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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you're in a restaurant garden surrounded by children, you should try to swear less?

158 replies

BooChunky · 10/08/2015 13:37

Yesterday was my mums birthday lunch, and I took my DD's (4 & 2) and we sat outside on an allocated table.

It was lovely weather here yesterday and there were loads of families with children around.

There was also one table of men around 40, and every second word was f*k or c*t. I'm not generally precious about swearing and have never brought it up as an issue if a friend or anyone has accidentally sworn in front of my children, and I'm sure I've done it myself and not even realised, but this was obscene. The conversation was so loud and raucous and everyone was looking over and a lot of parents were clearly not happy.

One woman with children of similar ages to mine asked if she could be moved inside and the waiter apologised but there wasn't a table large enough currently available.
She asked if perhaps the group could be spoken to, and the waiter said he couldn't do that. In fairness to him, he was quite young and I think in my waitressing days, I would've found them intimidating.

But AIBU to think that these people should have shown some respect for the families sitting nearby even if no one spoke to them? Just thinking about it now and it ruined my mums lunch really, as after finishing main courses my parents just wanted to go because they didn't think it was appropriate for the children.

(Or am i being precious?)

OP posts:
averylongtimeago · 10/08/2015 14:45

Some years ago, DC were about 10, we were in exactly the same situation. Lunch time in the garden of a pub/restaurant in a "naice" sea side town clearly aimed at the family market - good kids menu etc. It was packed with families with young children and one table of men - every other word was fuck or cunt with vile graphic descriptions of their sexual behaviour. Lots of parents were looking at them, clearly uncomfortable. I asked the waitress if she could have a word - one look at them and "no".
So I did what others have suggested, I had a word, asked them politely to turn it down and was met with a torrent of shouted abuse. Not one other parent, male or female, backed me up.
I complained to the manager, who just shrugged, so we voted with our feet and ate else where.
So yes, I can understand the OP not wanting to confront them!

TenForward82 · 10/08/2015 14:45

Somebody earlier said that if you'd confronted them the worst thing they could have done is told you to fuck off.

Um, no. In this day and age, when people are stabbed over road rage incidents and the use of mobile phones in a classroom, they actually could have harrassed OP and / or caused her serious harm. Not saying they WOULD have, but they could have. I wouldn't want to take that risk, especially with my children there.

People who can't control their language in public and assume everyone wants to hear them mouth off are scumbags. No-one thinks you're cool, mate. I don't care if pubs are 'sweary' - you're in a public place (public house, it's in the name), so have some consideration for those around you.

HagOtheNorth · 10/08/2015 14:46

I hate pointless swearing, including all the foul language on MN.

maybebabybee · 10/08/2015 14:47

Frankly people who use daft words like 'sugar' and 'fudge' instead of actual swear words offend me.

But I don't moan about it. That's their prerogative, right?

storytopper · 10/08/2015 14:47

OP - go on Trip Advisor and write a review about what happened, including the fact that the management were not willing to deal with it.

People who like to sit and swear all through their lunch will know which restaurant to go to. Likewise, those who don't enjoy swearing, particularly around their children, will know which pub to avoid.

The management, if they value families as customers, will make an apology and take steps to ensure this doesn't happen in future. On the other hand, they might not care if they make more money from sweary drunks.

Inertia · 10/08/2015 14:48

It's not your responsibility to ensure that other customers behave appropriately, especially when they appear to be potentially aggressive.

The waiter should have asked his manager to deal with this - it's the manager's job.

Rubbishfeminist · 10/08/2015 14:50

TenForward

In this day and age, when people are stabbed over road rage incidents and the use of mobile phones in a classroom, they actually could have harrassed OP and / or caused her serious harm. Not saying they WOULD have, but they could have. I wouldn't want to take that risk, especially with my children there.

Wow, just wow.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 10/08/2015 14:54

maybe I find the twee swearing alternatives a bit silly too...

However its one thing to go ahead and say shit -(not sugar) when you stub your toe or realise you left your passport on the train, and another to just randomly scatter the word fuck through your conversation as a meaningless filler in the same way some people say "umm", or to refer to everyone as fucking cunts...

Doing it all at full volume is also just unnecessary - at least as annoying as loud parenting :o Why does anyone have to have conversations louder than is necessary to be heard by the person they are actually talking to, unless they are being obnoxious?

TenForward82 · 10/08/2015 14:55

I'm sorry, wow what?

mrschatty · 10/08/2015 14:56

In the last few years my friends (and myself and dh) have become/becoming parents. Years of never having to 'mind your language' is now being met with children starting to speak it's made us all more aware of our use of swear words etc and even when not on the company of our friends children if there are kids about dh and friends TRY to watch it. I agree with op it's uncalled for and unreasonable but I agree with pp I would have had a quiet word...

Andthenutlookedgood · 10/08/2015 14:56

Maybe - there are literally laws against this sort of behaviour, so yes people who are using offensive language should modify their behaviour when it is alarming or distressing others.

The majority of customers were having no negative impact on the group in question. This group were ruining the afternoon for the majority. If this group had done as the majority probably wished and removed just two or three words from their conversation it wouldn't have ruined anything for the group. Everybody could then have a nice time.

maybebabybee · 10/08/2015 14:58

There are no laws against swearing in public....

If there are that is bonkers!!!!

Inertia · 10/08/2015 14:58

The OP didn't say they were in a pub, she said a restaurant garden - and despite the ever-increasing pub / restaurant crossover, that does suggest an establishment marketed towards families as well as adults. There are pubs and restaurants which don't allow children - though to be fair there's no reason why other adults should have to listen to endless swearing either.

maybebabybee · 10/08/2015 14:59

Lord alive, to think I might get arrested the next time I say 'for fuck's sake' when I miss my train....

grovel · 10/08/2015 15:00

There was young lady from Bude
She danced on the stage in the nude
A young man at the front
Shouted "we want cunt"
Just like that, out loud - fucking rude!

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 10/08/2015 15:01

Some people live quite sheltered lives and I think it must come as a shock to learn that there are groups of people out there who would call you a fucking stupid fat cunt merely for looking at them sideways.

It's perfectly reasonable not to want to run the risk of that happening to you in front of your two small children.

Crispyjoyluck · 10/08/2015 15:02

I think perhaps there are people who assume the worst catastrophe possible when faced with having to complain about something. And if I got a torrent of abuse? On the occasions that's happened I turn it back on to them - "is that really how you behave? You kiss your kids with that mouth?" Etc. That said, if I was with family it simply wouldn't happen as they are all enormous rugby types and don't get much trouble. In fact I'm almost amused at what might happen in the same circumstances and then it escalating into my being called a "fat cunt."
#RedweddingGrin

TenForward82 · 10/08/2015 15:03

I'm wondering if Rubbishfeminist is part of that sheltered group, tonydanza, since my two recent examples of actual news stories seemed to shock her.

A woman I worked with was battered around the head for daring to beep her horn at someone about to reverse their car into her. Not everyone is lovely and rational.

Andthenutlookedgood · 10/08/2015 15:04

Maybe yes and there have been since 1986.......

maybebabybee · 10/08/2015 15:07

Can you provide evidence? A google has shown nothing.

sherazade · 10/08/2015 15:07

YANBU, op. I can understand why you wouldn't want to approach a table of swearing men. Why grown men would need to be told how to behave in a public restaurant with kids around is beyond me.

Andthenutlookedgood · 10/08/2015 15:07

'The offence is created by section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986. Section 5(1) provides:

"(1) A person is guilty of an offence if he:
(a) uses threatening [or abusive] words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour....."'

'Fuck' and 'cunt' comfortably count as abusive when repeatedly shouted in front of young children.

maybebabybee · 10/08/2015 15:09

That's not the same thing as using the word 'fuck' around children though, is it? That's referring to swearing at people, not around them.

As in, I'm not going to get arrested for saying 'oh for fuck's sake' about missing my train, but I might get arrested for calling someone a 'fucking cunt'.

milliemanzi · 10/08/2015 15:11

Ugh I think it's gross, it doesn't take much to look around you and temper your behaviour to fit the situation you're in. And I don't blame you for not confronting them, it sounds a bit intimidating tbh and when I've politely asked people to stop doing something in the past I.e playing music on their phone on the train or putting their feet on the seats, I've been sworn at etc, it makes you not want to bother next time.

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