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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 7 year old getting into your bed at 6am is not on...

87 replies

shopperholics · 17/08/2015 15:46

NC.
Me and DH are looking after DN overnight soon. We don't have kids. We have never had a child to stay at our house. We only very reluctantly agreed because a whole series of cock-ups have meant we're the only remotely responsible adults that can look after DN whilst SIL goes to sort out some stuff with her solicitor. We've only seen DN about three times since she was born 6 years ago.

When we signed up for overnight babysitting, SIL said that DN will try and get into your bed at 6am and want to play schools. We laughed and said 'no' and didn't think any more about it. Today SIL has called to finalise arrangements and has said again that she will get up and come into your bed at 6am to play schools. Apparently she did this a few weeks ago with SIL's friend and her DH who she doesn't really know.

I'm Confused and Hmm about this for a few reasons but not sure if my inexperience is to blame;

a. Isn't 6 a bit old to be getting into your parent's/anyone else's bed in the mornings?
b. It seems a bit weird that DN would happily climb into bed with people she hardly knows. Is this weird?
c. Shouldn't SIL have put a stop to this in general?
d. Shouldn't SIL tell her not to come in our bed when she stays over specifically?
e. Would we be U to lock our bedroom door to stop her getting in at all?

I am completely dreading having our house guest!

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 17/08/2015 16:11

a. Isn't 6 a bit old to be getting into your parent's/anyone else's bed in the mornings? NOOOOO. I got into my parents bed for years and years. Morning chats were the best time. Ds1 still gets in at 9, and I hope he continues to, till at least puberty. 6yos will get in at 3am!
b. It seems a bit weird that DN would happily climb into bed with people she hardly knows. Is this weird? Yes, a bit. My kids don't get into bed with grandparents, unless I tell dd that her Gran would like a cuddle. But if DN has parents who have quite frequently left her with fairly strange people (sounds like it), she may have less trouble bonding. My Dniece is like this, and always sits on my lap when we are round at family events and asks me to do things, even take her to the loo, which I find a bit Hmm that she doesn't ask her mum, but knowing her Mum, I can understand why she asks me.
c. Shouldn't SIL have put a stop to this in general? No
d. Shouldn't SIL tell her not to come in our bed when she stays over specifically? At 7, I think she could reasonably tell her this. At 3/4, not really.
e. Would we be U to lock our bedroom door to stop her getting in at all? Yes, in case she is upset in the night

Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:12

Oh I wouldn't play schools, no no no.

I'd just snuggle.

Smartleatherbag · 17/08/2015 16:13

Some good advice here. And an op who listens too! Wow! Wink
Yeah, hoping in with mum and dad is normal. A relative is fine too, imo, but no way to playing! I'd let her cuddle in with an ipad to watch TV while I snoozed. Seems a fair compromise all round.

MerryMarigold · 17/08/2015 16:13

Flo, would you really snuggle with a 7yo you have met a handful of times? Your own kid for sure. But...I don't think I would and I have my own kids too.

Whatisaweekend · 17/08/2015 16:14

DS is 7 and still clambers into bed with me most mornings for a cuddle. It is sheer bliss and the best way to start the day and I am dreading the day when he doesnt want to do this anyore!!

That being said, I would not particularly want a child who I dont know very well to come and disturb me early and play schools and at 7, she is old enough to be told not to do this to you. Imo, the mum sounds a little over-indulgent that this is expected of you simply because her dd wants it!!

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:14

Lumpy Sorry, I wasn't trying to suggest that I've got an answer to this or that I know the 'right' way to do it. Sorry, I can see how it came across like that.

Froiseme The idea of sleep-warmed bodies makes me feel quite queasy TBH.

OP posts:
Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:16

Merry oh yes, although only if they wanted to of course.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret · 17/08/2015 16:17

I'd steer her in the direction of the tv/iPad at 6am, it's def U of the mum to expect you to play schools with her at that hour, though it's what a lot of kids do.

Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:17

Queasy?
Grin
Oh dear.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:18

Whatisaweekend Don't get me started on her mum's parenting skills. Over-indulgent doesn't even scratch the surface. As you know, I'm not a mother but there are somethings that she does and I just think 'Nooooo'.

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 17/08/2015 16:18

I know shopper Smile

You could put together an activity she could do if she wakes up before you. I used to give dd a wake up box if I wanted a lay in, worked every time.

Say an incomplete rubix cube and a jigsaw puzzle. Grin

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 17/08/2015 16:19

It is perfectly normal.

I think a locked door would upset her. If she comes in, just take her downstairs or ask her to stay in bed until 7am.

She's a little child in a strange place; it's only one day out of your life.

googoodolly · 17/08/2015 16:19

If you really don't want her getting into bed, you need to be prepared to get up when she does, then. I think it would be very unfair to expect a 6 year old to stay in a strange house and entertain herself alone when she gets up.

So maybe tell her that when she gets up, she has to come and knock for you and you'll get up with her for TV/breakfast. You can't expect to have a lie-in when you have a 6 year old with an early wake-up time in the house I'm afraid!

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:19

Floisme I'm weird about bodies, other people, smells, bodily fluids etc. I don't want to exaggerate by throwing OCD out there because I think it minimises the experiences of people who do actually have OCD. But I have, erm, foibles shall we say!

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 17/08/2015 16:20

I don't understand why a relative is fine, if you hardly know them, but a school friend you see everyday is not ok. I think neither are ok, and I'm not coming from an abused background.

Yes, an auntie you are close to, or grandparents you see a lot, are different - but just because OP is an aunt-in-law, then it is ok. She's seem her a handful of times in 7 years. It is not normal, and I am surprised the mum is encouraging it, to be honest.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:22

googoodolly Great advice, thank you Smile

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 17/08/2015 16:22

You do realise it is child and not a lion OP, right?

Minionoftruth · 17/08/2015 16:22

one of mine is nearly 13 and still gets in some mornings , in fact twice in the holidays they have come in early morning and stayed Blush

I wouldn't want someone else's child to get in bed though. I would just get up with them if 6am or if early take them back to bed and give them a hug.

Please don't lock the door, I fell out of bed burst my nose and lip (blood everywhere) and couldn't wake the adult relative as the door was lockedSad

Floisme · 17/08/2015 16:23

Ok I'll have her - just as long as you come and pick her up at getting up time as I am done with playing schools.

OTheHugeManatee · 17/08/2015 16:24

I don't think it's appropriate for a 7yo to be learning that it's fine to get into bed with adults she doesn't know well. I don't think that models particularly good boundaries even though the adults in question are relatives and obviously care about the child.

Whathaveilost · 17/08/2015 16:24

I wouldn't want my own child coming into my bed at 6.00am.

They would not have been allowed to go into somebody else's either.

I never allowed it .
Tbh though it was ever an issue, if they had a bad dream I or DH would sit with them until they dozed off.

Original poster
shopperholics · 17/08/2015 16:24

Merry Her mum isn't encouraging it per se. She's rather just saying 'This is what my little darling usually does so this is what you'll have to do with her'. So she's not encouraging DN to climb in with us but she's not dissuading her either IYSWIM.

As I've said her mum only asked us because we really are the last people available. Her parents and her coupel of friends are on holiday

OP posts:
Happy36 · 17/08/2015 16:25

I agree with what Marcipex said. Take her back to her own bed at 6am, read a quick story, then leave her with some toys and books.

If you have a clock, you could show her what 8am (or whatever time you think is suitable) looks like and tell her that she can come back and knock on your bedroom door at that time. Give her a treat, like letting her choose a video to watch or a board game to play, if she can stick to this.

turningvioletviolet · 17/08/2015 16:27

Honestly? You sound pretty unwelcoming understatement SIL must be truly desperate if you're the best she's come up with.

cosmickitten · 17/08/2015 16:28

I think if your niece normally gets up at 6 you will have to get up near to 6 too. In a strange house with adults she doesn't know well waiting more 30 mins after her normal waking time to see anyone will feel very unsettling to her.

Getting into bed with parents at her age is fine but it's also fine for you to say no to her coming your bed. But to expect an early start!