To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP needs to take her feelings about her DB out of this if it is going to be sorted out without a fall-out along the way.

Also, have just re-read the thread I clearly have a sad life and seen the comment that she will be buying her own shopping for the weekend for her, DP and DCs. I can see that going well.

'Which bread is ours because I am about to make some toast? DB did you want some- which bread is yours? Mum, dad- do you have any bread left? No? Oh you can't have any toast then. I could sell you a couple of slices at 50p each- that takes petrol and wear and tear on the car and the insurance into account for when we went to the supermarket to buy it.'

I have stopped thinking this thread is about someone being a bit badly done to. OP is coming across as feeling jealous of DB having more money. My view now is don't have kids and expect others to subsidise you.

We are off for a family lunch with PIL and SIL and fiance (who are getting married tomorrow) at a pub on the. moors of West Yorkshire . I have my calculator and a formula that means I can put in everyone's household income, cost of each course they choose (including 8 month old DS), plus a weighting for age of DS, and a percentage of anyone who shares anyone eles's starter/veg/ pudding, how much alcohol each consumes and I will be working out the division of the bill down to the last penny to ensure it is scrupulously fair. Should only take me 20 minutes. That is the way to ensure family occasions are happy ones.

I prefer going away with my inlaws as they all have lots of children and are more understanding. We split the cost per family - and if one family is poorer than the others we don't demand they pay a equal amount if they can't.

They have children so you are on an 'equal footing'.

Do you know the ins and outs of everyone's finances all very strange

It does seem to me, that some of this is rooted in the fact that your DB has more money than you.

You chose to have children, which for you means you have less money. I don't see why you feel he should compensate for your life choices as that is the way this is coming accross., no matter what the rights and wrongs of this holiday are.

How much my DB earns is relevant as if DB was very broke I would be more than happy to pay a greater share if I could afford it to take the pressure off him.

As DB is well off I resent him charging my children for a room they don't need - which means I have to pay 40% of the cost of the gift to my parents - and DB ends up paying only 20% - even though we should all actually be paying 25% as the rental is a joint gift to my parents and was presented to them as such

DB is saving himself 5%

The spare room is there regardless of whether my DCs use it as DB selected this house as it was the only one that could accommodate 10 adults

Aah, that old chestnut, so when you don't need to travel in school holidays you'll refuse the low season discount?

sally exactly. It's 'freeloading' or the same as shoplifting to squeeze and extra in, but doubling prices in school hols is totally fine, supply and demand you see

Although I can sort of see where you are coming from with the high prices during holidays, unfortunately it IS supply and demand.

Are you honestly saying that if you were in the fortunate position of owning a holiday property, you would charge the same price all year round, regardless of season, peak times etc. Because you would be a very unusual person to do this.

We would actually prefer that families were allowed to travel term time, it would spread the season out for everyone - maids, local shops and restaurants, much nicer than the mad scrum that is July and August, and empty restaurants in June and September

Won't it cost each family £250 if split between the siblings?

If you usually give £200 towards a presnt for your parnts, then an extra £50 for the four of you to be with them isn't bad!

So are you going to do anything about it? Or just seethe?

I'd have thought the sensible way to do it, given that this was the only house available regardless of number of kids is that OP pays as follows:

25% of parents' room
25% of remaining house rental
more than 25% of food
more than 25% of any electric etc if required to be paid afterwards

No costa I'm saying calling people 'freeloaders' for trying to squeeze an extra in is as bad as me saying property owners are all greedy and rip people off doubling costs in school holiday.

But at least the property owners are being up front, telling you the price, you then choose to book or not.

Agreeing to pay a price, and then deciding to sneak extra people in is a whole different kettle of fish

Again, you'd be wrong but hey ho, don't let that stop you! I don't know any private apartment/villa owner who doubles their rates for half term, my properties are priced the same for the whole of April and May, whenever Easter or half term occurs makes no difference, if Easter is in March you get the winter rate - same in October, the whole month is the same price, and if half term goes into November, you'd get the winter rate for those days

We know your attitude to paying the going rate for things, you've already told us

I am happy to pay £250 in total for my one quarter share if this joint gift to our parents - even though this is over the expected £200.

I am not happy to divide the cost per room so that I pay £400 while my 3 siblings each pay £200 -- for what my parents understand to be a gift paid for equally by each of their 4 children.

Even if there was to be a charge for the children - (which I don't agree with) - I think it's mean to make a 2 yr old pay a full adult price. A 2 yr old will hardly be using
up a huge amount of facilities to justify this. He sits on my lap, won't be using showers etc. His presence will hardly make a difference except for the happiness it will bring to my parents

I agree with you OP.

The budget is about a gift to your parents. All talk of occupancy and rooms is irrelevant. The subject is a gift that happens to involve the givers going and staying somewhere.

Plus it is already a bit more than the usual budget of 200.

It would possibly be different if it was a family holiday that you were choosing to go on. But it isn't a family holiday, it is a shared gift.

There happens to be an extra room that you have neither asked for nor need.

I would make no mention of rooms when clearing things up with your brother but only talk of usual shared budget for your parent's Xmas gift. You havent budgeted twice the normal amount for this year. End of.

Good luck.

OP - I think we all get your logic by now. At the beginning of the thread I thought the current price split was ok, but now I am convinced that 25% each is the right way to go. However I wasn't necessarily convinced by you as there's a lot of irrelevant stuff around earnings, present sizes and other stuff, which don't help your argument.

The key issue as I see it is that you all didn't agree a budget in advance and both parties made assumptions about what the cost and split should be.

However you seem to have worked yourself up unnecessarily about this and in order to convince the others of your logic you need to present this in a calm rational fashion. There's been a number of suggestions above on how you can do it and I suggest you take one of those and keep it as brief and to the point as possible.

This is a gift to your parents and I'm sure they'd be very upset if they heard about this, so ultimately you have two options 1) present the case for a 25% split each way or 2) pay £400 with good grace and think of it in lieu of the additional childcare you'd be paying if your parents didn't help out.

Have you told your siblings yet?

FFS, OP, how many more times? The child isn't paying. You are. Most people don't expect other people to pay for their children.

I am actually with you OP. If this was simply a joint holiday then I think a room split is fair. But this has been agreed as "Your whole family will come together to celebrate " and I think the cost of a present is split equally (unless specifically agreed differently upfront)

I think for the sake of family harmony, you need to meet half way on this. There are more people in your family so I can understand why other people would expect you to pay more, regardless of how you ended up with the house. Your DCs shouldn't be charged an adult rate though. I'm still going with my suggestion earlier as a reasonable compromise.

Your DB's earnings have absolutely zero to do with what anyone should pay so I would try to forget this aspect. The last thing you want to is (accidentally) raise this with him as you will automatically be unreasonable and seen as jealous and bitter.

make a 2 yr old pay a full adult price

Will you stop saying this its fucking annoying.

Is he going to expect the 2yo to hand over cash?is he directly asking the 2yo?

Unless he is then it's emotive pathetic language.

You are being asked to pay a full adult share for your 2yo is the less annoying more accurate way of putting it.

Ok - well to phrase it another way I am being asked to pay 4 full adult prices - on behalf of me, DH, and the 6 yr old DS and the 2 yr old DS

Originally it was meant to be that each sibling would pay 25% of the total cost

So, have you emailed / called the others to say that 25% is the split that you think is fair?