To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

Ok so split the cost of the parents' room between all siblings but if one couple uses an extra room they should pay more. Why should childless couples subsidise your decision to have a family!? Your brother probably didn't expect you all to sleep in one bed and you didn't advise him otherwise.

Yanbu to object to paying twice as much as the others.

When I shared a house with siblings the family with 2 bedrooms certainly didn't pay double.

We said: we spend only 8hrs is in the bedrooms and 16hrs is in the rest of the house. So, 66% of the cost is shared equally per family. Only 33% of the cost is split per room.

In your case a similar split plus obviously OBVIOUSLY the patents gift cost is calculated and split equally among you and your siblings without your DC having to "chip in" should be fair.

Op I hear ya ! You should be paying 25% ! I am absolutely 100% sure of this !

I really cannot get my head around why your db thinks it's acceptable to expect you to pay twice for your share and twice for your parents share !

But now I really need to know what's going to happen. Next ? Are you going to approach him with it ? Maybe if you posted the exact amount and guest list posters could break it down and work out your exact contribution and you could go to your db with numbers ?

As a gift it should be split 4 ways. That simple really.

If you feel that strongly about it then give your brother £250 and have done with it. He can hardly make you pay more. I think it might be better for future sibling relations to offer to pay a half-adult rate for your children. If you aren't worried about that just refuse to pay more than £250.

OK, so the next step is- where do you go from here?

What do your sisters think , what was their understanding of what had been agreed?

I can completely see your point- it was presented as a 4-way split, which is what you were expecting. Even if everyone had agreed that you should pay extra for the children's room- which you have clarified wasn't the case- then your brother would still be overcharging you.

Ah, sorry. I missed that there are 2 sisters.
I still believe that the accom cost should be split between the 4 siblings.
But I don't think it was unreasonable for your DB to assume you'd be using 2 rooms. Many families with 2 children would probably take advantage of there being an empty bedroom.
I do however feel that you should bear a larger share of catering costs.

I'm going to tell DB that I will pay 25% of the cost of this Christmas present to our parents.

Every year we get a big gift and we all contribute 25%. That was my understanding of what was to happen this year.

I will tell DB that he told our parents when he gave them a card that it was a gift from the 4 of us. But really I am being expected to pay a much bigger share than the others - because my DCs are having to pay a share if the gift even though their names were not on the card.

I prefer going away with my inlaws as they all have lots of children and are more understanding. We split the cost per family - and if one family is poorer than the others we don't demand they pay a equal amount if they can't.

I do see your point OP. But, when I thought (because I missed a crucial bit of information when reading the thread!), that a bigger house had been chosen specifically to accommodate all of you, I could also see why the cost had been split as it has. IME you cannot exceed maximum occupancy numbers no matter where you are sleeping. Although, yes, the cost of your parents' room should always have been between the siblings and not partners or DCs.

Now that I know that this is the only property considered & would have been booked whether you were going or not - I think you are right. The accommodation cost should be split four ways.

You should be paying 25%. Can you send an email to everybody which states that you will only use one room?

So its around £1,000 for the house. That should be divided by 6, to get a room cost. You pay 2 rooms worth (approx £333) and 1/4 of your parent's room, £42. So for it to be fair you pay no more than £374.

That would make it fairer for you.

Ok so split the cost of the parents' room between all siblings but if one couple uses an extra room they should pay more.

So the OP shouldn't pay more because she won't be using an extra room. Sorted.

Sorry x-posts again!

He'll come back and say parents share is the gift, the rest is payable per person.

Holiday homes have maximum occupancy rates though. You would get away with a two year old in your room however you can't just book a holiday home suitable for ten people and then sneak in extra children.

I mean you could sneak them in if you want to but they couldn't stay officially without the owners agreement.

Actually having a look at the breakdown of the rooms he put me in one room and DH in the spare room with the DCs. Probably so he can justify charging an adult for the spare room. That means DH is contributing towards the gift from the 4 siblings to my parents

I get you open and yanbu, the way the gift part is being split to very mean and wrong but i think it's very mean to try charge a 2 and 6 years old adult prices, totally tight, i'd say "sorry db but kids are in with us, cost is 250 per couple, I'll sort kids food separately, next birthday/Christmas I'll do my own thing"

if it was going to be rented anyway, regardless of number of people going etc, then a 4 way split between siblings is the easiest/best/obvious solution. your db sounds tight. what do your sisters think? you could always say your dh and kids will stay at home then, and you will pay a whole load less instead

I think the key things here are:

1. It's not a family holiday, it's a gift to parents
2. Previous gifts have been 25% - so fair assumption it's the same
3. They have not booked a bigger place because of the children

I wouldn't get into what's "fair" because everyone has an opinion on that.

I also don't think income is relevant - yes, in my family we sub the low earner with the most kids, but it's a choice not an expectation.

You also need to drop the mithering about him not being interested in the kids but wanting them there for GPs. Well - yes. He doesn't have to be interested in them. And he's right that GPs will want them there.

I wouldn't argue about fairness, as I said there are too many opinions on that. I'd just email:

"Hi Bro - I expected £25% as that's what we always contributed. I've budgeted £25% and it's really all I can afford this time".

Don't justify it further.

Look. It's £1000. Divide by 4- £250 each family. Sorted.

Email your siblings suggesting that. They would be incredibly unreasonable to say no. It means they £50 more per family but it sounds as if that's not going to break the bank.