To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

How do so many people know what the maximum occupancy of the house is? Are you all psychic? The number of room is a guide to how many people it will hold - a three bed is often listed as sleeping 8, for example (there may be a room with three beds, or often a sofa bed). It is rubbish that a 2+2 family must always rent a two bed cottage.

So the OP shouldn't pay more because she won't be using an extra room. Sorted

But she will be using an extra room if the property only allows 2 people per room. I think makeitacider has the fairest way of calculating the cost. Of course a family of four should pay more than a couple without children. It would be nice if the other siblings offered to swallow the cost of the childrens room, but it shouldn't be expected.

Email all your siblings- not just the organizing brother.

That's right Maryz (though let's hope the Parents get the best room) - if they are paying equally the two children have as much right to an en-suite room as the brother.

I second Cabrinhas post.

Keep it simple.

Agh the nightmare of a big shared house for a holiday rental! Inagree with others that you and your siblings should pay a quarter each. They are not subsidising anyone. They wanted their nephews there and for you all to go away so the cost should be equal. We have gone on group holidays and no one quibbles about the kids.
Your db sounds as if either he has so much money that he can't get his head around money being tight for you or that he is really mean and had to book a big expensive house as it was the only one available and saw charging your kids as a way of recouping some of the money he didn't want to spend.

Also I think I read in one of your earlier posts op that in the past your family hasn't charged extra for the other families' kids. On which case of course you would assume the same for yours.
I agree, tell all your siblings that you will pay one quarter of the cost of the holiday home and no more. If they don't accept that you will have to pull out because you can't afford it.

budgie is that what you do in your family, the toddlers pay their way?

I'd certainly expect to pay more for my family of five than my brother and his wife who have no children! If they offered to split the rental 50/50 , I'd probably accept their offer, but I wouldn't expect it, and I certainly wouldn't ask them to ! Why wouldn't I pay more, my family is bigger.

YANBU, I cannot believe he is charging the children

Maryz email is spot on op . Hope it goes well with your db . please report back just because I've got randomly and uncharacteristically invested in this thread

This would never happen if we were going away with my in laws but they all have small children so they understand - and also they are just more generous and would never be so mean as to be splitting the cost with a 2 yr old

Actually your email is good because it doesn't threaten pulling out, just whether or not you bring the kids.

Also we are going on holiday next year for FILs 60th, DH and I have 1 DC, as does BIL. SIL has 3 kids. We splitting the villa we're all staying in exactly 3 ways and just paying for our own flights. Out of the 6 bedrooms, SIL and her kids will be occupying 3, everyone else will be having 1 room each. It never once occurred to me that she should pay more and I wouldn't embarrass myself by suggesting it even if we wanted to. And it's nothing to do with "knowing" because you have kids, it's basic manners!

UANBU - we've done this with my extended family, with mix of adults without kids, us with baby and both my siblings with their 2 toddlers. We just split the cost per family! It's crazy, seems mean spirited to me. Perhaps if you had 6 kids or something....

Going away next month with another family (friends of ours) they have 2 children, we have 1. Wouldn't occur to us to do anything other than split the holiday equally. I hate this kind of tightness... It's like when people painstakingly split the bill in a restaurant. Wankers.

I still think it's a red herring to talk about not paying for the room that isn't being used, because house occupancy is per person not per room. And leaving them behind isn't going to reduce the cost of the property either.

So my version of the email would be:

Hi DB,

We only need the one room, not two, and I was surprised to see the costs worked out as if the DC were also contributing to the present. I expected to pay 25% as that's what we always contributed to (gp's) present so I've budgeted £250 (ie the same as everyone else). The DC will be getting the GPs something small separately for their Xmas present. Presumably this won't cause a problem?

We will bring food for the kids, and obviously pay our quarter share of the adult food and drink.

Looking forward to it

This is crazy.

The gift is from the FOUR siblings.

The cost should be divided between the siblings.

End of story.

The dc being there are irrelevant given the circumstances of the gift.

Why should childless couples subsidise your decision to have a family!?

The childless couples in this situation knowingly decided to give a gift between 4 siblings, knowing that one of them had children. If it was anything else it would be split for ways.

Thats the crucial difference here (really though, I can see this bugging friends but what kind of family mumps their gums about this sort of thing?!)!

Make this clear to your brother. If he comes back and says (like pp suggested) that its "just the parents room that was the gift", then say ok, split the £200 cost of your parents room between 4 and say you can no longer afford to go on holiday but will make sure your parents don't miss out on their gift.

I see the whole holiday as the gift. Would your parents be as happy with their present if your DC weren't there? Judging on how keen DB was for them to go I think I can guess the answer.

To me, the number of rooms and strange maths is a huge red herring and missing the unreasonableness of the whole thing, which is that OP is expected to be double the price every other adult has to pay for their parents christmas present.

Cross posted with closer, please email exactly that!

I would never expect anybody to pay for my 2 DC .

Often go away with family - but we always pay more as we have 2 DC and use 2 rooms .

I would NEVER expect regardless of finances for accomadation to be split equally between adults when I have 2 DC - I actually think THAT attitude is mean spirited!