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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: visitors

362 replies

TopsyRose · 11/08/2015 22:53

Hi,

I know everyone says it, but I am prepared to be told IABU and that I'm being a miserable bitch...

My husband and I have recently relocated 120 miles from where we were living with our 3mo DS. We moved back to where I am from as I suffered with post natal depression (I needed my Family and Friends around me I think - I was very lonely) and also to further our careers.

My PIL want to come and see the baby, I would never ever stop them doing this, but they are insisting on coming at the most inconvenient time. They asked me when was best, I said "any time, any week, apart from Fridays and Saturdays" as my husband does a 15 hour shift on both of these days. They then went on to book a Friday and Saturday at a hotel.

They are saying the hotel is cheaper on these days, but I have looked online and this is not the case. They are not limited to come on just these days as they are both retired.

My husband asked them why they had done this as it is not any cheaper, she said that she should be able to come when she wants, and it is me trying to prevent her from seeing her Son and Grandson, and it is me that causing problems. She also cried down the phone, which obviously guilt tripped my husband.

Maybe IABU but I feel that she has booked it for this time so they see me alone with the baby. When this happens my MIL makes spiteful comments to me, which then causes problems with my husband and I. I feel it is too much for me to deal with.

Sorry this is so long, but if you are still reading AIBU to say "'no, I cannot see you on those dates" and insist if they come, they come on a day my husband is doing a shorter shift, or is off, so he can be with me for moral support?

Thanks

Topsy xx

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/08/2015 08:37

AuntieDee I think it's the upcoming BH weekend that this is all happening correct me if I'm wrong but that's what I think I remember from earlier upthread

TheExMotherInLaw · 24/08/2015 11:02

YANBU
Your MIL is behaving dreadfully. I did my best to work to my son's ex's needs and to try to build a relationship with them, and to not upset my son by being a mil from hell. That's how it's supposed to work.

Your DH needs to learn to protect you, and unlearn the ingrained reaction to placate his awful, controlling mother.
Enjoy your weekend away, and stay resolute.

plopstar · 24/08/2015 12:23

This gives me the fury!!! You poor woman. If you are near Scotland come to us..you can have the house to yourself during the day and the festival is on - sod it, you can have my car to go and see the sights and I'll bus it to work! We'll even babysit at night and let you get to some shows. I need to go and lie down now as my hormones are making me livid at the moment at most things and this has pushed me over the edge! I am SO lucky with in laws but have seen friends struggle with similar issues to yours...I don't think I would cope. Stick to your guns..it will seem hard to do but better to draw your boundaries with force now than have things worsen in future

Sheezus · 24/08/2015 12:36

Unbelievable.
Having an unreasonable MIL myself, I feel for you OP.
DH has all but given up contact with her as there is no reasoning with her.
Of course this is my fault.
Even though I was the one who made the effort and constantly bit my tongue around her.

Let us know how it goes.

fuzzpig · 24/08/2015 12:43

Crikey. Stick to your guns.

Hygge · 24/08/2015 13:01

If I were you I'd stay with your Auntie on the Sunday as well.

temporarilyjerry · 24/08/2015 13:15

If I were you, I'd stay with Plopstar. Grin Grin

redshoeblueshoe · 24/08/2015 13:22

Maybe we'll have to set up safe havens all around so people can escape from Mils from hell.

chicaguapa · 24/08/2015 13:40

I'd have been tempted to rearrange the hotel booking for them and present it as a done deal. Grin

Save that one for next month when she pulls the same stunt again.

Good luck!

SeasideSunshine · 24/08/2015 13:48

Hope there's an update after the weekend. Stay strong OP. It will be difficult Sunday, but the sooner you establish your own house rules and make her realise she needs to follow them, the better. Otherwise she will walk all over you every single time.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 24/08/2015 15:08

Wow this thread is giving me deja vu! Have been there with the toxic mil who doesn't think they should need an appointment when I had pnd and a newborn. They ended up missing out on three months of dd1s life after we stood up to them. Their loss, they were cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Good Luck op.

Definitely ring the hotel though, if it turns out you can change their room, that avoids the confrontation and you can come out smelling of roses. If not, reiterate a number of times that you will not be there, go to your aunties and wait for the fireworks. You really need your dh to support you, though. Easier said than done when he has been under her thumb all his life unfortunately.

Fairenuff · 28/08/2015 11:43

Is it today that they are supposed to arriving at the hotel OP?

paulapompom · 29/08/2015 09:23

Op are you ok? Have you got away in time? X

Fizzielove · 29/08/2015 10:06

I think I'd let her come but secretly record everything. That way when she starts with the abuse towards you, you can then play back everything to DH and tell him you are not going to be on you own again with this woman because of what she's like when DH isn't there. So sorry that you are having to deal with this!

miaowroar · 29/08/2015 10:43

OP please do come back after the weekend and tell us how it went (shamelessly bookmarking this).

annatha · 29/08/2015 11:20

Hope the weekend is going ok op, stick to your plans and don't let her bully you.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/08/2015 11:42

Hope you're having a lovely time with your Aunty Topsy

CruCru · 29/08/2015 12:23

Jesus. Yes, me too.

Chelsielouise · 29/08/2015 12:28

I would stay home answer the door and shut it in her face she's so so rude.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 30/08/2015 14:33

Please update...

sykadelic · 30/08/2015 20:57

Hope it went okay OP!

Original poster
TopsyRose · 30/08/2015 21:06

Hello everyone!

Sorry I've been so slow to get back to you all. I majorly messed up. So although myself and the baby are currently having a lovely weekend with my Auntie... The PIL are coming next week Shock I think I got my dates muddled.

Both myself and my husband have spoken to PIL again to see if there is any way they can come in the week. MIL's exact words are that she can come whenever she wants and will not be dictated to by us.

I am unable to see my auntie again next week so have left it with them by saying that I cannot see them and haven't given a reason.

To make things even worse my dh is working the Friday, Saturday and also the Sunday next weekend so isn't available at all.

I can see it now, he will be busy in work, and it will be me left to deal with the phonecalls, tears and tantrums!

So I will keep you all posted for next week. Wish me luck! Xxx

OP posts:
queenrollo · 30/08/2015 21:10

oof.

Is there anyone else you can visit? Anyone who can come and stay with you for moral support?

Original poster
TopsyRose · 30/08/2015 21:15

I think I'll say that along with my usual plans of baby swimming, seeing my family etc that my girlfriends are coming over in the evening. And just hope for the best!

OP posts:
queenrollo · 30/08/2015 21:22

being really cynical here - are you sure you muddled the dates?

Given how she's behaved so far I wouldn't have put it past her to change the 'unchangeable hotel booking' to try and catch you out.

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