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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 16/08/2015 10:59

No, completely different liquorice
not

Liquoricetwirl · 16/08/2015 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyPickle · 16/08/2015 11:00

We are now required, by law, to check the occupants of a rental property, and their passports/ID cards, huge fines possible for anyone who contravenes this, and the prospect of being ejected from the property with no notice or compensation - not quite so grin eh?

That could be fun - when I'm on holiday in the UK I have none of those things, nor am I required to have them..

I'm not sure about the legality of ejection with no notice either.... I certainly couldn't do that with my normal rental property, perhaps there are different laws for holiday lets?

I'm not saying that occupancy should be ignored btw. I'm just not sure it's as legally enforceable as you seem to think, rather than being a policy that you impose.

Original poster
TheReason · 16/08/2015 11:00

stampy I like your family's approach

When we go away with our in laws they have less money than us and I would never ever be so mean with them as DB is being with me

We split the cost per family. On one occasion SIL was quite broke and we didn't want her to feel bad so we told her the rental cost less than it actually did and we paid the extra amount. I would prefer to be in a family that helped each other out - not one where everyone has their calculators out making sure every 2 yr old pays their way on full. It's just a bit mean!

OP posts:
MadamArcatiAgain · 16/08/2015 11:01

The 'gift' bit ie your parents room needs to be split 4 ways,I agrr.But you need to pay for the extra room because

  1. you should have been upfront with your DB before he paid that you only required one room.Any reasonable person would have expected everybody to have a bed.
  2. It is not just about the bedrooms-I assume your DC will have use of the communal facilities- the bathroom, the living room , the garden? You need to stop bleating on about your DS being expected to pay for himself.As a a parent you have to pay for children you have decided to have and not just expect that your relatives will because they have more money than you.
NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/08/2015 11:01

I stay in quite a few holiday lets and have never stayed in one that classed an under 1 as existing or a 2-10yo as a full person they have always been classed as half.

But that's utterly irrelevant as the entire holiday and company is a gift to the ops DP's, the gift is from the siblings not their partners or kids and the children are not increasing the cost.

So those siblings without children should not use the ones with kids to subsidise their gift

bigbumtheory · 16/08/2015 11:02

OP some people will agree with you and some will disagree, you obviously don't think it's fair so are you going to send an email saying so? Or are you just going to suck it up and seethe when your brother expects you to pay towards his expensive foods?

Because imo at least if you say now and sort it you stand a chance of a better weekend. Otherwise it could all blow up then which isn't fair on your parents or other sblings.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 16/08/2015 11:02

They are not going on a package holiday (which would involve per person costs) though - they are paying a fixed price for a holiday rental, which remains the same however many people (up to the maximum allowed) stay.

Comparing a fixed price holiday let to a per person package holiday doesn't really make sense. Makes as much sense to say "If you ordered a party pizza to be shared between 10 adults, with 4 adults having agreed to pay, but then your children came along when everyone had declared themselves full and ate a slice that would otherwise have been thrown away, you as a parent should now pay for 40% of the pizza"

The unit price is static and unaffected by whether the DC sleep in an otherwise unused room, or eat the unwanted piece of pizza, and the DB has seized an opportunity to move the goal posts and pay less than his agreed 25% of the unit price ... whether out of avarice or because he has some kind of point to prove about people paying for having children ... or more likely (hopefully) just because he has got carried away and forgotten that what everyone agreed to before booking was a present to his parents paid for by their adult children 25% each, just as they do every year.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 16/08/2015 11:03

I agree with the pp who said you also benefit. I also think consider what one of your sils or your bil would say.

'My dp committed me to a holiday break with my pils, and all their siblings, partners, and my sil's kids. The party includes all of us. Aibu to feel a bit fed up that I have to pay for her kids because we thought a family of 4 woud want 2 rooms? Fair enough, split my pils' room but I don't have kids (fertility reasons not shared with you, hate them, not the time, not what we want right now), why should I pay for them?'

I probably haven't articulated well, but i'd be really pissed off to pay for your children and be criticised for the gifts I'd bought.

WayneRooneysHair · 16/08/2015 11:05

FFS OP you children are not expected to pay for themselves, you are as their parent.

Costacoffeeplease · 16/08/2015 11:05

I'm not in the UK

Original poster
TheReason · 16/08/2015 11:07

Thanks again nurnoch you've explained it much better than I have

OP posts:
bigbumtheory · 16/08/2015 11:08

But boy the price is the same if they come or not an OP was happy for them not to, it was brother who insisted. So really it's:

My dp committed me to a holiday break with my pils, and all their siblings, partners, and my sil's kids. The party includes all of us. Aibu to feel a bit fed up that she's paying nothing for her kids accommodation wise? They are all sharing one room and though the house has a spare one. We had no choice but to get this house because it was the only one large enough to house all the adults so the room was just an extra bonus. Should we insist they pay extra anyway though they didn't want or need or agree to the room and my DP insisted the kids come?

Original poster
TheReason · 16/08/2015 11:10

I should give up on this thread as I'm going round in circles. Although it has clarified things for me and I've decided I'm not BU Grin

I am being expected to pay 40% of a gift - when it was presented to my parents as being a gift from all 4 equally. I should only be paying 25%

OP posts:
Liquoricetwirl · 16/08/2015 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 16/08/2015 11:11

But Boy nobody is being asked to pay for her kids

The house would have been booked whether or not her kids existed - it is the only one in the chosen area that can sleep all the adults

The cost of the children going too is 0

Nobody is paying for the OP's kids

4 adults agreed to buy their parents a joint present, and one of them has decided to split the cost of the present unequally, nominating somebody else for the double share and himself for the smaller, without running this past the others first.

SavoyCabbage · 16/08/2015 11:11

It's quite possible that the OP's brother hasn't given this half as much thought as we have!

He needed to rent a holiday house for ten people, so he did. Then he split the costs as he saw fit at the time.

He might not have thought about the gift aspect.

bigbumtheory · 16/08/2015 11:12

So OP, will you do anything about it? Or just be pissed off in private?

DocHollywood · 16/08/2015 11:13

You put it so much better than the rest of us Nur. I feel like banging my head against a wall so god knows how you're feeling op

MrsHarveySpecter · 16/08/2015 11:14

I think the problem here is the OP has assumed she would pay 25%, based on past presents which have presumably been objects/gifts only benefitting the parents. The brother has assumed the gift is the parents' room. As the saying goes 'assumption is the mother off all fuck ups'.

DocHollywood · 16/08/2015 11:14

...and that's very true Savoy

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/08/2015 11:14

'My dp committed me to a holiday break with my pils, and all their siblings, partners, and my sil's kids. The party includes all of us. Aibu to feel a bit fed up that I have to pay for her kids because we thought a family of 4 woud want 2 rooms? Fair enough, split my pils' room but I don't have kids (fertility reasons not shared with you, hate them, not the time, not what we want right now), why should I pay for them?'

After a few posts it would become apparent that the size of the house and amount of rooms has bugger all to do with the children attending or not.

And that the entire holiday and people attending was meant to be a gift to the inlaws,that the value of the usual gift is around £200 per sibling so clearly the intention is a high value gift.

I would say why should her children be used to lower the contribution towards the gift from you?

Costacoffeeplease · 16/08/2015 11:16

I am in Europe enough, and it's a recent change in the law - so sponging freeloaders - beware Wink

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 16/08/2015 11:16

You have my sympathy TheReason

The offer to pay instalments was a mistake - get in touch with all your siblings and make it clear you will be paying 25% as initially agreed, and if they would prefer you not to bring your children in order to make this "fair" then you will ask the other grandparents to babysit, and confirm your attendance if they are able to have the kids for you.

bigbumtheory · 16/08/2015 11:18

MrsHarveySpecter the2 25% was initially agreed that's why the OP is so pissed, her brothers the one assuming.