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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit disapointed - Ring related

165 replies

Greenkit · 15/08/2015 14:04

Ok so my snooping has brought up something which has disappointed me and it's my own fault I guess.

It was our 20th Wedding Anniversary this week and as its either china or platinum I bought DH a platinum disk of the album which contains our song. He presented me with a beautiful platinum eternity ring. We also went away for the week and had a lovely time.

While we were away we spoke about our presents and I said how lovely the ring was and how expensive it probably was, as I had looked at platinum rings for him but in the end settled on the disc, which still cost ?100. (I didn?t tell him the price).

Anyway, I know where he bought the ring from and today I had a look on the website, it was ?119, which isn?t the disappointing bit as price just doesn?t matter. But it?s a white gold ring, not platinum, which he kind of led me to believe, even if he didn?t say the words.

So AIBU to be a tidy bit disappointed, even though I love the ring?

OP posts:

silveroldie2 · 15/08/2015 17:42

Well it's obvious you will have to LTB. A tad OTT? Well of course but so is your absurd disappointment. 20 years is NOT platinum despite what marketing peeps may want and let's face it OP your gift to DH was hardly exciting was it.

BlankSpaceBaby7 · 15/08/2015 17:45

Jesus fucking christ I'd love to have your problems

^ this

BalloonSlayer · 15/08/2015 17:54

Some people think Platinum and white gold are the same thing.

I have PMed you, OP, to give more details of how I know this (didn't want to risk outing self on thread).

Funinthesun15 · 15/08/2015 17:57

What a load of jealous people

Nope certainly not jealous in the slightest...

Bakeoffcake · 15/08/2015 18:08

You've said yourself "now whether he didn't realise it was white gold or not, I have no way of knowing"

What the fuck are you moaning getting upset about?

Bakeoffcake · 15/08/2015 18:10

And it was our 25th anniversary last year, DH took me on a two week holiday, not a bloody piece of silver jewellery insight

Spartans · 15/08/2015 18:50

Not jealous here! I have a platinum ring

The Op has said herself that he probably didn't realise and also that he probably felt a bit shocked and backed into a corner when she started banging on about how platinum is so expensive.

The dh has lied or pretended anything. All he is, possibly, guilty of is not owning up when was blathering about him buying a platinum ring. Even then he may not have known there's a difference.

Given her reaction, I can see why he didn't tell her (again assuming he has a clue).

Also, in the UK 20 years is not platinum. So I can't imagine his intention was ever to get her a platinum ring. The OP opened the ring and assumed it was platinum. He never said it was.

Hipotle · 15/08/2015 18:52

DrinkFeckArseGirls - of course no-one is saying that people can't be allowed to complain about anything just because there is always someone worse off, but I do think it's actually reasonable to bear in mind the fact that many millions of people the world over live in dire poverty when a complaint revolves around something materialistic. And that doesn't mean we shouldn't have or want lovely things, or that we should be martyrs, just that a bit of perspective and bigger picture is worth considering.

Bubblesinthesummer · 15/08/2015 18:54

The OP opened the ring and assumed it was platinum. He never said it was

^ this

Redglitter · 15/08/2015 19:08

OPS husband should take the damn ring back and buy her a mug and plate since China is actually 20th and save the platinum for another 40 years time when she might be more grateful

How can platinum possibly come before silver and gold anyway

Earlybird · 15/08/2015 19:14

He's tried to do something lovely and thoughtful - and your sleuthing has ruined the gesture and spoilt your own pleasure.

You haven't allowed him to feel happy that he's done something special for his dw, and you've sabotaged your own happiness at receiving the gift.

You've now created an atmosphere between the two of you, instead of being able to celebrate 20 years together. He'll pick up on your feelings, and you'll never be happy wearing that ring.

bettyberry · 15/08/2015 19:16

At least you got a ring. When My ex asked me to marry him he didn't even give me one! Thats why he is an ex. Not entirely but a big reason. Where was the ring damn it?. Oh god I sound bratty now.

bettyberry · 15/08/2015 19:24

on a different note OH bought me a piece of jewellery for my birthday. My sleuthing turned up how much he had paid for it and I've hardly worn it since because of the thought of wearing hundreds of pounds so brazenly.

I'm a bit weird with expensive things and conspicuous displays of wealth. Not that it was in the league of Mr Ts neckware ;)

looking things up clearly doesn't pay! damn you google ;)

LuluJakey1 · 15/08/2015 19:30

The OP created this whole situation herself.

She decided she was going to be American as far as wedding anniversaries go- probably because she wanted a bit of platinum jewellery.
She got an eternity ring.
She said it was platinum- not her DH1 and was pleased he'd spent that much money on her because it told her he 'values' her snobbery
She snooped looking to see what it cost -probably so she could them brag.
She is disappointed and feels he has deceived her and she is 'second rate'

When SilverFairy commented she would be happy if she and her DH celebrtae their 10th wedding anniversary as her DH has a lifelimiting condition, the OP said she 'could not see how that was relevant' to her situation.
The OP then said she thought SilverFairy and she were both having a difficult time.

I don't think I have ever been as shocked on mnet by an OPs self-obsession and lack of tact.

If she is miserable, upset, feels badly done to or whatever, it is her own behaviour she needs to examine. She seems to be rather precious and think the world is all about her.

I pity her DH- especially if he has to put up with her until they actually reach their platinum wedding anniversary.

Runningupthathill82 · 15/08/2015 20:52

What Lulu said. Spot on.

Enjoyingthepeace · 15/08/2015 20:59

Brilliant post LuLu.

Quite honestly OP, you sound like a profoundly unpleasant person.

SouthWestmom · 15/08/2015 21:34

I disagree . We live in a really materialistic culture and it's very easy to get sucked into.
I also think we deal with what we have and you can't start rating people's problems otherwise no one gets to moan. My dad died when I was a kid so I want to ban everyone from posting about their dads' annoying habits.

TopazRocks · 15/08/2015 21:58

My suspicion is the husband wasn't really paying attention when OP was wittering on. Many husbands do this. It's not a LTB situation IMO. Possibly compounded by a slight vagueness about the difference between platinum and white gold, or at least the value. Enjoy your ring, OP.

YUDOTHIS · 15/08/2015 23:50

Silvernightfairy I'm so sorry to hear that, please pm me if you ever need someone to talk to

sugar21 · 16/08/2015 00:06

Jesus Mary mother of God I wish I could whinge about a sodding ring but ya know I had to sell my wedding and engagement rings when things were tougher. Still doesn't matter as I ltb. Can you not see how precious you're being

MadameJulienBaptiste · 16/08/2015 00:26

Whilst I am as as other posters at the op's attitude, I would like to say that without this thread, I would not have known about the queen sending congrats for 50 yr anniversaries.
My parents just had their 59th. If my dad makes it another year I will on that website to get them a card from the queen.
(Hope she is still around too.... wouldn't be the same getting a telegram from Charles and camila somehow....)

MadameJulienBaptiste · 16/08/2015 00:29

Gah, Queen sending congrats for 60 yrs not 50.

TowerRavenSeven · 16/08/2015 00:53

I sort of get where he was coming from. You told him platinum was too expensive, why? Why just not leave it as you got him his gift and not mention platinum was too expensive? If I were him I'd feel a bit awkward about you saying that and probably be wondering if I should tell you I didn't buy it either.

Dh's ring is platinum and he insisted on it since he is a metallurgist - very expensive, I would have wanted it as well but with the cost of his getting one, getting platinum for me was out of the question. I got white gold, which is shiny but does scuff up like platinum. My sil has platinum because my brother wanted something expensive for her when she really wanted shiny white gold. We had a good laugh at this.

Can you just mention it to him that you love your white gold ring to clear the air? If you truly do love it I think letting him know you know it's white gold will clear the air and let you go on to truly enjoy it. I don't think he was deliberately lying hoping you wouldn't find out. Sounds like you without meaning to put him in a hard position.

Ludways · 16/08/2015 01:29

20 years is china, I didn't realise I could just go with whatever country I fancied to suit what I wanted. I'm off to google which country lists "long haul holidays" for 11 years.

SiobhanSharpe · 16/08/2015 01:59

It's my 40th wedding anniversary soon. I do NOT want rubies, I want to be upgraded to diamonds ..(.An eternity ring would be wonderful) Fat chance, DH thinks they are ridiculously and deliberately overpriced and supply is tightly controlled to keep prices high. He is right, of course, but. Sigh.

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