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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
chippednailvarnish · 16/08/2015 13:24

Will you stop saying this its fucking annoying

sock you just made me snort with laughter! Grin

TidyDancer · 16/08/2015 13:30

Have you spoken to your DB/the others yet?

MissSingerbrains · 16/08/2015 13:32

YANBU OP. The house rental is a gift and should be split between 4 siblings. 25% each - simples!

It would be unfair to expect you to pay 40%. Family sizes and bedrooms are irrelevant in this case. This is not a holiday and not a hotel where you work out the price per room.

I would speak to all your siblings.

Gunpowderplot · 16/08/2015 13:32

There is no real reason why the cost for the children should be deemed to be less than the cost for an adjult. They have been allocated a bed each (as per the rules of the accommodation, probably), and will have the same use of the showers, eat foot that has been cooked in the oven and stored in the fridge, use the garden, etc. Why should the cost for them be less than for adults? They should only pay less if the accommodation stated that the cost of children is less than for adults. Otherwise, the non-parents in the group are being expected to subsidise them, which is not reasonable unless they have generously offered to do so out of kindness.
Having children is very expensive. Which is why some parents have to stop going on holidays, or go camping instead of renting a holiday cottage.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 16/08/2015 13:35

Mythicalkings FFS, OP, how many more times? The cost of the children being there is 0. Other people are not paying for the children - because the cost difference between them being there and not being there is 0.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 16/08/2015 13:43

Gunpowder - on a joint holiday I would agree (mostly). But it isn't a holiday. The present to the parents is "your four children and their families will come away with you". And as gift, why should the larger family pay double.

Even if you think account should be taken of family size, the OP shouldn't be paying a double contribution to her parents room.

Original poster
TheReason · 16/08/2015 13:45

Yes that's right - because of the particular circumstances, no one is having to pay extra if my children attend - but my 3 siblings will actually get to pay less if my DCs attend

I am not expecting other people to pay for my children in this case

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 16/08/2015 13:47

If it pisses your siblings off that they are 'paying for your children' I would say that they should have thought about that when the type of gift was decided on.

If the gift was a sofa would they expect you to pay more because more members of your family would sit on it over the years??

Mutt · 16/08/2015 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beachcomber · 16/08/2015 13:50

Although as you have said, nobody is actually 'paying for your children' anyway. Rather wrangling a discount on what they should be paying by making you pay more than your fair share of a gift.

DoreenLethal · 16/08/2015 13:52

Have you actually said 'no' yet?

Not to us. To your siblings.

Panzee · 16/08/2015 13:56

487 messages and nothing has happened yet.

As an aside, do you think the poster going to a wedding/reception in DC reread the invitation and was so embarrassed she got the thread pulled?

Wink
Liquoricetwirl · 16/08/2015 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeeWe · 16/08/2015 14:04

The thing is that the children aren't necessarily costing nothing.
The holiday house needs to be for, lets say 4 siblings, plus spouses, parents, plus 2 children. That's 12 people.
When they say that's the only house suitable I assume they mean it's the only house suitable for 12 people.
There may be other houses suitable for 10 people that would be cheaper.

So maybe the fairest thing to do would be for the brother to show which house they'd have rented for 10. All siblings pay 25% of that price and OP pays the difference in the cost of the 10 person house and the 12 person house plus their 25%.

TidyDancer · 16/08/2015 14:10

Dee, I think the OP said there were no suitable houses for just 10.

diddl · 16/08/2015 14:10

I do think that you are being hard on your brother though. He has booked the only place he could and not unnaturally assumed that you would use the extra room for your children and perhaps forgetting the original intention, has charged you thus.

The simple reply is that it is unfortunate that that was the only accommodation available, but as per original agreement, you will be paying a quarter share.

Bubblesinthesummer · 16/08/2015 14:18

for what my parents understand to be a gift paid for equally by each of their 4 children.

Why would they assume is is paid equally?

Do you put on the card each paid 25%. Why would your parents even think abou it? My parents wouldn't look into anything that deeply and just see it as a present from us all. strange idea

You also have said you pay this sort of money for presents for you parents as they help you our with childcare. or words to that effect However you aren't paying anymore than your siblings, who have no children, you are paying the same.

rookiemere · 16/08/2015 14:21

I'm starting to feel for the DB now.

Really all that is required is straight up front communication. Email to all:

"I've been thinking about the cottage rental and I had thought that we'd be splitting 25% as normal and that our share would be the normal cost of our gifts at around £200.

I wish we'd discussed costs in advance and I appreciate that I should have done that with you. I do appreciate the work DB has done finding a nice cottage.

We're quite strapped at the minute with two sets of nursery fees, so we wouldn't have agreed with the cottage if we'd known it would cost us so much, particularly when the DCs are happy to share a room with us, so the 6th bedroom is not necessary on our account.

We could afford the 25% split as we normally do for family gifts, so £250 per sibling. I think this would be a fairer way to split it. Let me know your thoughts"

Inertia · 16/08/2015 14:28

At this point in the proceedings, I wouldn't even bother arguing about it.

I would just send a round robin email including brother and sisters and ask whether he wants the £250 from each of you as a bank transfer or cheque and be done with it.

Gunpowderplot · 16/08/2015 14:33

They should split the cost of the parents' room between the number of siblings, I agree. The family members will presumably all enjoy the holiday, they are not going through some terrible sacrifice by being there, so should pay per person, not per family.

chippednailvarnish · 16/08/2015 14:33

Rookie you can't feel for the DB being slagged off without his knowledge on the internet, as he's mean, buys the Op's DCs cheap presents, and worst of all he's rich!!

WayneRooneysHair · 16/08/2015 14:35

It's his money, he can do what he likes with it.

chippednailvarnish · 16/08/2015 14:37

That was sarcastic by the way Wink

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 16/08/2015 14:38

If my sister send me a gift signed from her /dH and 3 kids, I would assume she paid for the gift and not dipped into the kids piggy banks because they should pay their share. It's the same principle.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/08/2015 14:45

Thank you for rephrasing op. I can now stop thinking about daily fail sad faces and bailiffs chasing 2yo's