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To think this does not constitute a problem with alcohol and DP is unreasonable?

134 replies

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 10:49

Inspired by another post that reminded me I was going to ask this!

I like to have a drink, mostly on Friday and/or Saturday nights, sometimes at home but I like to go out to clubs and enjoy drinking while I'm there.

I never get so drunk that I can't walk, throw up, behave inappropriately or can't remember things. I don't get so drunk I have a terrible hangover and can't function the next day, never miss work because of it etc - in fact if I'm working the next day I don't usually drinks at all.

DP thinks I drink too much and says that I behave 'like a dick' when I drink, which I'm sure I don't and he is just exaggerating as no one else has ever mentioned it to me.

He doesn't drink at all which I'm sure skews his view on things, and he thinks I should give up completely. I really don't want to as I really enjoy drinking when I do it but he says that if I can't give it up for, say, a month, then I have a problem and need to go to the doctor. Aibu to think he is being ridiculous?

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 09/08/2015 17:23

Completely agree Bamb.

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 17:27

In my late teens/early 20s I drank very heavily, several times a week - all socially.

Nowadays (I'm nearly 40) I rarely drink. Maybe a lager with a curry or glass of wine of an evening. My OH drinks craft ale and can easily drink 3-4 pints a night (6%+) a day, plus a tot of whisky at bedtime. I don't like it much, but I don't lecture him. I will point out when it becomes too regular, and he'll take a break for a few weeks.

XiCi · 09/08/2015 17:29

Really? How patronising bambambini Actually if you look at countries drinking consumption per capita the UK is way down the list. I've travelled alot and lived in Europe and the ME. How much we drink is not any different. The behaviour of dome people when drunk in towns and cities is another matter.

Redshoes55 · 09/08/2015 17:34

That's a funny post Bambambini

wheresthelight · 09/08/2015 17:38

I think the fact you state that if you can't drink then you would prefer not to go out at all is quite a telling statement. It suggests a need for alcohol in order to enjoy yourself which is a problem I am afraid.

You may not see it and your friends if drinking to a similar scale may also not see it but it has become enough of an issue for your partner to raise it then you need to look at it seriously.

I think his words are tactless but you dismissing it at him exaggerating would be a red flag for me

Bambambini · 09/08/2015 17:39

Xici - well i disagree ( some countries can give us a run for our money admittedly though don't see hoe some other countries being crap with drink makes it ok) it's all part of the same problem. i've lived in other countries and had friends where they don't drink to get drunk and actually see that behaviour as shameful and embarrassing. We have an awful drink culture, all starting at a dangerously young age.

Preciousbane · 09/08/2015 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goshthatsspicy · 09/08/2015 17:46

I lived abroad for seven years, on my return l was shocked at the amount we can consume here. Forgotten l suppose.

Dynomite · 09/08/2015 17:49

That's quite a lot to drink. And it must be very annoying for one's partner to be drunk/tipsy every Friday and Saturday. That would really annoy me and I am someone who does generally like a drink. And the fact that you would rather not go out if you can't drink is very telling. You have a problem. YABU

Spartans · 09/08/2015 17:51

Red she isn't having a few glasses of wine, though is she.

And yes it may be is smoking. Doesn't mean a person can't be worried about the consequences. Or, in this case, not want to be groped by a drunk girl.

When I said 'yes you are doing' I was referring to where you said you weren't sayinf it was definitley controlling in this case. You called him all sorts and said he was controlling.

And yes we are speculating, as I said I am not 100% sure but am slightly more of the view that the op has a problem. Because the OP hasn't given much info. But you said upthread he was a boring nasty twat and told the OP to ditch him. That's pretty definitive and you are saying he is controlling her.

The fact is we can't really help the OP, because lots could change how we view it. But there is nowhere near enough info to say he is definitley a bastard and she should leave.

Spartans · 09/08/2015 17:52

There is enough info to say she is a binge drinker though

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 17:55

I think some posters are misunderstanding some of what I've posted, it may be my fault as I was at work so posting in a bit of a hurry!

I don't drink every weekend as I dont drink when I'm working so I'll drink either at home or on a night out. I also don't drink Friday and Saturday, only one or the other as I don't like drinking two nights in a row (just don't feel like it).

Giving up for a month was just an example, he wants me to give up totally for three months (although it would be altogether if he had his way!). I probably could but I just don't want to in all honesty. As I said, I really enjoy it and I have no other vices, don't smoke or do drugs etc so that is the one 'bad' thing I have. I know that doesn't make it ok as such but it's the one thing I do!

DP does enjoy going out with me & friends when we are all drinking so it isn't that he is fed up of being the only sober one, all our friends drink waaay more than I do too! We do do other stuff together that doesn't involve drinking.

When he said I was groping him, I KNOW 100% that I wasnt, I remember the night in question and I tried to hold his hand and that's it, DP isn't overly keen on pda so I don't even try to kiss him in public let alone groping!

OP posts:
XiCi · 09/08/2015 18:01

I think the fact the the OPs DP wants her to stop drinking completely is very telling. It's not that he thinks that she should cut down, he wants her to be teetotal. That's what I think people are getting at when they say he is being controlling.I don't think many people would like being dictated to in such a way.

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 18:01

Also, there is one night in question in the next three months (birthday party) where we are all going out and it's supposed to be fancy dress and I just know I will feel really awkward and uncomfortable if I'm not allowed to drink at all, I'll feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking I look a mess :(

OP posts:
ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 18:02

Do a month then.

Maryz · 09/08/2015 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XiCi · 09/08/2015 18:06

X post OP. Sounds like he wants everything his own way, the 3 month thing will just be a precursor to him pressurising you to give up for good. Put the boot on the other foot and suggest that as he is fed up of being the only sober one that he drinks for 3 months Wink

maybebabybee · 09/08/2015 18:06

Massive drip feed there OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/08/2015 18:13

I don't think you have much of a problem with alcohol but you are doing the binge-drinking thing, which isn't that healthy for you.

3-4 pints of cider - what % alcohol are we talking here?
Then 3-4 spirits/mixers, and then possibly shots on

Use this to calculate how many units of alcohol you're taking in in one night. Drinking heavily once a week, or less often, is far worse for you because your liver doesn't store the enzymes it needs to detoxify the alcohol for that long, so it has to make them fresh every time, which takes longer, thus allowing the alcohol to do more damage while it waits. If you drink that amount of alcohol over a whole week, then the damage is less because the enzymes hang around.

Whether or not you do act like a dick is hard to say - I have had a couple of friends who truly did act like dicks when drunk, but they couldn't be brought to believe it, as it didn't feel like that to them. One of them was indeed a borderline alcoholic, and it took for her to have an accident one night on her way into her house and not be able to remember how she got hurt the next morning before she woke up to herself.

Clearly your OH is not happy with the way you behave when you've alcohol on board - but whether that is because you are a dick, or because he is a control freak who just wants you to go teetotal, we're not in a position to say. You need to find another non-drinking friend and ask them if you're a dick.

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 18:13

Sorry, I wasnt trying to drip feed just was very busy at work and didn't have time to post all the details.

I admit that maybe I drink more than I should and should probably cut down further but if I do I want to cut down because I want to not because I've been told I have to.

The party is within a month Regina :)

OP posts:
Goshthatsspicy · 09/08/2015 18:20

I think a really good idea would be to stop for a while. Do it when you want to though. That really is the only way to find out (for you) if you have a problem? Smile

Spartans · 09/08/2015 18:39

See I am not sure if its a drip feed or someone with a drink problem, trying to justify it.

You say you do feel you need to cut down a bit more, but are stomping your feet because you dp has said it to. A normal partner would be inclined to worry about their partner. Many would also be put off with nights out having to revolve around drink and getting drunk.

If that partner also genuinely believed its a real problem, they would want you to quit. People with drink problems struggle with just having the odd one or two. It usually turns into 8.

I don't think I can help anymore OP. Not trying to upset, but you do sound like you have a problem and like many people with drink problems you think its normal. When people don't agree then you change the story, reduce the amount you drink, how often etc.

Its quite typical behaviour of someone with a problem.

He may be controlling, you may be busy and didn't write the post accurately or you may have a serious drink problem. Its to hard to tell.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2015 18:40

I'm teetotal now, I didn't used to be and I too would binge drink out of awkwardness. I think though OP that you take this a step further and are using your perceived 'awkwardness' as an excuse to drink. The fact that you wouldn't go out if you couldn't drink highlights a problem to me. I think you're minimising the issue now that you're not being roundly validated. Your husband has raised it with you and I think you should discuss it with him.

It's not really possible to have a sensible discussion about alcohol here because there are lots of people who celebrate drunkenness and berate anybody who challenges binge drinking because it makes them feel judged. Most people don't care what you drink but, if your husband isn't happy with the way you behave when drunk then he has the right to be heard as do you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2015 18:41

x-posted with Spartans

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/08/2015 18:44

That's fine OP. You keep on the way you are, if you like. Clearly it's your priority. I personally think it's pretty telling that you think you cannot enjoy a party or night out with friends without drinking and think everyone will be staring at you if you don't drink. And love the change from one month to three, and the "I probably could do it, but I don't want to." Seriously... "probably"??? And of course, there's a party coming up in a month, so you can't do it then... and then Christmas coming up so you can't do it then....

I will point out, however, it's entirely possible if you keep it up, that at some point it may be a medical consultant telling you that you need to stop drinking and not your partner. Will you then still be saying "I want to cut down because I want to not because I've been told I have to." Hmm

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