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AIBU?

ABU to be really cross that dd has plucked her eyebrows?

147 replies

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:36

She is 13 and has attacked them with tweezers. they were really beautiful and shapely and now they are short, uneven and rectangular. i get my eye brows threaded but her were so naturally beautiful i said no to her having it done.

i have taught her to shave her armpits and wax her legs for her (on her request) but i have said no to the eyebrows. i am also now saying no to thick black eyeliner which has crept in over the last 10 days. i don't want her to look 16!

she seemed to think its my fault for saying no to the threading. are parents not allowed to say no to anything these days??

i hope they grow back.

aibu to have some sort of make up confiscating punishment?
wwyd?

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SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2015 08:59

I'm a teacher and I was in school this week when my 13 year-old wasn't. It's called an Inservice day

The OP didn't say it was an Inset. She said she was teaching.

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 09:38

Hey, thanks for the replies folks. Some widely differing views, as usual.

Just to address the phone all whilst teaching issue...Dd's school broke up before mine and I decided to allow her some independence and let her go to our nearest city with a friend. I then got a missed call from her (as I checked my phone at break) and was worried that she was in difficulties. I called her back and she asked me then. And no, it didn't go down well!

My concern is that, as pp say, one can ruin eyebrows for life. I also think there is a distinction between being self conscious about dark hairy legs and altering Genuinely shapely eye brows that are removed on a whim ( yes I still think that...dd confides soooo much in my , I can't imagine for a second that she'd have held back if this was a real worry).

I might get her some help tidying them up, but encouraging trips to a Beauty salon for a 13 yo is just an incredibly sad thing to do, and a real indictment of our society and the pressures that girls are under. Sound trite, I know.

Yes, I let her remove some other body hair, but it was not done lightly and she understands why, as women , we feel pressure to remove some of our body hair.

I know that ultimately I have little control over my teenage dd and her appearance,bbut at 13 I still have quite a few rules ( as well as freedoms) but I realise every parent has a different approach.

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 09:38

Phone 'call'

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Purplepoodle · 23/08/2015 09:46

my mums attitude to make up lessons and salon trips was that she wanted me to apply make up properly - I was only allowed foundation and mascara as I had very bad acne. my mum never wore make up but she did shave her eyebrows at 13 (she's well over 70 now) and didn't want me making same mistakes

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lanbro · 23/08/2015 09:46

Thanks threading isn't the best as you can only thread in a straight line! Threading plus waxing is the best attack, find a salon that does a brow sculpt - should only be about £10-15 and they will show her how her brows should be to best frame her face.

Pps are correct, definite rite of passage but one over enthusiastic plucking session isn't going to wreck them long term!

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TJEckleburg · 23/08/2015 09:47

I agree that it's a sad indictment of our society that teens are pressured in this way. I struggle with it as well. But I also don't think Its fair of me to expect my dd to be a feminist warrior at 13. Teens are obsessed with fitting in- as adults we have learnt that we don't have to, and shoudnt care about people who want to judge us, but that attitude took a long time to get. And your dd has to come to it herself - it would be fantastic to be able to impart all the hard won wisdom of our lives as women straight in to the brains of our 13 year olds, and we know that would make their lives so much easier, but that's not how it works.
Give her all the feminist non conforming messages, but don't expect her to actually believe them yet.

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lanbro · 23/08/2015 09:48

*Tbh, not thanks

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SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2015 09:51

So you wouldn't take her to a beauty salon because you feel it's a "real indictment of our society and the pressures girls are under" (I agree, at age 13), but you justify her removing other body hair by saying you explained to her that "we all feel pressure to remove some body hair"?

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 09:53

TJ, that makes a lot of sense!

I will have a proper chat with her and explain my reaction a bit better. Probably didn't help that I didn't notice she'd done it til 10pm when we were all tired!

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 09:56

Suburban, hon, you've missed the point a bit. And you missed the point up thread too about the inset. I think the pp poster was slugging that my dad had I inset whilst I was teaching!

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Spartans · 23/08/2015 09:56

might get her some help tidying them up, but encouraging trips to a Beauty salon for a 13 yo is just an incredibly sad thing to do, and a real indictment of our society and the pressures that girls are under. Sound trite, I know.

I would see your point.....if you didn't support her in reliving other body hair.

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Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2015 09:57

""might get her some help tidying them up, but encouraging trips to a Beauty salon for a 13 yo is just an incredibly sad thing to do, and a real indictment of our society and the pressures that girls are under. ""

Yet the reason why threading is popular, is because it works for all skin and hair types and Indian/Asian women can do it so well, is because it's a cultural norm for women to do this to each other, along with massage and "painting", Henna etc. these "rituals" include children, they were a good way to bond.

It's a shame that we allowed the Christians and Queen Victoria to sexualise everything, that was once just part of life. I'm from Native American (and other) background and find the lack of non sexual touching and grooming etc sad, in the UK.

I took two of my DDs to have their brows shaped, when they started Senior School, my middle one was stubborn and she's ruined hers.

I would have the same opinion for a boy.

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Mrsjayy · 23/08/2015 09:59

Yabu for not taking her to get them done when she asked you poor kid asked you said no she did them herself saying no is fine for nose piercings or staying out past 10pm the poor kid probably hated her beautifuly shaped eyebrows

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Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2015 10:00

Just to add, I consider myself a "Feminist Warrior", just a body hairless one.

I certainly object to the removal of body hair, wearing/not of clothes by females as being linked with their sexuality, or character.

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Spartans · 23/08/2015 10:02

Oh and yes I allow (and taught) my 11 year old dd to shave her legs. They bothered her. We discussed it and she understood my points and still wanted to do it.

She doesn't keep up to them, maybe doing it once every two months when they get that long it's uncomfortable.

And yes I will be taking her to my aunties salon for her eyebrows doing (they do the whole shebang threading, waxing etc) when she wants that doing. She knows it's no big deal for me and. That it's her body. We will discuss the reasons she wants them doing first. Because she knows she can come to me she is unlikely to attack them herself, like I did.

My mum would have reacted like you.

A trip to the salon imo is not sad, imo

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 10:02

I support the removal of body hair that is causing someone to feel self conscious as a result of being under societal pressure to be less hairy. I don't like the way this is, but accept it.

I do not support the removal of eye brows for a 13 yo to conform to specific fashion 'look'. I would, however (reluctantly ) support the tidying of very bushy eyebrows / unibrow if they were causing embarrassment due to aforementioned societal pressure. Dd is not in this latter category, hence my objection.

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chickenfuckingpox · 23/08/2015 10:05

if she has genuinely overplucked in places vaseline helps hair grow a bit faster its what i used on my daughter when she shaved hers off get them tidied up and tell her never to do that again! they are eyebrows they are obviously going to look stupid if you mess with them

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 10:07

Obv, it should've said 'dd' not 'dad' up thread.

Birds, that's a really interesting point.

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MrsGentlyBenevolent · 23/08/2015 10:09

We've all tried this, I don't even have eyebrows (butt of many family home), and still tried to pluck what was actually there once. She obviously felt strongly enough to do a diy job, so I agree with others, next time listen, along with picking your battles.

My mother always refused to buy me hair straighners. She used to say 'you're hair is naturally beautiful, others are just jealous'. They didn't seem 'jealous' when I had Worzel Gummage jokes aimed at me during my school years. Kids are mean, sometimes conforming is just easier that that age.

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Mrsjayy · 23/08/2015 10:09

Please stop talking like she is an academic paper she is your child and faffed up her eyebrows you cant pick and chose which hair can stay and which can go she is an individual who obviously didnt like her eyebrows she is a teenager you are meant to help her become a confident young woman not judge her on Your viewsv

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MrsGentlyBenevolent · 23/08/2015 10:10

Your, not you're hair, typing too quickly!

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Spartans · 23/08/2015 10:11

I don't see the difference. Sorry.

Both are being done for conformity and for her to fit in. Your opinion on her eyebrows and how lovely they are doesn't matter. I go to the gym in shorts and without shaving my legs a lot. My opinion is that it doesn't matter. That doesn't mean it should be dds opinion yet. I don't think her leg hair is an issue. She feels it's is, for comfort reasons. She finds long leg hair itchy in her kickboxing kit. The shin pads tug on it and itch and tug on them.

Her eyebrows will be purely a fitting in issue, not comfort. Again my opinion on her brows is not the one that's imporatant because they are not my eyebrows.

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 10:12

Mrsjayy, my last post was meant to be tongue in cheek. However, i was making a serious point in response to pp who didn't understand the distinction i am making between eyebrows and other body hair.

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stardusty5 · 23/08/2015 10:15

OP i think YANBU to be upset about it. In hindsight, the threading clearly would have been the preferred option, as the professional would have done them properly bit you weren't to know what she would go on to do!

As others have said, i don't think you can punish her but i think you sound really reasonable in listening to her requests about her appearance and helping her to go about it carefully. I wish i had known more about making the most of my appearance when i was her age, instead of feeling hideous with acne and frizzy hair. It would have done wonders for my confidence.

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IHaveBrilloHair · 23/08/2015 10:16

My dd is almost 14, wears black eyeliner and lipstick, has black/purple/blue hair and has recently cut herself a weird fringe that goes halfway round her head
It's not to my taste, but it doesn't need to be, it's her look and it makes her happy, none of it is permanent.
She is doing well at school, has lovely friends and a bf, does lots for me and our home as she is my carer and has just got a Saturday job.
Battling over eyebrows and make up is just so unnecessary

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