To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

You have to give copies of passports in Amsterdam,we just had to. Quite rightly so as in case of a fire I guess a property owner is responsible and needs to know exactly how many people are in a property.

I keep thinking about this thread. Now I have decided that what I would do is the following:

1. Divide the cost between the rooms.
2. Each couple pays the base rate of their own room. You are then left with the cost of the spare room and the parents room.
3. The parents room cost should be split equally between the four couples (taking care of the gift aspect of the holiday).
4. The spare room cost should be 50% OP's responsibility (to reflect that their family has more people staying) and 50% split between the rest of the siblings.

OP will then only be paying a little bit extra and not the unreasonable extra that her DB is currently attempting her to pay.

You keep saying it's "mean". It's not mean; it's grossly over stepping the mark and you need to be perfectly clear you're not paying it.
But don't tell him he's mean, it makes you both sound six years old...

TheReason, you are right. Pay 25%.

Ok, I have not interpreted quite right. But the gift was a break for parents, not a family holiday. I fully understand (I think) that the accommodation would have been booked whatever. But, personally, the problems of how much the db has spent on gifts for the op's children etc have riled me a bit - it has given me the impression that nothing the op's db does would ever be right. In the situation described, if I was a sil or dil I would feel annoyed, and feel as if I were being asked to pay for someone else's children. Obviously, many don't.

I agree with Boy - it does seem that nothing the DB did would be right in this situation.

In the OP's shoes, I think this could be sorted out quite easily, but it does require the mindset or the presumption of a mindset that the DB was not out to diddle her originally.

I'd email and say " Look I thought we were going to split this 4 ways like we would normally do for DP's gifts, and it would be the normal cost per family of around £200.
I can see why you've assumed we'd pay extra but we don't really need the extra room for the DCs and it really pushes the holiday out of our budget.
I'm really glad you've found something but can we split it 4 ways please."

Then email all.

It's this getting massively riled up about the DB and presuming the worst that doesn't help the situation.

bigbum, I can see she agreed to splitting the cost, but nothing about agreeing what the cost was (ie. the whole trip or the parents' share). Or indeed about it being an equal split between siblings. If I was splitting the cost of a full family holiday I'd assume that meant paying for my children even though they are very small. I'm sure my siblings wouldn't expect me to cover the children BUT nor would I expect them to pay for them. Maybe I'm struggling with this as I can't comprehend why this wasn't planned jointly, discussed properly etc.

But Boy, the OP hasn't actually voiced her feelings to them so how could they be feeling annoyed over that? Yes the OP should suck that up, it's up to them to spend what they want on her kids for birthdays but she shouldn't suck up paying for them when told to bring them and them costing nothing- it's costing the others nothing for accommodation. For food of course she should pay a bit more for her children though if her brother likes to buy expensive things and expects the others to suck up and pay towards then it may well even out.

It's very strange to me. It's like paying for a theme park for the adults and getting the kids free, yet saying 'oh well we saved on not paying for the kids so lets split 12 ways instead of the 10 we'd be paying for anyway'. It's just cheap imo.

MrsH I don't agree. They always split presents equally and decided to split this time too. If they'd had to pay more because of the children, because they needed a room then OP should have paid that but as it stands they didn't.

People keep saying about 'paying for the kids' but the point is that they are not. The house is exactly the same price whether the kids come or not and the brother insisted they come when OP would have left them. I find it cheap, like getting the theme park tickets I mentioned above. I do think they should pay more for food or bring DCs some separate but not for accommodation.

Althusser could have easily been avoided if DB and OP had discussed cash properly pre booking

Then you'd be wrong - we don't have a migrant problem here

It doesn't matter why it's been brought in though - the result is that freeloading will be much harder

No i don't think we'll be going away with DB again. I've learnt my lesson. I'll stick to holidays with the in-laws in future as I prefer their attitude to things

What if the 'bed' is a big standard double. Are you all going to fit in there then!?

*bog standard

I don't think your kids should contribute towards the cost of the 'present'... the cost of grandparents' room needs to be split equally between the adult siblings.

But I do think you're being U to expect to all cram into one room and only pay for one room. You should have made it very clear at the start you wanted to do this, as most people would expect a family of 4 to want 2 rooms rather than all share a double-bed.
Also your children will be using hot water and electricity, need seating in living and dining areas, need space to play etc... a smaller cheaper house would have been cramped for everyone with 2 children present. IMO you also need to contribute extra to the food bill since you're a family. I don't think it's fair to expect your children to go free or expect other family members to pay anything towards them. It's irrelevant how much other family members earn, how much disposable income they have or how much child-care you pay... they're still your responsibility, even if your in-laws do holidays differently.

If you don't want the extra room and your brother agrees it can be treated as an empty spare room, I suggest the cost of spare room is split equally between all the adults (including you and your DH). That makes it fair. I don't think he was U to assume 4 people would need more than 1 bed!

Yes why not.

2 yr old DS always sleeps between us in our standard double bed and 6 yr old DS often ends up lying along the end of the bed in the middle of the night.

I would prefer to squash into a bed it means saving £200 we don't actually have.

I think the fairest thing to do is to email all, and say that you will only be using one room, (and stick to doing that) and that you want to split the cost of the accommodation evenly, i.e. 25% per couple. Leave aside out of your head, and out of all communication, any emotive stuff about your toddler paying, and about your brother and how he chooses to spend his money.

You could say in the email, that otherwise it is just working out too expensive for you to travel. As others have suggested, mention that you will be bringing along food for the children, if that is what you plan to do.
Whatever you do, don't start quibbling while there about food and whatnot as it will take the good out of the whole thing for everyone.
Above all, don't agree to such travel / holidays in future, without ironing out details in advance.

OP, please let us know what happens. I'm over invested in this thread and I think you are right.

Well those of you that own holiday rentals certainly make children pay ... You only need to look at the difference in school holiday prices to see that, it's shocking when thought of in those terms. And now you have the government backing with school fines. So if your talking the morals of an extra air bed you need to think again.

You do seem a bit obsessed with how much money your DB earns.

It doesn't matter if the DC use the room or not! The weekend away is the gift, not just the parent's room ffs.

That wasn't to anyone in particular by the way, just me getting way too involved