To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

But in Travelodges for instance, there is always a camp bed or sofa bed to accommodate children, it is very unusual to sleep in what might be a small double bed - mum, dad, 6 yr old and 2 yr old that sounds like my idea of hell and I wouldn't get a wink of sleep

Somewhere along the line you should pay extra, no idea how much but there are 4 of you and everyone else is in 2's.

So how many people have a 6 year old who would sleep by himself in a strange hotel bedroom?

That's a pointless argument, as they are not staying in a hotel. They are in a house with family.

It would always be parent with child, other parent with child surely... that's what we always did.

I can imagine an alternative thread. We are renting a holiday cottage with family, my db has decided the the four of us only need one double room- AIBU to think this is unfair?

The whole hotel arguement is moot as they aren't staying in a hotel.

If they were perhaps they could have had a family room. Otherwise a roll up bed often isn't an option or even offered

Not all hotels allow over occupancy even if it is for a two year old and many places would have required two rooms interconnecting to accommodate a family of four

We used to manage a one bedroom cottage with eventually five children, which was preferable to forking over for more bedrooms. As long as there was a pull out couch it always worked fine. Baby and toddler slept with parents and older children shared the couch.

Usually you'd pay a charge for the put up bed, and plenty of places wouldn't accommodate it. Some places don't allow additional people in rooms at all, indeed I've stayed in some places that don't allow children at all because they think that they might cause damage.

At 2 and 6 my children would have shared a room perfectly happily in a holiday let, just as they did at home. To me six seems quite old to be not OK on their own with their parents nearby, and presumably other family that they know well too.

I think the problem with this is that this isn't a pure gift, it's a gift that (at least in theory) involves benefits to all parties, not just the grandparents. I also doubt very much that the wealthy brother has really set things up to save himself fifty pounds, an amount that probably don't register hugely with him.

He thought that a family weekend would give the grandparents pleasure, and everyone agreed (or didn't disagree very strongly). He then booked a place big enough for everyone (not for ten adults, but for ten adults and two children as that's the size of the family here). Dividing costs by the number of people was a really simple approach. He could have divided by family and that wodul be simple too. Both are perfectly reasonable. Fairness would require more complex calculations, but if it's for an amount of money he didn't think was a big issue I don't suppose it crossed his mind.

I think that the OP should involve all of her siblings in the cost discussion as it impacts them all. Just say it's too much and you can't afford it and ask for the split that you want. They will say yes or no. If the db has already objected then there's not much point in going after him again and the change affects everyone not just him.

Why are people pointlessly hammering on about room capacity?

To gauge how unreasonable the DB is to assume the children would need a separate room.

Nooka - OP has already said that the same accommodation would have been booked regardless of numbers being 10 or 12.

The issue is that when they all originally planned this, the cost was to have been shared by the four siblings. Now the DB has changed that plan without consultation. The cost is not to be split four ways. The OP is expected to pay more than the others on the basis that two individuals who were not originally included in the payment plan are now to be priced as if they were siblings.

I think if you need to stay somewhere and the rules are strict re occupancy then you are stuck with the rules
So if the rules are over two = a person and because of occupancy rules you need to get another room then you unfortunately have to do so.
So whether the 2 yo ....so not strictly a baby... Sleeps with you or your partner in the other room or with the 6 yo or you all sleep together is between you to decide but two rooms need to be purchased and paid for.
All the but what ifs don't factor in here...I speak from bitter experience

I've never yet stayed in a holiday house which didn't claim to sleep ridiculous numbers of people, normally they include a cot (fine for a 2yo) and a sofa-bed/ pull out bed or 2. So a 6 bedroom would probably claim to sleep at least 14 + cot and even tiny 2 bedroom caravans claim to sleep 6. Over-occupying seems like a bit of a red herring, particularly as this house was going to be booked regardless.

OP could choose not to take DC and only pay for 1 room, if the money was the only consideration, but the GPs want the DC there, it's part of their gift. The gift is the weekend for the GPs and this should be split equally. I'd like to know, if the parents were told about the finances, how happy they'd be with one of their DC having to pay so much more towards it, if this was my family, in this situation, my parents would be livid with DB for potentially ruining their weekend, by making it so hard for the GC to come.

OP hope you can manage to find a tactful way to manage this, sounds like there might be a slightly uncomfortable atmosphere during the weekend.

Helionandfriends, I know the OP said that but I can't think why she imagines the db would not have included her children in the numbers for booking the house. This is a gift of family time for grandparents who spend lots of time with their grandchildren and obviously want them to be there. I doubt very much that he thought she would leave them behind.

Plus she also said "he'd booked a house based on 12 people being there and worked out the costs for that" and that "he knows my parents would like my DCs to be there".

I think the real problem is that this family didn't discuss costs properly up front. I don't think that the brother changed the rules, he just made a different assumption that the one that the OP made. Who knows what the other two sisters assumed!

Tell your brother that you'd not realised he would be allocating a room to the DCs and that you can't afford it if that is how it's being organised, so they won't be coming. You'll arrange for them to stay with your in-laws.

I strongly suspect he will fold at that point.

If he's as mean as you say however, part of his enthusiasm for their presence may in fact have been the discount they represent.

It isn't a hotel though is it, or a caravan .A hotel has a sofa bed for a child in there parents room.In a caravan some berthe are on sofas.But this is neither of those things.It is a holiday cottahe and Every holiday cottage I have been in has the required number of beds for the people it claims to sleep.

Is there a cancel fee /it too late to rebook a smaller house or does the house provider have another smaller house you can all have? Tell your DB how tight money is, those with or doing ok for money often live in a bubble they just dont think sometimes/assume everyone is in same nice position.

Sazzle, the OP has repeatedly explained that this is the only property in the area large enough to house all the sibs and the parents.

There is a spare room on this weekend break no matter what happens, but if her kids go, the sibs can reduce their own share of the bill by charging her for it. It was always going to be this house or none.

So you don't want to go, don't consider it a holiday or in any way a pleasant experience yet you rate your scintillating company so highly that your mere presence is a gift!

Your poor parents. I hope my children never feel this way about spending time with me.

I don't think it's her parents (she's uniformly said they are lovely, and she budgets £200 every Xmas as an appreciative gesture) she wants to avoid, but her sibs.

Huftys - it's simply that her family isn't child orientated as they are yet to have kids. I'm sure it will all change over the years.