To think that if you're in a restaurant garden surrounded by children, you should try to swear less?

[BooChunky]

Yesterday was my mums birthday lunch, and I took my DD's (4 & 2) and we sat outside on an allocated table.

It was lovely weather here yesterday and there were loads of families with children around.

There was also one table of men around 40, and every second word was f*k or c*t. I'm not generally precious about swearing and have never brought it up as an issue if a friend or anyone has accidentally sworn in front of my children, and I'm sure I've done it myself and not even realised, but this was obscene. The conversation was so loud and raucous and everyone was looking over and a lot of parents were clearly not happy.

One woman with children of similar ages to mine asked if she could be moved inside and the waiter apologised but there wasn't a table large enough currently available.
She asked if perhaps the group could be spoken to, and the waiter said he couldn't do that. In fairness to him, he was quite young and I think in my waitressing days, I would've found them intimidating.

But AIBU to think that these people should have shown some respect for the families sitting nearby even if no one spoke to them? Just thinking about it now and it ruined my mums lunch really, as after finishing main courses my parents just wanted to go because they didn't think it was appropriate for the children.

(Or am i being precious?)

And if the police had intervened the group would probably have been spoken to and warned about their behaviour and only dealt with formally if they chose to continue to behaves like anti social idiots.

crispyjoyluck, that's entirely unfair to say. WTAF is with posters on this board? I've given about 5 examples of violent that I know of happened, either to strangers or colleagues or myself, and suggest caution (a route the OP took, and other people agreed with) and you accuse me of basically being a paranoid shut-in. Charming.

"tone it down please boys there's ladies present"

Did you really say that?! I'm for you.

The op mentions the group being loud and raucousness not in a good way, that could be alarming etc to young children.

Obviously you're not willing to accept my professional opinion based on the facts available.

Professional opinion accepted.

doffs cap

I think people being loud and raucous can seem intimidating.

I don't have a problem with swearing. Someone sitting near me and my children swearing wouldn't especially bother me. Shouting combined with an aggressive manner is unpleasant to be around.

I was on a train with DS and dd when some swearing teenagers got on. One spotted the dc and said something like 'oi - there are kids - stop fucking swearing'

There is a big difference between a group having a joking conversation with lots of swearing and giving off no air of menace and another group who do.

If I minded swearing in front of my children (I don't particularly, but I would hate other things being spoken of loudly) then I would speak to the former. I would not speak to the latter.

Surely everyone has met those groups who seem threatening, intimidating or exude menace. You may be completely wrong but it's still probably fairly sensible to act according to your judgement of the situation.

OP was there, she and her husband disliked the conversation, her mother felt that talking to the group would cause more aggro then it warranted. No one hear can tel if they misjudged the group or not only if the OP is correct in her assertion that in a pub garden you should watch your language.

I would say YABU op but I totally can understand how irritating it must have been.

Yanbu.

I'm not precious at all with the odd swear word - but I do object to consistent loud foul language when dc are around.

Twice in the past I've asked people to mind their language. Once was at my sisters prom when I had both dc with me and there were two lads around 13/14 f'in and blinding quite loudly. They both went beet red and scuttled off.

The second time was in a beer garden (but with plenty of kids around and at 1pm) and it was a group of about 10 men, sounding similar to the op and every other word being c**t.

I just asked politely if they could mind their language and to be fair, most of them looked pretty shamefaced and it did get much less/quieter.

I don't understand why you wouldn't just ask yourself tbh instead of approaching staff.

I think some of you sound rough as fuck if this ugly behaviour is normal to you. I hate having to sit listening to that crap, nothing to do with kids - especially in a more restaurant type enviroment that aims at families. Manager should habe been on it and second the tripadvisor review.

Grow up maybe

Y were NU to be bothered by this but Y were U not to have asked them not to swear.
I have no qualms at all about asking groups to tone down the swearing or vulgar talk and I've yet to have a bad reaction. It's not always completely stopped the swearing but it's reduced it to an ok level. It's the type of thing that once you have done it a few times you can do it without feeling nervous. I'm wouldn't do with any group - I suppose there must be some where it would be a bad idea.

I was surrounded by a big group of dodgy looking youths on the train the other day who seemed oblivious to me and were being pretty disgusting. I didn't do any PA shite and simply asked them if they could leave the talk until I had left. I wasn't rude or confrontational, I simply asked. They were fine about it and stopped apart from the odd sentence enhancer.

The land lord in our local pub doesn't allow loud swearing. He is ex army and 6'6 - everyone listens to him.

I think you are much, much more likely to get a bad reaction by giving dirty looks or making snide comments.

rubbish don't be on my account - I'm not. Clearly we are from a different generation. I'm an old gimmer and there are 'ladies' much older than me who frequent the gym in question and would not be impressed by this language. It was also said in a lighthearted rather than a confrontational way - some of these lads at the gym are big buggers

My next door neighbours often sit in their garden swearing their heads off when my 3 year old is playing in the garden it drives me mad!! My dh asked them to stop it once and was told to "fuck off in the house then"
It's been getting worse for a few years now, I swear, we all do, but I don't swear in front of kids or polite company. You turn it off when you need to but lots of people now just can't be arsed it's easier to just swear 24/7. And girls are just as bad as the boys it's become "normal" language. "yeah I went to the fucking shop to get some fucking fags......."

A bunch of blokes are being crass and common, and the OP is being decried by some people for not being assertive? Seems unfair. The yobs were in the wrong here, not her. They shouldn't need her to give them basic etiquette lessons.

I don't blame folk who feel intimidated and worried in situations like this. I somtimes say something and have intervened in several possibly dangerous situations but i would still feel uneasy and worried in this instance

There is thread after thread on here (the street harassement one the other day) where posters were queuing up to explain how it's not even unusual or unreasonable for women and girls to have had bad experiences with men, especially aggressive, loud men who often turn on women when their boorish behaviour is challenged or questioned, that women are taught to be quiet and non confrontational and often rightly and understandably just back off from such situations yada, yada. Now we are being told we are pathetic and unreasonable for not going all Xenia warrior like and sorting them out.

You're speaking common sense, scarlets, I think this is the wrong place for it.

I quite often yell 'Ladies present!' over the hedge at my neighbour. It's a cheery, non-confrontational way of letting him know I'm not enjoying his language, he thinks it's funny and I don't consider myself a failed feminist.

Bambambini I was following that thread with interest but the context is completely different.

Anyone who draws on fucking ridiculous discourse and rhetoric about not swearing because of upsetting the sensibilities of 'ladies', even in a joking way, isn't doing women any favours, simply reinforcing, albeit jokingly, that we need our delicate ears protected from profanities. Have a fucking word with ya'self.

Rubbishfeminist - i find in the real world (not Mn word where to utter the very word lady or ladies is met with disgust and derision) people still say things like that and expect a certain more polite standard of behaviour or language when ladies/ women/ girls/ children are present. I don't get the mn hard as nails attitude about it and font have a ptoblem with the word kadies. I dont give a shiny if it makes folk roll their eyes - ladies, ladies, fucking ladies. Anyone fancy a ladies night out?

It is tiresome to tolerate continual swearing... But arent pubs still adult environments.... If you want a child friendly environment surely a cafe is more appropriate?

Aware may sound like a dinosaur... But where otherwise can adults have adult convos?

You can have an adult conversation while still respecting others, no?

What's so adult and acceptable about a bunch of grown men talking loudly in a public place about the fucking cunts they have fucked, weyhey!

Sort of on the fence. I'm not saying children shouldn't go to the pub garden but i do think that places where adults can go to let off steam are getting less and less.
Some peoples friday nights are others sundays depending on when they work!
I don't blame the worker not saying anything, they're not paid enough! Plus their money is just as good as others.
I think it depends on how the group were acting. A Group can swear and be loud but not come across as intimidating.
Some can be threatening without swearing!
I think in a pub you take your chances.
I don't think people who swear are scum either how judgemental.
I swear definitely, not like in the op, but i am not scum. I try to modify my language around children out of respect but i know it's hard for people when they're drinking.

I certainly don't blame the op for not saying anything either!
I have stepped in a few times for people, simply asking them to stop shouting at people.
Recently on buses sticking up for a disabled person and a teenager.
These blokes both turned around and threatened to do me in and stab me.
Simply for asking them to stop yelling in the faces of these people in front of their kids.
I won't get involved now for people i don't know. The lAst one the police were called out.
You just don't know.
You can be reasonable but the others may not be!

expect a certain more polite standard of behaviour or language when ladies/ women/ girls/ children are present.

And therein lies the problem. There are two issues with what you say here. Firstly, why are you lumping grown-up adult women in with children? This is unbelievably patronising.
Secondly, why should there be a more polite standard when people with vaginas are present? My vagina and my ears aren't linked. My ears hearing someone say 'fucking cunt' doesn't make my vagina do weird things so why the hell would someone modify their behaviour because I happen to have a vagina?

Good God, as a woman I'm insulted to think men might consider the word 'fuck' too heinous for my pretty little ears to cope with