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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 7 year old getting into your bed at 6am is not on...

87 replies

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:46

NC.
Me and DH are looking after DN overnight soon. We don't have kids. We have never had a child to stay at our house. We only very reluctantly agreed because a whole series of cock-ups have meant we're the only remotely responsible adults that can look after DN whilst SIL goes to sort out some stuff with her solicitor. We've only seen DN about three times since she was born 6 years ago.

When we signed up for overnight babysitting, SIL said that DN will try and get into your bed at 6am and want to play schools. We laughed and said 'no' and didn't think any more about it. Today SIL has called to finalise arrangements and has said again that she will get up and come into your bed at 6am to play schools. Apparently she did this a few weeks ago with SIL's friend and her DH who she doesn't really know.

I'm Confused and Hmm about this for a few reasons but not sure if my inexperience is to blame;

a. Isn't 6 a bit old to be getting into your parent's/anyone else's bed in the mornings?
b. It seems a bit weird that DN would happily climb into bed with people she hardly knows. Is this weird?
c. Shouldn't SIL have put a stop to this in general?
d. Shouldn't SIL tell her not to come in our bed when she stays over specifically?
e. Would we be U to lock our bedroom door to stop her getting in at all?

I am completely dreading having our house guest!

OP posts:
Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:28

Othehuge You've summed up perfectly my feeling about her getting into bed with people she hardly knows. I think she has lots of other 'boundary' issues as well and I do worry about when she gets older to be honest. I know that's awful of me to say.

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:28

Take her back to her own bed at 6am, read a quick story, then leave her with some toys and books.

Noooooo! By the time you've done that, you'll be wide awake and you won't be able to get back to sleep and then you'll be in a foul mood all day.

Sallystyle · 17/08/2015 16:29

My 6 year old always comes into my bed in the middle of the night.

I like it.

She would also get into bed with my mum and MIL if she stays over.

I wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with a child who I was not close to and I doubt my child would be comfortable with that either. So YANBU to not be comfortable with it but there is nothing wrong with a child who does it.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:31

turningviolet As I've said, her mum is desperate- we're the last people available to have her DD.

Of course I won't be unwelcoming to DN herself.

OP posts:
turningvioletviolet · 17/08/2015 16:31

Christ on a bike. It's one day. ONE DAY. I think the op might survive being woken up at 6am for one time.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:31

U2 Thanks, that makes perfect sense Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:33

turningviolet It's not the 6am thing that was bothering me particularly (although I work nights and 6am can mean very different things to be depending on my shift pattern).
It's more the 'boundary setting' IYKWIM

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:37

By the way:
Don't get me started on her mum's parenting skills. Over-indulgent doesn't even scratch the surface.
How do you know this if you've only met your niece three times?

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:38

Floisme We hear it from PILs

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 17/08/2015 16:43

Is she 6 or 7? At any rate it's not too old to be getting into your parents bed. But it is weird her mum would expect her to get into yours.
I wouldn't entertain a 6 year old at 6 a.m, let alone play school! Give her a clock, tell her that she is welcome to wake you up after 7.30 unless there is an emergency. Leave her a drink and a little snack , books etc to keep her occupied.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:43

IfNotWhen She's 7. Apologies- me being distracted.

OP posts:
Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:44

IfNotWhen I have another DN who's 6!

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:44

But you've not seen it for yourself have you op?

I do actually understand being weirded out by the idea of her getting into bed with you (delicious as it can be) but I think judgng someone's parental skills on the basis of stuff you've heard from PILs is a bit out of order.

DurhamDurham · 17/08/2015 16:46

My girls came in to our bed if they woke up early on a morning....on a Sunday morning we were all in together having chats and toast until they were much older than 7. Both perfectly adjusted adults now so no harm done Smile

If my nephew and nieces come to stay they sometimes come and get in with us. If it's the middle of the night I take them back to their bed, if it's anytime around six I let them get in with us until I'm awake enough to take them down to have breakfast.

It's a bit horrible to say you are dreading your house guest when your house guest is only 7 years old. Don'y have her if you don't want her, much kinder all in the long run because she'll pick up on it.

crumpet · 17/08/2015 16:47

Op, simply be prepared to get up and have CBeebies on once she wakes you at 6am. It's a one off, so not the end of the world. You'd be unreasonable to expect her to amuse herself in a strange place first thing in the morning.

Have a large coffee ready and enjoy! (Oh and perhaps also read the thread about people getting up at 5.30 to have time to exercise before the family wakes Grin)

gamerchick · 17/08/2015 16:48

Just get up when she wakes up. Job done.

There's no need for anything else.

thornrose · 17/08/2015 16:50

I had to laugh at a 6 year old being too "grown up and well adjusted to climb into parents/aunties bed. GrinGrin

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:51

Floisme I get that but some of the things that they tell us about what SIL does are pretty hard not to judge TBH.

Durham If we didn't have her to stay it would cause a massive row with PILs, which we can't be bothered with for the sake of one night and SIL would have to wait another few weeks to get stuff at the solicitors sorted out and she's pretty desperate to get it done. Sorry to be mysterious but it's to do with her ex and his behaviour and I don't want to out myself. I'd never let on to her that we're not looking forward to having her stay.

OP posts:
Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:52

crumpet That's my plan. I have the DVD of 'Hotel for Dogs' which we are definitely watching because it's one of my favourites

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 17/08/2015 16:54

If i had a 7 year old I didn't know staying with me overnight I would do everything I could to make them feel ok and cared for.

I would set boundaries for bad behaviour, but in these dircumstances coming in at 6am for the one morning she's there isn't a biggie. I'd rather that than the poor soul awake in a strange bedroom all by herself not allowed to come out. Pretty heartless to your niece.

crumpet · 17/08/2015 16:56
Smile
Totality22 · 17/08/2015 16:56

Why is your SIL's DH a stranger to the child? Or did I misread that?

You've only met your DN 3 times? Wow it must be desperate times to have to send her to you!!

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:56

Weall As I said I don't want her in my bed so, based on PP, my plan is to get up with her whenever that is and watch some TV.

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:56

Ok, op. You're being a good sister, I'll say that for you Smile

I would still say no to playing schools at any time of day So if snuggles are out it will have to be DVDs and then espresso and choc all day - that's for you, not your niece.

Totality22 · 17/08/2015 16:58

Ignore me, I did indeed misread

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