To think that if you're in a restaurant garden surrounded by children, you should try to swear less?

[BooChunky]

Yesterday was my mums birthday lunch, and I took my DD's (4 & 2) and we sat outside on an allocated table.

It was lovely weather here yesterday and there were loads of families with children around.

There was also one table of men around 40, and every second word was f*k or c*t. I'm not generally precious about swearing and have never brought it up as an issue if a friend or anyone has accidentally sworn in front of my children, and I'm sure I've done it myself and not even realised, but this was obscene. The conversation was so loud and raucous and everyone was looking over and a lot of parents were clearly not happy.

One woman with children of similar ages to mine asked if she could be moved inside and the waiter apologised but there wasn't a table large enough currently available.
She asked if perhaps the group could be spoken to, and the waiter said he couldn't do that. In fairness to him, he was quite young and I think in my waitressing days, I would've found them intimidating.

But AIBU to think that these people should have shown some respect for the families sitting nearby even if no one spoke to them? Just thinking about it now and it ruined my mums lunch really, as after finishing main courses my parents just wanted to go because they didn't think it was appropriate for the children.

(Or am i being precious?)

Men/strangers - what difference does that make??? I'm just amazed you all went along with your mum's odd "don't upset them" attitude.

OP I really sympathise. I hate bad language. Apart from anything else I think it shows a real lack of imagination when every other word is swearing. To be honest I suspect that I might not have approached the group either. I recently asked a pleasant looking young man in his early 20s who had called at the door to sell me window glazing or similar not to call me "Darlin'". He replied, "F off, you fing b**ch". In my experience that kind of group can become louder and more aggressive if you remonstrate with them and I would not want to get into that kind of situation with small children around.

Well OP I am with you on this. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and intimidated approaching a large group of men who were swearing loudly. Because let's face it, at that time of day on a Sunday they would be fully aware that there were children and families around and they clearly didn't care at all.

If they'd have turned around and said, "Why don't you fuck off you stupid cow!" in front of everyone that would be mortifying and upsetting for everyone. I think that it should be the Manager's job to sort these things out to ensure that EVERYONE enjoys their time there, it shouldn't be up to other customers to sort it out. It's not even necessarily a case of stopping the swearing altogether, but keeping the volume down so it wasn't heard by the children.

YANBU for being annoyed but YABU for not having said something.

I was on a train to London last week a big group of drunk fellas on their way for a weekend were being extremely loud and crude (talking about women they'd shagged and vividly describing their anatomy ).

I approached then and explained that I has two DCs with me and that their language wasn't the best thing for them to hear. They apologised and kept it down from then on.

I think the key is to be nice and friendly rather than tearing a strip off then which is more likely to make them behave worse imo.

What on earth do you think they could do?

Umm..give a mouthful of abuse that upset people and kids? Get aggressive perhaps.

Apart from anything else I think it shows a real lack of imagination when every other word is swearing.

Why? I don't understand this article at all :S

Unless you're the type who uses very imaginative and unusual words all the time as opposed to more commonly used ones.

article? argument! stupid autocorrect.

I'd have politely asked them to tone it down. If they refused or got worse I'd have collared the manager and politely but firmly told them I expected them to do something about it. None of it even needs to be a big deal, just a quiet aside to someone.

I'd have ignored my mother spoken to them and asked them to stop sweating as there were kids around. If they'd given me grief is have complained to the restaurant manager about them. If they were ruining it then you saying something wasn't going to make it worse.

You could have spoken to the manager if the waiting staff weren't able to speak to them. If s/he wouldn't speak to them then you could cancel your order or say you would have stayed longer and spent more. If their behaviour effects the restaurant's business then something will be done(eventually!)

Some of you have a real problem grasping that some people would it find it hard to approach a table full of people drinking and swearing and ask them to pipe down. Even if they were upset by the behaviour. They would still find it too intimidating. Yes - even some men

I'm not one of them (although I wouldn't enjoy it), but I don't find it beyond the reaches of my imagination to understand that some people would not want to do that.

So maybe we could stop the faux-incredulity and constant 'Oh My God, you said nothing?!' comments?

We get it. You're amazing, you would have spoken up. Bully for you.

I wonder if the group of men were being deliberately loud and sweary and a bit goady. You said above that they laughed when the other table left because of their behaviour.

I wonder if they're pissed off that it's pretty much impossible to find a good beer garden nowadays that hasn't been taken over by precious little children who must not be sworn in front of. I wonder if they were being deliberately goady because of this.

Rubbishfeminist

Maybe what I mean is when every adjective or adverb or even verbs is the F word.

Eg "Yeah, we went on fing holiday, it was an fing long way and there was f all to do when we fing got there, so we thought "F it!" And Fed off home and here we f*ing are."

I have heard conversations like this and when you take out all the meaningless swearing there's actually very little content left, so apart from anything else it's very dull to listen to.

Well obviously they were a bit out of order generally, to be constantly and loudly swearing. However, the easiest thing if you're worried about your DC hearing adults swearing (when they've probably had a few drinks) is to not take your children to adult places.

Pubs are adult places. I really don't think you should be getting precious about your children hearing inappropriate language if you insist on taking them to an adult place for a meal. Personally I get fed up of kids running around and making a load of noise in pubs. We tend to avoid pubs where DC are encouraged. Perhaps you should avoid pubs with your DC too.

Even though this group were behaving in a completely unacceptable way, even though there is every reason to assume they knew it was unacceptable, even though other customers had made it clear they were unhappy about the behaviour, if the OP had asked them to tone it down they may have acquiesced. It doesn't seem certain they would.

I don't think anybody is wrong for being worried that such groups would likely have been verbally aggressive if challenged. It's not nice to be on the wrong end obnoxious behaviour from a group of people.

Personally I think 'fuck' and 'cunt' are totally unacceptable words to knowingly use in front of young children.

So, I'm unreasonable to go to a pub restaurant, with a garden and a children's menu, early afternoon, with well behaved children for a family members birthday lunch? My mum should perhaps have gone to McDonald's instead?

It's a family restaurant, much more than its a pub.

I don't think you were unreasonable for going there, no, but I do think it's unreasonable to expect people to modify their speech to avoid offending the parents of children they don't even know.

Racist or sexist language, fine, that would piss me off too. I don't think saying 'fuck' is the same thing. Personally.

I think the OP is getting a hard time.

In reality there are loads and loads of people who would feel intimidated in this situation and not approach a large group of loud sweary adults to ask them to change their behaviour.

There are also a lot of people who think this behaviour is fine in a pub environment apparently - even on this thread - and who would think anyone asking adults to stop swearing in the pub garden were pearl clutching and out of order...

Whether I'd say anything would depend on my mood I think... but I bet despite the fact the thread has attracted a lot of people who would either speak up or who think it's fine, I'd lay bets most people would not.

The pub garden at Sunday lunch time is not the same as the pub on Friday night ... families have been going to pubs for Sunday lunch for decades - its not a newly lost adult space. There are also plenty of adults who are intimidated by loud sweary groups and wouldn't go to the pub at 9pm on a Friday night but would go and sit in the garden on a Sunday lunch time and expect a different atmosphere at that time.

Do you have children? If you do, you would be totally happy about them hearing those words all through their lunch?

The reason people don't want to say anything is because as unpleasant as it is to have to listen to people swearing constantly, it would be even worse if the people in question suddenly turned the swearing and abuse on them.

People passive aggressively widening their eyes and saying "I just don't understand why you wouldn't say something!" This is why. In a situation like this you have to weigh up the likelihood of being abused yourself and the fact that dozens of other diners and the waiter all decided the risk of being sworn at was too great is a pretty good sign that this group was sufficiently intimidating.

I'm sure there will be loads of posters declaring that large groups of men scream at them that they are fat stupid cunts every day of the week and they just brush it off without a second thought. But for most people, that would be an extremely unpleasant and special-occasion-ruining incident and it's understandable that they tried to avoid it.

I was in a beer garden waiting for food when a group of early 20s guys from the building site opposite appeared and the same the language was awful. "Hey guys we have kids here please tone the language down". Apologies all round and when they did slip up someone in the group reminded them of the kids and we got sheepish apologies again. They just genuinely hadn't thought of it. If they had of objected I would have commented on how proud their parents would have been of them! Plus my famous 'die on the spot' Paddington stare usually never fails.

Small children often repeat what they hear and I don't think that many people would be happy to hear f or c from a small child.

It is a growing problem though, that there are fewer places left where adults can go and be child-free. Especially during the day. People used to avoid the public section of the pub when I was younger, usually because of the smoking and language.
They were behaving very badly, and probably from choice. But where could they have gone to have a drink, some food and a breather in the middle of the day with uncensored language?

boo well obviously yes I would be, or it would make me a bit of hypocrite wouldn't it!!