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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a 7 year old getting into your bed at 6am is not on...

87 replies

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:46

NC.
Me and DH are looking after DN overnight soon. We don't have kids. We have never had a child to stay at our house. We only very reluctantly agreed because a whole series of cock-ups have meant we're the only remotely responsible adults that can look after DN whilst SIL goes to sort out some stuff with her solicitor. We've only seen DN about three times since she was born 6 years ago.

When we signed up for overnight babysitting, SIL said that DN will try and get into your bed at 6am and want to play schools. We laughed and said 'no' and didn't think any more about it. Today SIL has called to finalise arrangements and has said again that she will get up and come into your bed at 6am to play schools. Apparently she did this a few weeks ago with SIL's friend and her DH who she doesn't really know.

I'm and about this for a few reasons but not sure if my inexperience is to blame;

a. Isn't 6 a bit old to be getting into your parent's/anyone else's bed in the mornings?
b. It seems a bit weird that DN would happily climb into bed with people she hardly knows. Is this weird?
c. Shouldn't SIL have put a stop to this in general?
d. Shouldn't SIL tell her not to come in our bed when she stays over specifically?
e. Would we be U to lock our bedroom door to stop her getting in at all?

I am completely dreading having our house guest!

OP posts:

Original poster

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:47

^ Sorry 7 years ago

OP posts:

Weebirdie · 17/08/2015 15:49

I feel sorry for the wee girl having to come to you though I can understand why as strangers to her you would feel disconcerted about her getting into bed with you.

On the other hand there is nothing wrong with kids getting into bed with mum and dad for an early morning cuddle.

happymummyone · 17/08/2015 15:52

I wouldn't want the child climbing into bed with me either, especially at that sort of time.

googoodolly · 17/08/2015 15:53

a) No, it's not. It's perfectly normal at even 9/10 years old to want to do that.
b) No, if you're the responsible adult, she'll see you as being mummy's replacement and will trust you/go to you if she wants comfort.
c) Not if she likes it. Maybe it's nice for her to have that time with her DD. It's not like she'll do it when she's 22, she'll grow out of it.
d) She can try, but she probably wouldn't get anywhere.
e) Yes, very U. You can't leave a 6 year old in an unfamiliar place and expect them to just cope overnight. What if she has an accident or a nightmare and needs attention? She needs to be able to get to you in an emergency or just because she's six.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/08/2015 15:55

Strangers in the way that you barely know her through regular contact you mean?

It's not strange for kids of that age to come into the bedroom no, and if I have DS's mates over I always make sure I'm suitably attired at night time as you never know., they might come in a bit distressed not knowing their surroundings etc.

But you sound like you don't want her there at all op, is this why you barely know a child in your own family?

cariadlet · 17/08/2015 15:55

Is 7 too old to be climbing into parents' bed at 6am?
It depends on whether the parents mind and what sort of time they normally get up. My dd is 12 and hasn't climbed into my bed for a couple of years (unless she is poorly or has had a bad dream). I miss it.

Is 7 to old to be climbing into other adults' bed
Most definitely.
You are doing them a huge favour by looking after DN when you are clearly reluctant to do so (btw, I am sure you wouldn't, but please don't let dn know how unwilling you are - it isn't her fault).
Don't lock your bedroom door - your DN does need to be get in if she's unwell or has had a nightmare. But do tell DN not to come into you - except in the above circumstances - before an agreed time (make sure she has a clock and can tell you what the agreed time looks like on the clock) and tell her that she needs to knock on the door rather than coming in and getting into bed with you.

Heels99 · 17/08/2015 15:55

Yanbu my children are not allowed to wake me up before 8am.
However this is a one off and it's not really up to you to change her routine, I think I would get up with her at 6am though I wouldn't want a child I hardly knew in my bed

googoodolly · 17/08/2015 15:57

She isn't just a friend's child or a neighbour's child, though. She's OP's niece. She's family. I think that's a bit different.

I know I went into my aunt and uncle's bed at that age if I stayed for a sleepover without my parents and had a nightmare or woke early or whatever. I think leaving a 6 year old with someone she barely knows and expecting her to stay in a strange bed alone in the morning is a bit unfair.

clary · 17/08/2015 15:58

Agree with PP, a) it's fine for a 6yo to do this if she wants to.
b) I can see why she might want to do it wherever she is, tho she may not do so with you if she doesn't know you.
c) No, why?
d) Yes you can do so. You could also have a nice chat with the child about it. She still might do it tho.
e) yes that would be horrible.

I would talk to the niece and yr SiL in advance/on the day but still expect it. I think you might need to be prepared to get up/provide some entertainment (eg a DVD in the living room?). It's only for one night after all.

happymummyone · 17/08/2015 15:58

And I'd tell my DD not to climb into bed with her baby sitter, if my parents or DPs parents look after her for the night I would not consider it acceptable for her to wake them up at such an early hour, especially by climbing into bed with them. She doesn't even do that with me, and she's 4. You're doing them a favour, it doesn't mean you have to put up with inappropriate behaviour. My niece is 6 and the thought of her climbing into bed with us is laughable, she's far too grown up and well adjusted to do that.

DeeWe · 17/08/2015 15:59

My 8yo sometimes comes in our bed during th night. Much less frequently than a year ago, but he does.
He wouldn't do it to anyone else, but he likes the reassurance with us.

Original poster

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:59

We barely know her because we don't live close and DH and SIL don't particularly get on, as in they just don't speak.

Someone said don't make it obvious to DN we don't want her there- of course we wouldn't do that!

I like the suggestion about the clock, knocking before she comes in etc.

OP posts:

Floisme · 17/08/2015 15:59

Send her round to our house op, I miss having a child get into bed with us in the mornings

GretaBritain · 17/08/2015 16:00

Yes it is normal for some and unless I am mistaken it is for only ONE night!
Can't you just have an early night/morning just once? It would be different if it was a regular thing.

Locking her out of the bedroom? Poor kid. She is going to feel a bit strange having never stayed with you before as it is without locking her out.

If you feel awkward with her in your bed then get up with her and play downstairs.

PrimalLass · 17/08/2015 16:00

Now that it isn't every day at 5am, I love my kids getting in for a cuddle.

Original poster

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:00

OP posts:

Original poster

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:01

Okay, so I'm getting that locking our bedroom door is unanimously considered U. Noted, I won't lock the door!

OP posts:

ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne · 17/08/2015 16:02

YANBU. I would not be happy with that arrangement at all, At 6 she should be told by her dm not to be climbing into your bed and at 6 she should understand that and not do it.

Whatever she does at home does not make it ok for her to do it in someone else's home.

ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne · 17/08/2015 16:03

Op, I see nothing wrong with locking your door, surely her hands and voice work so if she needs you she can knock or call you

LumpySpacedPrincess · 17/08/2015 16:05

Perfectly normal, though pre kids I would have felt the same as you op.

Don't worry, if you ever have kids you can raise 'em right and show the rest of us how it's done.

Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:05

Op, just give it a try - they're all lovely and warm and snuggly.

BleachEverything · 17/08/2015 16:07

I don't think you are a suitable person for the child to stay with.

MammaTJ · 17/08/2015 16:08

Send the poor kid to me, she can get in with me and DS. DS, who is nearly 9 will have already snuck in to my bed sometime between 1am and 6am. Generally to him 6 am is time to sneak down and get some PS3 times before everyone else wakes up.

Marcipex · 17/08/2015 16:08

To get into Parents bed is fine.

To do the same with virtually unknown adults is not fine. I quite understand that you're not comfortable with that.

To expect a friendly reception and the adults to play schools at 6 am is completely unrealistic. I don't know any adults who would be pleased to do this.

However, please don't lock her out. She could be very frightened. And, realistically, she may well wake that early , lots of kids do. You don't have to play schools though.

I'd suggest that you make sure you're decent in case of an attempted invasion. Then say something like, 'You hop off and I'll be with you in a few minutes. I'm just going to the bathroom/getting dressed and then we'll go downstairs.'
Then steer her firmly out of your bedroom.

Cacofonix · 17/08/2015 16:11

I can understand why you would be uncomfortable as you don't have your own kids doing this at the crack of dawn and haven't spent loads of time with her. If it was me (and when I looked after my DNs at their home, pre my kids) I would brace myself for not getting much sleep and basically get up when they did, go downstairs, pop on the tv and make a large coffee to cope! I would aim to do this when she wakes up rather than let her climb in. And tell her that when she wakes up in the morning she is allowed to come quietly to you and you will get up together. Set the expectations that she isn't to crawl into your bed and she won't.

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