About dh saying he can't attend sleep study

[Esmeismyhero]

So for the past yr and a half dh has been doing things in his sleep examples:

Threatening to punch me
Elbowed me in the mouth and I got a fat lip
Trying to have sex with me (this is the annoying one as he is 6'7" and 20 of stone so he's massive and it's hard to push him off)
Calling me derogatory names

He has been asleep, completely asleep it's only when I've shouted stop or dh name that he snaps out of it, I've been a bit scared to sleep with him tbh.

He finally went to the Drs after he tried to punch me as by then we knew it wasn't just a phase, dh is very apologetic in the morning and never remembers.

Anyway we have waited over 7 months for an appointment and he finally got one a few weeks ago, they have booked him in for a sleep study for 48 hours next week. Dh has been very moody lately and today has decided he can't attend the sleep study as he has too much work on

I've said that he has to go as I'm scared of sleeping with him and not to sound too dramatic but I don't partially want to deal with this anymore. He slept on the sofa for a week but says his back hurts so has been sleeping in the bed but I'm scared.

I'm not very happy about him basically saying he's not going to do it, I think he needs to. It's not fair on me.

I want to say that if he doesn't go then he cannot sleep with me until he has done it even if that takes months!

Aibu? This is serious :(

OP, yesterday I posted this:

If he does try to change the appointment, that tells you all that you need to know. He just doesn't care if he hurts or kills you.

And then you posted this:

Right he has said he tried to move it...

I just can't understand why you are accepting his attitude towards you

Parasomnias can be really, really dangerous.

You are NOT being paranoid- especially given your presumably massive differences in strength/weight. As well as it being really unpleasant for you.

I would definitely ring the sleep clinic - ask to speak to a clinician - usually there will be a specialist nurse. Usually a mine of information. Please confide in them re the sexual /violent stuff. Also ask if there is some sort of alarm system which would wake your DH if he decided to go walkabout in a parasomniac state.

Because, if he receives treatment - it may mean his symptoms get worse in the meantime.

Good luck!

Everything has just come to a head and I've spent most of the day in tears. I've posted about other things before

this time

this time

Well this morning was all about the appointment and he is finally going to go, now this afternoon has been about mils dh (not dh ddad) not wanting dc and I going to their house next week when he takes the car for a service because of a long past feud that had nothing to do with me.

I think I need to do another thread :(

I'm so upset and tired, bone tired. Dd has been a terror today

here's the thread for those issues

I feel like I've had enough, I rarely cry but today has just been so shit I feel like I have a permanent lump in my throat.

crikey, you seem to have rather a lot on your plate at the moment, I'm sorry that it's been a tough day.

can I ask what you get from your relationship with your DH right now? It sounds as if he doesn't put you first or consider your feelings much and that coupled with his behaviour around the psyhosomnia makes me feel that he isn't respectful.

it seems like you go above and beyond to keep things together, but what do you gain from this?

He sounds like waaay too much effort

I read one of your other threads when you posted it, and I'm sorry to say that your husband sounds like kind of a dick. He doesn't seem to put your needs anywhere close to the top of his priority list, he doesn't value your contribution to the family and he certainly doesn't seem to think much about how his actions affect you.
This is an important issue in your relationship and he is completely uninterested in resolving it, even though it lies in his sole power to do so. He isn't showing the level of concern that I would show for a stranger if I thought I could accidentally hurt them, let alone someone I love. You deserve better that his dismissive lack of interest in your wellbeing.

Gosh, Esme, I've just read all your links You are an absolute hero, d'you know that?! I want to borrow you for half a day - my life's a godawful mess and you could sort it out before I've drunk my tea!

In addition to being superwoman, you seem to have a great sense of humour, positive attitude, common sense and bags of creativity. You're surrounded by people who love you.

You shouldn't be dealing with as much of this on your own as you are. At the very least, you deserve tender loving care and a shedload of appreciation.

To say you're not getting what you deserve from your DH is an understatement. He so massively takes for granted that you'll be easy-going, deal with everything, and have dinner on the table. He takes you so much for granted that he doesn't even care if he whacks you or rapes you. And what the fuck was all that about with the cosy evening in, when he told you at the last minute he'd arranged to go out?

Part of me wonders whether he's trying to make you lose the plot with him for some reason. You haven't been married for very long, and before that he ditched you for a few months. From this distance, it rather looks like someone pushing your boundaries to see how much you'll take. Answer is ... you're taking too much already, love. I'm sorry.

Can you talk honestly with your parents & sister about all this?

Good post Garlick

Did he go to the sleep study OP? How did it go?

Sorry I haven't updated, I did a post earlier about the dc. Dh is at the sleep study now, he went in yesterday and won't be out till tomorrow evening.

for everyone, thank you garlick

Glad he's there - hopefully if he starts sleeping better it will give him some much-needed perspective on his role in your life, specifically the importance of being equal partners and dealing with things together as opposed to lumbering you with everything that he doesn't want to do. Fingers crossed!