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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a 7 year old getting into your bed at 6am is not on...

87 replies

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:46

NC.
Me and DH are looking after DN overnight soon. We don't have kids. We have never had a child to stay at our house. We only very reluctantly agreed because a whole series of cock-ups have meant we're the only remotely responsible adults that can look after DN whilst SIL goes to sort out some stuff with her solicitor. We've only seen DN about three times since she was born 6 years ago.

When we signed up for overnight babysitting, SIL said that DN will try and get into your bed at 6am and want to play schools. We laughed and said 'no' and didn't think any more about it. Today SIL has called to finalise arrangements and has said again that she will get up and come into your bed at 6am to play schools. Apparently she did this a few weeks ago with SIL's friend and her DH who she doesn't really know.

I'm and about this for a few reasons but not sure if my inexperience is to blame;

a. Isn't 6 a bit old to be getting into your parent's/anyone else's bed in the mornings?
b. It seems a bit weird that DN would happily climb into bed with people she hardly knows. Is this weird?
c. Shouldn't SIL have put a stop to this in general?
d. Shouldn't SIL tell her not to come in our bed when she stays over specifically?
e. Would we be U to lock our bedroom door to stop her getting in at all?

I am completely dreading having our house guest!

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 17/08/2015 17:00

Yep, manatee sums it up well. It is about boundaries. As so many have said on here. Fine if its your own kid, a bit odd if its a kid you don't know well, and very odd that parent 'expects' this and has not dissuaded it. OP, by encourage, I mean she has told you about it on the phone, she expects it may happen and has not done anything about stopping this. I don't know what she is teaching her child. It is funny that over indulgence is often by parents who can't bear their child to be hurt and therefore don't say no, but not teaching proper boundaries can end up with the child getting very badly hurt.

CloserThanYesterday · 17/08/2015 17:02

Some people seem a bit shocked that the OP isn't ok with it just because the child is a relative. Lots of people seem to assume that family = close relationship which definitely isn't the case!
I'd need to feel very close and at ease to have a child other than my own snuggled in bed with me. It'd just feel strange.
Agree with the posters saying you might have to resign yourself to 6am kids TV!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2015 17:03

Yanbu at all, she not coming for a cuddle but wanting to play schools at 6am!!! I woukd nit have this from my 8 year old, if she is up and wants to play, I send her ack to her room with instruction to read or play on her ds until 7am or later. Actually she will go downstairs and fix herself a cold drink and some cold snacks until I emerge at 7.30am. If she wants a cuddle she climbs into our bed, if she wants to play which more often no, tan she is sent back to her room to entertain herself for a bit.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2015 17:09

Op and her dh are childless, and they don't know this child well, so they are within reason not to want her in their bed. It's good that they are babysitting her in the first place.

Georgethesecond · 17/08/2015 17:10

Yes I think a pp nailed it - it's quite ok for her to want to come into your bed but equally it's quite ok for you not to feel comfortable with it. So you'll have to get up (and put the telly on.)

Don't be anxious, just think back and pretend to be one of your nicer teachers, the confidence will reassure her.

Georgethesecond · 17/08/2015 17:10

Oh yes - and bugger playing schools at six am! No way!

Georgethesecond · 17/08/2015 17:11

Bet you'll have to play it later though

scarlets · 17/08/2015 17:18

You sound lovely OP. It's good of you to help out when you scarcely know her. If she enjoys herself she'll want to come back!

And no to the bed sharing.

pinkje · 17/08/2015 17:18

What is her bedtime routine? Could you get her to bed a bit late in the hope she wakes later?

kali110 · 17/08/2015 17:23

Shocked at some of the horrible replies you've got op.
You're doing your sil a favour.
You don't know much about the child or children in general so you're asking for advice!
Youre not going to make the little girl feel unwelcome.
I also don't blame you for not wanting, what is essentially a strange child in your bed!
I would be exactly the same.
I hope it all goes well for you and the little one.
Maybe you could get one of those gro clocks?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/08/2015 17:30

I think youve had great advice:

bed completely normal with close family
needs helping to understand not so good for just any old grown up, but that's a job for the parents/ another time
but in the meantime, you can avoid it by getting up with her, or returning to bed if it's the middle of the night.

summerainbow · 17/08/2015 18:41

You do realise that is DN want to get in bed with you at 6 am . And you don't want her too. It means you will be getting up and dress at 6am ! You can leave a 7 year old alone and awake in house she does not know. So your choice really either play in bed or get up and start the day.

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