To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

How about....

Sorry DB I seem to have got confused.

The holiday home was our Xmas gift to Parents from the 4 of us at a cost of £1000. Of which my share is £250.

I am not sure why you are now breaking this down into rooms etc as it's the total cost we split.

I explained we don't need the extra room for dcs anyway.

Sorry if I've misunderstood somewhere along the way.

The Reason.

As the holiday home is the gift, your parents could invite Uncle Tom Cobley and all and it's still a 4 way split?

I bet if the DB was the one with children and the OP the childless one, she'd have started an AIBU about how it's not fair to be expected to pay for her DB's kids.

This weekend away is going to be about as much fun as watching paint dry. The OP is going to be adding everything up, taking her own food etc while seething away about the unfairness of it all. I feel sorry for the parents.

hormonal - no I would not expect DB to pay more if he was the one with children and I wasn't. I went on many holidays with my in-laws before I had children and it never occurred to me to try to divide the cost so that the parents were contributing for each child they brought - it was divided per family - unless someone was short of money in which case we'd all chip in to make sure they paid less.

I wouldn't be making such an issue if we actually had an extra spare £200 to spend. It's not a case of me just trying to save a few pennies. If money wasn't an issue I might let it go - but I still be annoyed with DB

I have an idea.

The house rental is the gift, yes? Which op and siblings normally split 4 ways.

Give details of it to parents. Tell them there are 6 bedrooms and they can invite who they want.

Job done.

I feel sorry for the OP's relatives. They will be expected to spend the next 18 odd years (or maybe 21 to cover university years) paying for her children, whenever the families do stuff together.

If you don't have the money don't go, from the tone of your email people might be hacked off if you don't go but at this rate they'll be mighty hacked off if you do-.
Parents shouldn't be penalised and I didn't say that- but they should pay for their child's share. Somewhere between free and less than £200 sounds about right to me.

Also bigger income can mean bigger debts- plush job can mean lots of stress and long working hours. You have decided what your brother's life is like and how he should socialise and spend money without making any concessions towards him, but he is supposed to work out how to ensure your kids are subsidised by a family holiday with no input from you.

Also bigger income can mean bigger debts
?

I do think the simplest solution is to leave the children with ILs. I'm sure you'll all enjoy some relaxed adult time.
If your parents specifically ask them to go, then it becomes part of the present.

OP, have you spoken to your DB and the rest of the family yet?

Have you e-mailed or phoned your DB yet OP?

If so, what did he say?

So you're certain you're not BU OP, what are you planning to do about it then?

As I said above several times - I'm going to pay 25% of the total only and I'll tell me DB after he returns from his short break away which he's currently on

You're doing the right and fair thing and I'm sure your other siblings will see it that way too
Just be straightforward with him and try not to enter into a 'discussion' just tell him that's what going to happen
I don't know why people are so off with you

OP, well done for deciding to speak up. I think that for the future you also need to clearly say to all your siblings that the total cost each sibling needs to be agreed when deciding on any joint presents so that no one gets any nasty surprises like you did this time.

This is a holiday cottage, not an hotel. In a hotel, you pay by the room. For a cottage, you pay for the whole. Our cottages are rated for a certain number of people plus babies in cots. So, if the cottage has 2 - or 15 people, the cost is the same. I would be dividing the cottage per head (not babies) but including your 8 year old. I think your income and childcare costs are your own concern, not theirs.

That said, I would not agree to a cottage without knowing exactly what it was going to cost.

As the rooms are a bit of a side issue, I would split the bill between all adults + your 6 year old. So, if DB and wife pay 200, you pay 300.

After all, your DB would have had to lie about the occupancy had he booked a smaller cottage. He has booked one, correctly, with a bed space per person.

But her brother was only ever going to book this cottage. They didn't have to rent a larger one for the kids, it would have cost the same whether the kids were there or not. Stick to your guns op. And never be coerced into another mini break that you don't really want to go on!

Who do you think would wind up using the 6th room if no one specifically pays for it?

I don't really understand how you going on a holiday can be counted as part of the present to your parents. If you were all going for dinner, surely you would pay more because of your children. You should each pay for your own, as well as a fair 25% share of your parents expenses. To me then, that means there are two options:

1. Use the two rooms and pay for two rooms
2. Only use one room, and split the cost equally between all siblings.

However, the second option would mean that you had to stick to that, and not whinge as the holiday progresses about how cramped the bed is, and can your DC's use the spare room. If they use the spare room, you pay for the spare room as you're the parent of your DC's. If you don't want the spare room, then use it as a separate relaxation room where people can go to get some space, with each person being able to use it.

About food, I would treat the children as 0.5 of an adult. If there are 8 adults in total and your two children, then you pay for 3/8 (you, DH and your two children at half of an adult each).

What your brother earns is irrelevant. He has no obligation to subsidise you - having a well-off relative with a great lifestyle doesn't entitle you to latch onto his success and benefit from his lifestyle. Maybe he has debts, maybe he doesn't believe in expensive presents for children, or maybe he just thinks you're too greedy for his money and is annoyed by you - whatever, just accept any presents given gracefully instead of expecting more. If you grasp at him, he might decide not to bother giving presents at all.

But her brother was only ever going to book this cottage. They didn't have to rent a larger one for the kids

Actually, if I remember correctly without trawling back through the whole thread, the OP said that this was the only one her DB had found that was suitable. He was probably looking for houses for 12, seeing as how there are 12 people going . There may not have been a house suitable for 10 plus 2. So they may well have needed a larger one as the kids were going .

But surely you can see it is not equitable for 4 people to pay the same as 2 people? Even if your DC are smaller than the adults they will be still using the communal facilities and you should pay something in recognition of this.Not the full £200, but something.

No budgiegirl, OP updated to say he was looking for 10 adults, it was the only place that would take that many adults. Nothing to do with children.

When your brother comes back just breezily say 'Oh gosh no, it's supposed to be a joint treat - so I'll leave the kids at home to enable you all to fully contribute'.

Yanbu in this circumstances. Your brother sounds a right mean dick - i can't believe he has had the brass neck to expectvyou toboay so much more, especially if financially, he is much more comfortable. I would never becthat mean to family, especially if they were less well off. Split 4 ways or pull out - you won't enjoy the weekend anyway.

Saying that, if there is a spare room, it is ridiculous squeezing you all into one bed. Simple, each parent shares a bed with a child and you have more space.