To think a 7yo is too young to go out unsupervised? Please help!

[QueenMas]

Please help, I feel sick.

I have just found out that when DD is at her Dad's, he allows her to go to the park on her own with her friends. She only turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, going into year 3 in Sept.

Her father lives semi rurally, on an estate in a quiet village. There isn't much around apart from fields and a couple of shops. I live in Greater London, so a big difference.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with him allowing her to "play out"; although come to terms with it as the children play on the green directly outside their houses (which are in a semi circle), and they have floor to ceiling windows at the front of the house so can be watched at all times.

But now, I find out that she goes to the park without him. It's only around the corner, however it means crossing a road and of course she is completely out of sight while there. AIBU to think this is inappropriate for a (just turned!) 7yo?

I have tried to speak to him about it, he does not see the problem. He hates me so much, he takes anything I say as "causing trouble" rather than thinking of our DD's safety! He eventually "agreed" not to let her go, but I don't trust that for a second, he lies constantly. He is spiteful and would tell DD not to tell me. Only last week, I had to take DD to A&E after she fell off her bike, I thought she had broken something. I called and called, and text to tell him. He did not reply. Who doesn't reply when their child is being taken to hospital?! But he was annoyed with me so didn't care.

I've sent him a video to try and show him my concerns
although I doubt he will watch. As well as stranger danger, I worry about her crossing the road. About not being "briefed" correctly about what to do in an emergency. I feel that she is FAR too young to be out and about unsupervised, she was only 6 a couple of weeks ago fgs!

What can I do? Other than stopping contact, but is that reasonable? I feel this is neglecting my daughter

we're talking here about a 7 year old (just), not a 11+ year old. There's a huge difference

Huge difference between 7 year old and 11 YO! Huge!

You see op, your DH sounds bloody minded like some posters. This worries me most of all. If he accepted the risks and had thought them all out and said he felt it was OK I would be more reassured.

Its the people who will not accept that risks are there - because they were allowed to roam free and nothing happened.

That worries me.

I was allowed to roam free and when I think of the near misses I had, I could have easily been on front page news. Very, easily.

Nah - not at 7, its totally unnecessary someone way back said development and learning independence are multi layered.

Chucking kids out alone - into public spaces as young as 7, isn't doing anyone a favour. Parents like ME who are with their young DC are probably going to have to step into - arguments, when child falls and so on and do your parenting for you - like the un supervised kids at soft play.

I imagine those that leave their young dc in public spaces actually have no idea what other dc parents are doing for you.

I think you have an extreme - DM version of closeting parenting in your head, and you can't see past that.

I don't think anyone is in the 'minority' in not letting their 7yo child go alone to a park 2 miles away, no matter how many sad faces you put on.
I semi-rural estate park around the corner from your house isn't the same thing from walking 2 miles to a park alone at all.

The biggest risk to a child is probably its parents

Indeed this thread has certainly shown how many parents are willing to let dc go out un supervised at such a young age.

Well said! MintJulip

ego you know abuse is rife at boarding schools too, again the tip of the ice berg is coming out now, I know a few who were abused and knew of abuse at theirs.

I think to chuck dc into one and then leave them to their own devices is irresponsible parenting. Your lucky you came out ok many didnt.

The stigma of being abused is being lifted, people are finally being listened too, so much has come out and so much more will. Its scary.

I think BS has its place and I am not knocking them, however if mt DC were in one, I would certainly be keeping tabs on it all.

I often say to my eldest please fo to the park, walk in a circle and come back. It helps to chill her out and means she is seperate from the rest of family to get a bit of space. You know your own child, and even with dc having special needs I have no fears of her going anywhere. Everyone bases their experiences on their own child I suppose.

Sorry that is go the fo looks like fuck off! That would be bad.

What Mint says is right.
Its parents like me who have to rescue lone stuck kids off climbing frames,and sort them out when they fall over/get stung/are picked on by bigger kids/hungry.
There's loads of opportunities to learn independence and resilience and self reliance when they're that little bit older.
Until then,it seems to me that there's not so much self reliance in a lot of cases -more reliance on older kids and others parents.

There is very rarely parents in our park. It is only a little park and green. It all depends on the park and areas differ.

ThatBloodyWoman - yep, too true. We supervise the 'unsupervised'...

Why if they were hungry or fell off something would they not go home just like we used to?

11 years your still in primary... How many more times do I need to say that.

In England you're also 11 years old when you start senior school...

So if you lived in England, where children do start secondary at 11, would you still walk them to school and not let them go out with their friends until they were 13?

Being fair -my dd will barely be 11 when she goes to secondary.
So at 10 she's needed to become more independent in preparation.

My dd won't be walking to school.
We are along lanes with no footpaths.
She gets school transport.

I would have thought most kids who are ruled with a fist of iron and not allowed to the shops alone, until they're 13 years old would move out at 16. Even if that meant sofa surfing at their mate's houses.

Yes but in Scotland walking to school with an 11 year old wouldn't be uncommon, especially as its still primary.
I can be happy knowing my child is always looked after, I'm happy with that.
People want to let their kids out and not know where they are well its sad but their choice.

Well then worra you are delusional if you think that.