To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

Its a gift between 4 adults
the 4 adults all pay an equal amount

YANBU if the rental is £1000 - you all pay £250 each

YABU. You should be paying More, you have children the others don't. Them earning more than you is irrelevant.

Send an email to all siblings saying you are paying 25% as usual and no more. He's s tightwad.

But what are you going to do about food and drink?

I've read the whole thread now, and although I stick by my previous post that yanbu, yabvu to keep banging on about your children being expected to pay for themselves Your DB is expecting 'you' to pay for your DC (so stop all the silly talk).

You should not talk to your brother about not being able to afford to pay more than 25%. That is not the point here.

The point is that there are four siblings and each should pay 25%. End of. Tell him that is all you will pay. Your children are not siblings.

The whole house, including the room designated for your children, costs what it costs. The room can't be sawn off the house, or rented out to someone else. You are all stuck with it. The four siblings have to suck up the whole house cost, divided equally between you. You can all put your bags there if you wish, or your wellies.

Foodwise, everyone needs to pay 25% too.

*Never agree to a trip like this again unless you are the one making the arrangements.

'RonaldMcDonald Sun 16-Aug-15 00:41:38
Op
I think you are adding things together which don't go together and are muddying the waters.
How your brother treats your children normally has nothing to do with this
How much your brother earns has nothing to do with this
How your in laws behave v your family has nothing to do with this
If you are hurt by how your family generally behave keep that separately and address it at another time.'

And THIS^^

Can you not both compromise?

'Hi Siblings, I wasn't really budgeting for a £400 bill and can't afford it. Can I suggest that we split the bill £280 for us and £240 for all you guys? Our kids will probably end up in our room, but fully accept that our children will have the smallest box/bunk room so you guys can have first pick of the bedrooms!

I find this utterly bizarre. Isn't it bloody obvious what the OP should pay?
Her and DH room - yes
Her DC room - yes. Lottie had it right in first couple of pages. Home owner would not expect a 6yo to bunk in with parents and insurance wouldn't cover it. Not to mention rooms are likely to be very poky.
Her parents room - the same proportion as her siblings (so 4 siblings = 25% each).

For the life of me I don't understand why this is a difficult concept. It may not be what OP or her DB want but it is the reality of the situation.

Bov - but her kids will be in with her.

If op's had 2 bedrooms they would need to be next to each other

It may be a gift between 4 adults but the gift is more expensive due to one quarter having 4 people instead of 2. Squashing 10 into a house meant for 8 insn't fun for anybody. The numbers in a party always have to be considered when booking,not everybody will want to scrimp to squash into a house meant for smaller numbers even if a minority do.

There will be less bathrooms,less seats in the lounge,less seats at the dining table and the fall out of 4 squashing into a room meant for 2 won't be fun for anybody.4 of you squashed into 1 bed- seriously. Would the owners even permit this under fire regs?

We have 3 children and are the poorest but I'd always expect to pay more.We divide the sum by how many people are going as a whole then times it by how many in each family.

Lots of hotels/B&B's/houses allow extra people, especially kids. We have never hard a problem when we've asked.

Lily The OP has already explained several times that this is the only cottage in the area that suits the family's needs and whether the children go or not they still would have had to book this cottage. The cottage is larger than their needs.

I agree, you should pay for the extra room, but the cost of the room for DM should be split equally between the families. Holiday lets are based on two adults plus at the most an under-two in a travel cot sharing one room.

I don't understand why you aren't just splitting the cost of the whole cottage in half (your brother, you). There is much more to a cottage than just bedrooms.

The OP needs to get over the thought that her brother is mean over this particular arrangement as about half of the posters on this thread think his proposal is fair enough.

The charging the DC for the share of the GP's present seems like an error. At the start of the thread OP hadn't noticed it was factored in to the cost of the DC room and there's a good chance DB hadn't too. Having a bill of £1k and 5 rooms to split it between he was probably relieved it was a seemingly straightforward sum. Objecting over double paying for the parents is totally fair enough but only saves a very small amount and creates such complication I don't think I'd bother.

The plan to refuse to pay for DCs food and take everything with you for them seems a really petty one. Do you know there will be room in the fridge - is there really going to be adult bread and DC bread etc? My DC would have been seriously unimpressed of adults were having something nice and they couldn't have a bit. Worst of all such visible petty squabbling is hardly going to make for a good holiday for the grandparents.

It's not too big for their needs,chairs elsewhere are based on bed numbers,ditto often bathrooms. Why should everybody else put up with cranky children getting poor sleep having been squashed into a bed for 2. That is presuming said bed can even fit 4. Double beds vary- a lot.

I agree the parents room should be split 3 ways though.

Holiday lets are not based on 2 adults per bedroom and at most an under 2 in a cot at all. That is just not true.

Loads of 1 bed holiday lets come up as "sleeps 4" or 2 beds as "sleeps 6 (or even 7) because they have a sofa bed in the living room (and potentially bunk beds and a single in the "children's" room.

We have 3 kids (all long past cot age) and often holiday in a 2 bed - there is often a room with 3 beds or (less optimal) the 2 bed is sleeps 6 because the living room is also a sleeping space with a day bed or pull out sofa bed. If you don't want anyone sleeping in the living room you have to read the description properly to check there are sufficient beds in bedrooms, rather than the living room.

I agree with ptolemy midnite and wayne

Your brother's income, lack of interest, lack of presents - irrelevant

Your perfect in laws - irrelevant

Your parent's room Christmas gift - divide by 4

You have 2 children, your choice, you have to pay something towards them, that's just normal

And yes, stop wittering about your brother expecting a toddler to pay, and if it makes you feel better, put your husband and children's names on the Christmas card next time. My siblings and I often buy joint presents for big birthdays etc, and all names go on the card, spouses, partners, whatever, why wouldn't you? Thank goodness none of us has any children to whinge about

Incidentally, years ago, my brother in law (husband's brother) wanted a big anniversary present to his parents to be from 'just the family' ie 3 brothers, not to include me, his brother's wife - or even his own wife and baby son - obviously we weren't considered family!! So rude and offensive, 25 odd years later I'm still gobsmacked at this

Sooooo has this cottage got a sofa bed in the lounge and thus the right number of chairs,cutlery,plates,toilets etc to accommodate the stated numbers?What is this cottage advertised as - a 10 sleeper or an 8?

And yes sounds like it's going to be a shit weekend,poor grandparents.

It really seems to be that the error in splitting the parents' room was innocent enough. The OP hadn't even spotted it until someone pointed it out. So that should be raised for sure and as soon as possible.
I'm really surprised at people finding holiday lets where 6 year olds aren't counted as occupants for insurance. We have a leg in France though so it might be different, but a 6 yo would be counted towards the maximum capacity regardless of where he or she slept. Fine to sleep in parents' bed obviously but that will mean an empty bed somewhere that's been paid for.
If the other siblings want to pay for the children's room then my view is that would be a gift from them. On this occasion (and most of the time it sounds like) they don't want to make a gift. I don't understand why food would be split 25% each either though per head probably wouldn't work either as the 2yo won't drink much wine. For food I think find a happy life ground. Then no more big family holidays.

OP in future be very clear what your budget for a joint present is - be clear before anything is booked or purchased that you can contribute up to a maximum of x amount, and no matter what the arrangements are you will not be able to contribute more.

As this is not a joint family holiday but a gift to your parents and you have been emotionally blackmailed into attending and bringing your kids along,it is appropriate that you pay 25%, the same as your siblings. Offering to leave the kids with the other set of grandparents is fair enough.

I opted out of these joint presents a long time ago - they are always based on the budget of those siblings who have either higher income or less outgoings (or both... and ironically are also constantly subbed by the very parents the gift is for day to day due to living in their pockets) but mentioning your budget constrains when some ridiculously expensive novelty present is suggested is considered in bad taste...

Maryz I agree that is usual (I'm finding the bonus kids bed in this room very helpful for spreading out bikinis right now) but it will be counted for occupancy and it sounds like this cottage hasn't included that option for space reasons or whatever.

I know lots say sleeps 4 when there is one bedroom and a sofa bed in the living room, but there has been no mention of that, or of there being extra beds in any of the bedrooms. In the actual bedrooms it is normal for them to sleep two plus a travel cot.

You need to pay for the children because holiday homes are rents out on the number of occupants not who sleeps where. You'd not be able to rent a one bed for a family of 4 that sleeps 2 just because you'll only use one bedroom. It doesn't work like that.

However YANBU to expect the cost of your parents room to be split by the adults only.