Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 16/08/2015 00:49

That came out harsher than I mentioned, but YSWIM

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2015 01:08

This is why I never go away with friends that have children.

SabrinnaInUtopia · 16/08/2015 01:11

Your life must be joyous, boney. Children, blah.

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2015 01:16

SabrinnaInUtopia

You are reading far to much in to one sentence.

I never go away with friends that have children because there are always arguments about who should pay for what, who sleeps in what room and who should pay for that room. Nothing to do with the children as such.

As an example

If you are single, and going away with a couple no kids and a couple with 1 child, In a 3 bed house should the single sleep in the same room as the child? And should they pay for the whole cost of the room?

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2015 01:17

SabrinnaInUtopia

As another quick thought

You don't need children to be "joyous"

SabrinnaInUtopia · 16/08/2015 01:21

Excluding friends because they have children is ridiculous, but your loss. It is, however, also not the point of the OP.

The OP agreed with her siblings on a present for the parents - the cost was agreed to be split between them equally. The cottage was chosen, not for the number of rooms, or to accommodate OP's dc - but because it was where they wanted to stay. Therefore should be split per family, as was agreed.

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2015 01:29

SabrinnaInUtopia
"Excluding friends because they have children is ridiculous, but your loss."

Not to labour the point, but what am I losing out on?
I see friends and their children all the time, evenings, weekends, various functions etc.

I don't go on holiday with them for the reason stated.

You really are reading to much in to it.

SabrinnaInUtopia · 16/08/2015 01:34

It's not the point of the thread though is it - OP was actually happy not bring the dc, but has already been persuaded by her DB to bring her dc because the grandparents will want them there.

ShelaghTurner · 16/08/2015 02:13

I'm completely confused and have a headache now. I don't know who's right or wrong but I know one thing. If the OP doesn't stop saying that her toddler will be paying for a share then I might scream! No one is expecting your toddler to pay so stop using daft emotive language!

LittleBearPad · 16/08/2015 02:19

You should have agreed a very clear budget from the get-go with DB. It's completely reasonable for him to assume your DC would have their own room. The method of divvying up the cost is a little out of whack but you should be paying more than the other couples.

nooka · 16/08/2015 02:40

Presumably all four siblings decided that their joint present to their parents would be a weekend away for all the family. That includes the grandchildren as the grandparents would want them to be there. Nothing to do with one brother, and everything to do with the grandparents.

So then the db does the leg work and finds a suitable house with space for 12 people. Because there are twelve in the family. I don't know quite why it should be expected that he would know that the OP likes to sleep four in a bed, as that's not a particularly normal arrangement, six rooms for 12 people is what I would book in similar circumstances.

The time to talk about cost was surely way back before Christmas? Or at the very least before the house was booked, but I would have expected the booking brother to ask his siblings how much was a reasonable amount to pay so that he knew what sort of budget to play with. That would have been the time that the OP could have set out her expectations that essentially her siblings should subsidize the additional cost of her children. I'm not saying that is necessarily an unreasonable expectation, but it is an assumption, and it would be up to the siblings to decide if that was OK with them.

I agree the way the proposed split works isn't quite right, the fairest option with a by room arrangement would be to split the costs into six, and then the couples pay 1/6th plus 1/4 of the parents share and the OP's family to pay 2/6th plus 1/4 of the parents share.

longtimelurker101 · 16/08/2015 03:17

The fairest option is to split it by 4. The children coming is part of the weekend for the GPs and therefore should be taken on by everyone. Making someone pay adults prices for children coming is simply daft and really tight. Send the email OP: " this was discussed as being split 4 ways as we would cover the parents costs, not split by rooms hired."

I'd even go as far as to say, if not we will pull out and the entire cost can be 3 ways. Don't get guilt tripped into paying.

We used to go places with a family that would count the number of drinks had by DCs when splitting bills: "Oh but your dd1 had two cokes so you owe 90p more." We soon stopped going and not cause we were unthinking about costs.

On the other hand we also stopped going out with a group who had couples in it that would order bottles of wine and firmly keep them between them, order starter dishes as sides when everyone else just had main courses and then divvy up the bill into equal 4s.

You got to apply logic when spending in groups, what your DB is proposing is unfair.

nailsathome · 16/08/2015 03:24

Initially I thought YABU - if I were booking a holiday rental I would expect to pay extra for my kids.

However, if you look at the whole rental as being the gift, I can see why you would expect to pay 25% regardless of whether or not your children are going. If you had bought them a new TV from the siblings, you'd have paid 25% each even though your DCs would likely have use from it.

It's a difficult one and should have been discussed in more depth at the outset. You need to talk to you DB.

PegsPigs · 16/08/2015 03:31

The way it was first presented YWBU as I would have split it per room and wouldn't have thought a 6 year old and 2 year old wouldn't have been sharing a room rather than your bed. Although yes your Db should have checked.

However, if it's a gift to your parents then yes a 25% share seems fair split between the 4 siblings rather than by room if it were a holiday in the normal sense. So after RTFT YANBU.

PegsPigs · 16/08/2015 03:32

Spooky nails! Clearly we have the same 3am logic!

nailsathome · 16/08/2015 05:11

Grin Peps, great minds.

YeOldeTrout · 16/08/2015 06:02

YADNBU. I hope you work it out.
I think I'd be tempted to play some almighty passive aggressive shit on back of this (not my finest hour).

Hellionandfriends · 16/08/2015 06:10

Text back 'no, we only need to pay once as all the kids will be in our room'

Hellionandfriends · 16/08/2015 06:25

I have 6 siblings. We have had lots of family dos with a mix of married and a small/large families. We never assume what each person needs when booking. We always ask them how many rooms they need to accommodate.

When we were a family of 4 we would all bunk in together. Baby in our bed. Toddler on the floor. Now we are a family of 6, we take two rooms. While my sister did Gian ford and has always had a separate room when we go away.

I think your problem is that they are not family orientated and have no understanding.

WayneRooneysHair · 16/08/2015 06:29

Your children are not being asked to pay OP, you are being asked to pay for them, you chose to have them so why should you pay the same as everyone else? Your brothers income is nothing to do with you or even this topic and mentioning it does make you seem bitter and grabby. How was your brother to know that's you didn't need another room unless you told him prior to him booking the property?

Hellionandfriends · 16/08/2015 06:30

And I agree it was a gift from the 4 so needs to be split 1/4's

So text/email 'hi x. I'm paying a 1/4 (200) as the break was a gift from us four children. Also I've already mentioned that we only need one room.

patienceisvirtuous · 16/08/2015 06:31

I am not buying the whole 'he is childfree and therefore clueless'.

OP you are nbu!

I am childless. We regularly holiday with my parents and my DB, DSIL and two nieces (who are teenagers).

We earn a bit (not loads) more than DB et al. We always split hol costs three ways if we're sharing accommodation. We also split food costs three ways, even when going out in restaurants...

Why? Because they're our family and we all share and help each other.

I think your DB is being mean.

Hellionandfriends · 16/08/2015 06:32

Our brother should have asked if you needed one or two rooms. He shouldn't have assumed such small children would need a room.

Hellionandfriends · 16/08/2015 06:34

Pati. I think you must be family orientated and thoughtful

sashh · 16/08/2015 06:40

Can you even book a place for 12 people if the house sleeps 10? I know hotels have rules that if you book a double then children over a certain age cannot share with you, you have to book a family room.

Forget about the number of rooms and who is using them. Just tell him this is a gift from 4 people therefore the cost is 25% each.

Partners / children / dogs / teadybears/ favorite rubber duck etc that come with each sibling do not pay. Work out what a 25% share is and pay him that.

That's what £250ish?

If he argues that the cost is per room then say you will pay for the room you are using and 25% towards your parents room.

If he still insists suggest you leave the children behind, or as a special treat say they are going to sleep with their grandparents so he needs to get the money of your parents.