To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

It is a family holiday! The kids are also nephews/nieces and the grandkids.

If it is to be split 4 ways then it needs splitting 4 ways.

Getting the OP to pay for the majority when she wasn't allowed to leave the kids at home as they are a plaything for the grandparents, is not an excuse to offload the majority of the cost onto her.

It's like saying 'we are buying a picture between us, but your kids might stare at it so we are including them into the calcs'.

Mean. Very mean.

And OP - opt out in future. Your brother seems to be the one leading this and making all the decisions on your behalf.

The point is that cottages aren't charged per person. The only cottage in the area is a 5 bedroom one. Whether 8 people go or 8 adults and 2 children, it doesn't change the price. Whether the cottage is advertised as being for 10 people or 12 people, they are still within the occupancy limit. Bringing the children along is the BIL's idea but the OP has to pay double for them.

And yes, it is pretty mean that if your sister says she can't afford something that you offer to let her pay in installments.

The holiday let is 1,000 pounds. It wasn't unreasonable when they discussed splitting the cost that the OP assumed it would be an even split.

If I were booking a holiday home for eg myself and another family I would book 2 rooms for us 4, because I don't want to sleep in the same room as my dc, I'd confirm with the other family the number of rooms in case they are happy to bring camp beds/ cosleep with their dc. I'd split costs by number of rooms, that's fair.

Oh I'd also check that people can afford it before I book.

OP I'm broadly on your side but I don't get why the only option was to book a 12 bed. Your siblings may be annoyed that you've not made it clearer upfront that you don't want a room for your 6yo, it's not an unreasonable assumption.

Wonder if db has replied yet.

holiday homes are not rented out on the number of occupants - what a load of nonsense people spout as "fact".

If I rent a 24 bed stately home advertised as sleeping maximum 50 people for a week and stay there on my own in splendid isolation, I will pay exactly the same as if I take my 48 children and great Auntie Joan with me... you just can't go over the occupancy rate, the owners don't care if one person or 50 sleep there as long as you are not over the advertised (and therefore insured for) maximum occupancy.

I'd have split it equally.

The gift was presented to our parents at Christmas as a house rental from us 4 DCs

If I had realised I would have to pay twice what everyone else is paying then I would not have been happy with it being presented as a gift from us 4

Every year we give a big gift divided in 4. This yearly gift usually comes to approx £200 so this is what I budgeted for.

We agreed vague costs and I know you can say I should have nailed down the costs but I just assumed it would cost around the usual £200

This house which DB picked turned out to be much more expensive than a normal house. He booked it without telling me that actually this is going to cost you £400 rather than £200. I think it is very overpriced for what it is but it is booked now.

Also, I don't think DB can say that the gift to my parents was that we'd split the cost of their room only - as this would be quite a low amount compared to what we had discussed. If that was the case it should have been presented to my parents that all of us were going paying individually to go away on a holiday and were dividing the cost of my parents room alone.

As the former owner of a holiday let I would not expect people to sleep four in a bed. Three, maybe, but not four. I wouldn't like that at all.

Your DB probably didn't think you would do that, I wouldn't and I don't think many people would.

Your DC aren't being asked to pay, as others have said. Why would you think you shouldn't pay for them? Fair to me would be they count as one adult.

Am I missing something? I thought the OP had explained this was a joint gift not a family holiday as such. The way it was agreed initially was 1/4 each between the 4 siblings so £250 each. The DB insisted the DCs came and also that particular rental property would have been hired regardless of who was going.

If it was a family holiday I think it would have been normal to assume a 2 and 6 YO would have a room to share, I would never ever consider that a family would have shared a room with 4 of them but still I wouldn't have thought the children would be charged the same as an adult, I would have been specific re the cost too. We would either split per family or pay half an adult for the kids.

In this situation I think you should only be paying 1/4 and I think you should tell him and your siblings straight.

Ok I think it needs to be calculated so that each of the families pays an equal share of the grandparent's room rather than the op having to pay 2 shares. I do however think that you should pay the extra for the 2nd room, regardless of whether the children sleep in there or not. I say this as someone pregnant with her 5th. My db has 1 child. If my family go anywhere with his family I expect to pay more, becuase there are more bodies to accommodate. It is not a matter of who is using what bed but there are other facilities in the house that your children will need to use. Insurance has already been mentioned but I know mine use a lot of water for example. You may find that when you get there having the extra room as a sort of play room will be a godsend.
We also have the least amount of disposable income, but a huge part of that is because we chose to have the family we have. When booking flights, I quite happily let my six year old sit on my lap, but I still have to pay for a seat for her because she is over 2, and I can tell you it is 't reduced rates either. In fact I am struggling to think of anything where my children don't have to pay at least something. It works the other way too. We took the children to lego land recently. I didn't go on anything as I am pregnant, yet I still had to pay full whack to get in there.
My worry would be that the weekend will have an awful atmosphere if this is left to go on. I can see the other sibling being happy to cover their share of what the children were paying for the grandparents, but anything else is going to be like them paying for your children.

Cross posted. You are nit-picking and being a bit petty. If you carry on your parents may hear about it and the present would be spoiled for them. This Christmas be clear to your DB what you are prepared to pay or just buy from your family.

The spare room will be there anyway regardless of whether my DCs go.

DB had to book a house with 6 rooms as it was only house that could accommodate 10 adults in the area. The house can sleep 12 in total.

DB is the one most anxious that my DCs attend as he knows my parents want them there. But he wants me to cover the cost of their room - even though this is meant to be a gift from us 4 siblings split 4 ways

I don't think 400 pounds is nit picking. It's a lot of money for many people especially during the summer holidays. A lot of people can just magic up an extra 200 pounds because the brother booked an expensive place.

I think you're using your kids as pawns and expect them to go on holidays without being paid for. When your siblings have children too(maybe more) I suspect you'll think differently.

Pretty sure if your brother had booked a break sans kids you would have been complaining about that.

Can't believe zero discussion was had pre booking,if so you are as much to blame as your brother.

Feel so sorry for your parents(and your DC).

If I were you, OP, I'd use the other room. One night you in it, in blissful peace with no kids, and one night for your DH. Then stump up the extra £50 or whatever it is and don't ruin your parents' trip. You can still harbour a grudge against your brother but don't let it spoil the trip. The trip is worth much more than money. Families are worth much more than money. You are getting a bit obsessive about it, I think.

If your parents want them there why would you not take them? That would be hurtful, what your DB thinks is neither here nor there. You are determined not to listen to any point of view other than your own.

I own a holiday let, and manage others for friends, and wouldn't be happy with 4 people in one bedroom, let alone one bed. Now and again for an ill child or after a nightmare, ok, but not for the whole stay. I'd also assume that one parent would swap beds with the ill child in that circumstance

If everyone did that in every bedroom you'd have double the expected occupancy - imagine the extra utilities used, and wear and tear on the property and contents!

OP, you think you shouldn't have to pay more, lots of other people agree with you and there are some good suggestions as to how to respond to your brother. Are you going to do anything about it now?

I can totally see how huge family rifts happen now !
OP I can see your DBS logic I can also see yours. If it were me I'd send a nicely worded email to all siblings saying that you thought it would be split equally and would it work if everyone paid £250 as family gifts always split equally before.

Maybe tell him that due to the high cost, your DCs won't be coming. I can see that a large party wouldn't necessarily have the choice of a house with precisely the right number of adult beds.

I appreciate the logic that two extra bodies = twice the price for accommodation only, but it is tight on the part of the brother. What do your other siblings think OP?

Who would look after the DC if you didn't take them?

I think your second last post explains your position really well. It's not a family holiday where you happen to be treating the parents, the whole trip is a gift to the parents and none of you would be going otherwise.
Regardless of occupancy, if this is the only house that can accommodate all the adults the cost should be divided between the adults only.
I'm very surprised that this was booked without consultation, and given the usual arrangements for the Christmas gift, I don't blame you for.being pissed off that last year's could cost you twice as much as everyone else.

Yes but that's where all the "families" have kids! Otherwise they are couples.