To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

after reading the thread im still confused why you haven't asked him outright why he expects you DCs to pay the same price as an adult and why the gift isn't being split between only you and your siblings. you seem to have skirted around the issue when you last called him but didn't ask outright.

also think the fact he has more money than you and gives your DCs cheap gifts is neither here nor there - makes you seem a bit me, me, me.

As an aside, why, if you're struggling with money are you agreeing to pay£200 each year towards a gift for your parents? (I thought this was a one off special present but it's a yearly occurrence from your previous post). I'd be mortified if my children were buying me an £800 present each year, regardless of their income, but especially if they were far from well off.

It is normal, and the majority agree, that holiday rentals are spilit per family not per person

I think it's fairly evenly split on who thinks it's per family and who thinks it's per room.

If you had to pay OP, id do separate gifts in the future. And if going away is suggested again - tell people your not sure and you will need to know full costs first

The brothers seems to think he has a blank cheque

I budget each year for the £200 gift. My parents have done a lot for us and help us with our children so I don't mind paying the £200. If we had to pay for childcare for the times they help us out it would cost a lot more than £200

YANBU. Because the price of the let doesn't depend on the number of people and there should be some consideration that you have kids and therefore less money.

I agree it is blurred by being a gift from siblings plus something that they will all be using, more of it bing allocated to OP than the others.

Was an original price agreed on, and has the extra room pushed that up at all?

Costa if the party are within the maximum occupancy specified for the holiday let, how on earth would you know or control who slept in which bed?

Holiday let owners / managers have no say over who sleeps in which bed (as long as the bed is not damaged at the end!) as long as there are not more people in the party in total than allowed. If you let out a 4 bed, sleeps 8 house to 8 people and 3 individuals have a double bed to themselves and the other 5 (tiny people or slim couple and 3 young kids...) all pile into one bed it's none of your business (as long as nothing is damaged).

I think its very tight of him and wonder if other siblings would feel the same. If he had had to get a bigger house because of your kids coming then yes id say you put in maybe an extra fifty to cover. But he didn't, he had to get that house to cover all the adults, not the kids. Any extra rooms would just be a bonus.

I would email all your siblings making it clear you will be pay a quarter. No more and that paying extra and installments is not an option. I would add a quarter share to food bill (split between you all equally again), regardless of your bros expensive choices just to hammer the point that you could be petty like him and charge him more for expensive stuff but unlike him you arent and bring the dcs their own.

No, I can't control who uses which beds, but I do expect a modicum of common sense and for the properties to be treated with a bit of respect as someone else's holiday home

Um on key handover.

We've rented two this summer.

Just got back from renting an apartment in Amsterdam. Wouldn't have dared to rock up as a family of 5 in an apartment advertised as sleeps 4. Pretty sure the owner during hand over would have had something to say.

What have you decided to do about it OP?

What do your other siblings think?

Ah but you'd be surprised lily at the people who rock up as a 4, but leave two hiding round the corner with blow up mattresses - happens all the time. One of the reasons we have maids going in mid week

The house sleeps 12
There will be 10 adults and my 2 DCs
The house is the only one that can cater for 10 adults so it would have been booked even if my DCs were not there

It's a great idea to copy email to all siblings with the fact that as the agreement was to split this gift between you then you will pay the same percentage as everyone else of as that is fair and then quietly work out the food you will need to take

we are not trying to sneak extra people in to the house - that's not relevant

The crux of the matter here is, the op usually pays £200 for dp's Xmas present. This year it happened to be a villa.
Had she known it was going to cost her £400 she wouldn't have agreed.

Unfortunately this should have been ironed out as soon as you realised. Now you've agreed to instalments etc it makes it harder to sort out.

I'd just send an email to all of them appealing to their better nature, saying that had you known it was a £400 Xmas gift you would never have agreed.

That's appalling liquorice and I'm afraid anyone illegally over occupying any property here would quickly find themselves out on the street

My parents save us a huge amount every year minding my children on the holidays etc - so the £200 is just a way of saying thank you for all their work and for saving us so much in childcare costs.

I not really sure why you are posting OP. You clearly think you are right and you don't seem to be listening to any alternative opinions or are willing to discuss it with your brother.

I also think that if your parents are helping you with childcare they would have saved you far more than £400.

Are you going to challenge you db op
Are you afraid of what he will say, is he the kind of brother that will,play up, make things difficult, create an atmosphere or something g like that
If so can you enrol the other siblings on your case first?