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To think this does not constitute a problem with alcohol and DP is unreasonable?

134 replies

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 10:49

Inspired by another post that reminded me I was going to ask this!

I like to have a drink, mostly on Friday and/or Saturday nights, sometimes at home but I like to go out to clubs and enjoy drinking while I'm there.

I never get so drunk that I can't walk, throw up, behave inappropriately or can't remember things. I don't get so drunk I have a terrible hangover and can't function the next day, never miss work because of it etc - in fact if I'm working the next day I don't usually drinks at all.

DP thinks I drink too much and says that I behave 'like a dick' when I drink, which I'm sure I don't and he is just exaggerating as no one else has ever mentioned it to me.

He doesn't drink at all which I'm sure skews his view on things, and he thinks I should give up completely. I really don't want to as I really enjoy drinking when I do it but he says that if I can't give it up for, say, a month, then I have a problem and need to go to the doctor. Aibu to think he is being ridiculous?

OP posts:
ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 18:45

Spartans, I can quite happily just have one or two, doesn't always turn into more especially if I'm at home.

OP posts:
Spartans · 09/08/2015 18:51

Then why do you have to get drunk when you go out. Especially when you are aware you do need to cut down?

Spartans · 09/08/2015 18:53

And also it's strange that that is the only part you picked up on. You may be able to have one or two. But not when you go out because it ruins your night.

If you are able to cut down and you know you should cut down. Why not do that? It's a compromise.

LavenderLeigh · 09/08/2015 18:54

If you are happy with one or two drinks, then what is the issue with cutting alcohol out?
The UK is a very drink oriented society. It is seen as normal to drink on a regular basis. but if you need to drink as a crutch, whether this be to enjoy social occasions, or because you have had bad news or because you are out celebrating, then you have an issue with alcohol. That doesn't mean it is a problem right now, but it does mean you are at risk of developing a dependency on alcohol.
Attitudes to alcohol change. When I was young it was not unusual for people to have a few drinks and then drive. Now some people think it is normal to drink at least once a week. That doesn't meN the risk to your health is reduced.

Maryz · 09/08/2015 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangeVase · 09/08/2015 19:22

I don't think it is about whether you are drinking too much or not. Neither is it about whether you can or can't go without. It is about DP who has raised an issue with you; something that makes him feel uncomfortable in the relationship.

Plenty of MNers raise issues with their DP s all the time. (anything from how much housework he does to how they should spend Christmas) It is not controlling to do this. It is a normal part of a relationship.

Listen to him. Work it through with him. If in the end you both want something different maybe it is time to call it a day. But he has the right to be heard.

I had a heavy drinking boyfriend. It was fun for a while but I grew out of it. I wanted to do different things at the weekends. The "laugh" in the pub and the money that cost and the people we were with began to bore me. He said I was controlling and sucking the joy out of life. In the end we just wanted different things.

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 19:30

No, I'm not backtracking, just adding more information.

Spartans, it's really dependent on my mood. Sometimes I'm happy to stop at two, sometimes I want more. When I'm out I usually want more, partly because it helps me feel more comfortable and confidant, partly because everyone else is drinking etc etc.

Also, I am happy to it down but DP wants me to stop completely and isn't happy with me just cutting down. I feel like there is a middle ground between what I do now and teetotal.

OP posts:
Spartans · 09/08/2015 19:38

The fact that you want more because of how you feel is very telling.

When it comes to your dp, you are not going to give up are you? (Not saying you should) so he has a choice he either accepts the compromise (you cutting down) or he doesn't

If he doesn't then maybe you both need to rethink if the relationship is what you both want.

The same as if you agree to cut down and don't, he may want to rethink it.

We can't control other people. We can control how we react to it. And tbh I wouldn't want to be with someone who drinks as much as you. That's your dps choice.

Your choice is what you do if he won't accept a compromise.

If he won't, what other resolution is there?

emotionsecho · 09/08/2015 19:43

People always underestimate how much they drink, also 'confidence' gained from drinking usually translates to being loud and irritating and the person drinking for that purpose always confuses the two.

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