Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
SabrinnaInUtopia · 15/08/2015 23:05

YANBU. The cost should be split between the siblings equally in this case (ie. a present to your parents). Other holidays may have different circumstances - but I'e been on loads of holidays with my family, I'm the only one with dc - and I've never been expected to pay full adult price for the dc. We normally just chick a bit extra in for the kids.

Just tell him you won't pay more - it should be an even split.

chippednailvarnish · 15/08/2015 23:05

Why don't you just call him and discuss it? Confused

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 23:06

It's weird because I feel like I'm being mean if I raise this issue. I feel like my siblings will think I'm trying to get away with not paying for my children.

but on the other hand I genuinely feel like DB is being mean so I don't want to let it go.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 23:07

mindful - the rental was a gift from us 4 siblings to our parents and we were meant to be splitting the cost 4 ways

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/08/2015 23:07

All kinds of issues have got melded together into a bit of a mess, though, haven't they? Whether children's accommodation should be "charged" at the same rate as adults; whether the children should contribute to the grandparents' Xmas present; whether an extra room is needed for the DC (hint: yes it is, even if they don't actually use it); whether DB is a mean uncle because he is rich, not interested in the children and buys crap presents....etc etc etc etc

Maryz · 15/08/2015 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColdCottage · 15/08/2015 23:08

Split the cost per family, assuming equal use of space (your family in one room), the fact that the house will now have a spare room is nobodies problem just a lack communication before booking and committing to the cost of the house by your brother.

We have a house for a family holiday in September and there will be a spare room as it was the right house at the right time in the right location, just has an extra room. No bother, same equal split.

ColdCottage · 15/08/2015 23:09

P.s he should have ok'd the final cost/ split with everyone before confirming the house.

CSIJanner · 15/08/2015 23:09

You're not being mean. He is. The gift is from four siblings. Simples.

foolonthehill · 15/08/2015 23:13

There may be a need to book the extra room due to the size of the party. not all rentals would be happy with 12 people (even if 2 are small) sharing a 10 person rental.

Solina · 15/08/2015 23:14

I dont think you are being u! They would have had to book it anyways by the sound of things and would be paying £333 for it without you. Now with four it is obviously £250 each so I just dont get how you are expected to suddenly pay £400 when rest pay £200 just because your children are coming too which makes no difference to the overall price at all. You are paying more than they would be without you!!

Tell him you are paying 25% of the present and not 40% and then next christmas dont do this joint present thing.

budgiegirl · 15/08/2015 23:14

think it's just the norm, per family rather than per person. Until they get to over 18 of course , but school age deffo its per family.

But I think that if I was the SIL, and I was occupying 3 bedrooms when everyone else had one, I'd feel very uncomfortable paying the same as everyone else. I'd feel like I was taking advantage of the situation, and I would at least offer to pay more towards the villa cost.

budgiegirl · 15/08/2015 23:17

Oops, sorry, I was referring to piperchapsticks post about the Florida villa

TidyDancer · 15/08/2015 23:20

My general thought on this kind of thing is that children should cost 50% of what adults cost. Parents of children should always expect to pay more, although obviously not to the degree that is asked of them in this particular circumstance. They should also not be contributing to the present aspect.

Since the children won't be using the spare room though, the cost of the rent should be divided by 8 (adults minus parents) and the OP should be making a bigger contribution to the food etc. The spare room should be offered up to anyone who wants it at no extra cost.

As for what to say to your DB....OP you need to phrase it as a polite statement that you can't afford to suck up the extra, do not make it an offer to be negotiated.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 23:21

I rang DB the other night and asked why we are down as having 2 rooms and I said we can't afford it. I also said that if we have to pay that we wouldn't have the money upfront as we hadn't budgeted for that much - and he'd have to wait to get payment in instalments. He didn't make any suggestions to help but seemed to be indicating he wouldn't mind it being paid in instalments if needs be - as if it was a generous accommodation on his part.

Having thought about it - I will be paying my 25% share of the total cost only as this is my share of the gift to my parents

I wish my DCs had a generous uncle. He has a lot of disposable income but expects his 2 yr old nephew to pay in instalments for a room he doesn't need.

Luckily the uncles on the other aide of the family are very generous - most importantly of all they are genuinely interested in my DCs and want to spend them with them.

My DBs general disinterest in my children and his general lack of generosity to them really colours my perception of this

OP posts:
LavenderRain · 15/08/2015 23:24

As I see it, the number of bedrooms is irrelevant.
They have hired a house and need to split the cost of said house 4 ways.

What could be simpler? Confused

Lweji · 15/08/2015 23:25

Yes, don't pay more than your share of your parents' room and one room for you.
He should have asked how many rooms you required. He decided on two, so he should pay for the extra one.

Duck90 · 15/08/2015 23:27

To be fair your children are not being asked to pay, you as parents are. That is a choice you made when having babies, things generally are not free until they reach adulthood.

mindfulandgrateful · 15/08/2015 23:28

Ultimately it depends on the terms and conditions of the rental property though.

If it is a 6 bed cottage you could get away with a 5 bed cottage - I doubt very much despite wanting to share a room you would be allowed to have a 4 bed one.

If it's not all paid for I would start to find some 5 bed properties off your own back and make suggestions of your own ....

Often though in these situations someone will need to back down to keep the peace - it's all about your mum and dad at the end of the day and their happiness. So it's important to keep that at the front of your mind rather than how tight fisted your DB is. It's difficult I know but there is a time and a place to let things go ....(iv had to do it in v similar situations) I would be expecting more input tbh though if I'm contributing financially.

Maybe now is the time to mindfully assert yourself OP without upsetting your parents celebration of course.

puremuscle · 15/08/2015 23:28

I think that if it is a gift from the four siblings to your parents that the cost should be split four ways.

This doubling of the cost for the OPs family was not discussed, she feels a little railroaded into going and bringing the DCs. It seems very unfair to suddenly and without any discussion present her with a bill double everyone else's.

and I bloody hate stinginess.

What do the other siblings think?

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 23:30

duck my children are being asked to pay

It was a gift from 4 siblings to our parents - we were all to pay 25% of the total

Now it turns out I'm paying more than 25% as my DC's have been assigned a room we don't want and told to pay full price for it

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 15/08/2015 23:30

He should have asked how many rooms you required. He decided on two, so he should pay for the extra one.

He may not have had a choice, depending on the booking terms of the property. However, it would have been helpful if he'd discussed thus with you , to let you know if this was the case

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/08/2015 23:31

Duck90. It's a christmas as gift split 4 ways, being offered to OP as a gift split 5 ways, with her children counted as the extra split ... Hence her children being asked to contribute!

wiltingfast · 15/08/2015 23:32

But duck it is a present from the four siblings. The fact that the dc are there is irrelevant.

puremuscle · 15/08/2015 23:33

Just tell him that you are not prepared to pay double as the gift is from the four adult siblings.