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To think this does not constitute a problem with alcohol and DP is unreasonable?

134 replies

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 10:49

Inspired by another post that reminded me I was going to ask this!

I like to have a drink, mostly on Friday and/or Saturday nights, sometimes at home but I like to go out to clubs and enjoy drinking while I'm there.

I never get so drunk that I can't walk, throw up, behave inappropriately or can't remember things. I don't get so drunk I have a terrible hangover and can't function the next day, never miss work because of it etc - in fact if I'm working the next day I don't usually drinks at all.

DP thinks I drink too much and says that I behave 'like a dick' when I drink, which I'm sure I don't and he is just exaggerating as no one else has ever mentioned it to me.

He doesn't drink at all which I'm sure skews his view on things, and he thinks I should give up completely. I really don't want to as I really enjoy drinking when I do it but he says that if I can't give it up for, say, a month, then I have a problem and need to go to the doctor. Aibu to think he is being ridiculous?

OP posts:
BlueMoonRising · 09/08/2015 10:52

From what you have said, you don't come across like someone with a problem with alcohol.

And I very rarely drink.

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 10:53

You do sound like a regular binge drinker though. I believe that's even more damaging than drinking a small amount every day.

BlueMoonRising · 09/08/2015 10:54

If your OH is sober in the company of people that are all drinking, chances are you all come across like numpties - because drunkeness allows behaviour that while not necessarily 'dickish' or bad, certainly isn't how a sober person would behave.

But thats normal.

Candlefairy101 · 09/08/2015 10:58

Sounds to me OP that it's not the drinking you enjoy is the social aspect of it and it just so happens that sometimes drinking goes along with it. There shouldn't be a problem on his behalf about the drinking if you don't suffer with hangovers the next day, it sounds like he's more jealous of how much time you spend socialising on a weekend.

Does he ever ask you to stay in, or go out and do something fun with him in the weekend? During the week, we can hardly see our partners due to work,children etc, maybe he just misses some 'us time'?

I'm more social than my partner,he rarely likes to go out and I love clubbing, atm I seem to be pregnant t all the some lol,(I have a 12 month old and one on the way, so I'm in all the time, but usually I go out to clubs and he stays in with a box set, but I only do this once or twice a month because I do suffer with hangovers ????

tinkerbellvspredator · 09/08/2015 10:59

Possibility one: you act like a dick when you're drunk so your DP doesn't enjoy nights out together. He has a point and reasonable to ask you to cut back or drink less frequently.

Possibility two: your DP is a controlling arsehole. That he's asking you to give up completely points to this IMHO. LTB.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 09/08/2015 10:59

If your husband has generally sound judgement, then I would consider the possibility that you drink too much. A spouse would always notice this kind of thing long before anyone else would, so I wouldn't put too much stock in the fact that no one else has said anything.

Personally, I would be delighted if my husband were spearheading alcohol reduction in our house - it's always me.

Ragwort · 09/08/2015 10:59

I think people can behave differently after a few drinks, and if your DH is stone cold sober then it probably is a bit tedious for him but I would ask him to clarify exactly what he means by 'behaving like a dick'.

Both my DH and I drink regularly - 3-4 units most evenings - last night I was picking him up after he had been out drinking so I was sober and he did behave 'differently' and we had a bit of a row ........... the first in years Sad.

It's a difficult compromise for both of you - I can't imagine giving up drinking, despite all the information that it would be better for my health etc but I enjoy it. But it's like smoking - if you don't smoke you can't see how other people can enjoy it and why on earth they can't just give up.

ShiftyFades · 09/08/2015 11:00

I have a friend who is a social hand grenade when she drinks, everyone is too polite (frightened even) to tell her she's an arse when she's been drinking. Her husband tells her and pleads with her not to drink.
Perhaps you are the same, she only drinks at weekends too and thinks she's fine and behaving ok, those around her think the opposite.

It's difficult to judge your own behaviour when drinking but someone sober certainly can.

Maybe you should cut down?

wheresthelight · 09/08/2015 11:01

It is entirely possible to be a functioning alcoholic and be able to do all the things you describe without seeming to have an issue.

I guess the issue becomes if you cannot go out and not drink regardless of whether you are working the next day.

Getyercoat · 09/08/2015 11:01

Do the test so, go out one weekend and don't drink alcohol.
Then see 1) how you manage a night without it and 2) how your DH thinks you act.

If you simply cannot go out and not drink, he might have a point.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 11:02

You haven't said how much you actually drink!!

Littlefish · 09/08/2015 11:04

The fact that your DH says you "behave like a dick" when you've been drinking would worry me a little. Your behaviour obviously changes (to him) in a noticeable way when you've been drinking. Others around you may to comment because either they are drinking too, or they may not feel able to comment.

I don't think he has the right to insist you give up drinking, but I think that if my partner was expressing concern about something I was doing which could potentially have implications for my health, then I like to think that I would listen and give it proper consideration.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 11:05

Ask him how he perceives your individual friends who also drink. From that you can probably gage where you are on the scale of drunkend nobbyness.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 11:06

How much do you drink?

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 11:07

He has the right to be concerned but obviously can't force you to give up for the month

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 11:09

Just because no one has mentioned any bad behaviour from you doesn't mean it's doesn't happen. He's speaking to you about something that's bothering him.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 09/08/2015 11:09

If you trust your husband and have a good marriage, I would take his opinion seriously. No one else is going to say anything.

I have a friend who is a bloody nightmare and I wouldn't say anything to her (unless she asked). Not suggesting you're a train wreck, but rather that you can't always trust friends to say something.

SirChenjin · 09/08/2015 11:10

How much do you drink, how often do your weekends not involve alcohol, and in what way does he think you act like a dick when you drink?

It's hard to make a judgement as to whether or not YABU without knowing more about your drinking habits tbh.

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 12:01

I drink cider usually but I can't physically fit more than 2 or 3 pints in me so usually I have 2/3 ciders and a few (2-4) 'spirits & mixers'. If it's a birthday or special occasion I might have one or two shots.

Thing is, we go out together with the same group of friends, all of whom behave (I think) in the same way as me, all of whom drink so he is the only one sober but he never mentioned their behaviour. As an example, last time we went out he said I was groping him on the dance floor - I am 100% sure I was not, I tried to hold his hand but that was it (he does have a tendancy generally to exaggerate and be over the top about things).

I think in a way it's a self fulfilling prophecy - he thinks I misbehave when I drink, so he perceives my actions as 'dickishness' and starts an argument about it, which I then respond to. Not always but sometimes.

Getyercoat, in all honesty, if I was going out and asked not to drink I'd probably rather not go as I hate being the (almost) only sober one and it isn't enjoyable for me. Plus I'm very self conscious about the way I look and am too uncomfortable to dance and enjoy myself if I'm sober, I just stand and the side or sit at the table all night.

Since starting my new job I have cut down a lot, I work alternate weekends so only go out maximum twice a month.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 09/08/2015 12:06

What's your partner like the rest of the time? Does he criticise you? Does he like your friends? Does he have a sense of moral superiority because he doesn't drink? Is he good fun to be with?

SEsofty · 09/08/2015 12:42

What do you and he enjoy doing together as he obviously doesn't enjoy the going out clubbing bit.

coconutpie · 09/08/2015 12:43

So you could potentially have 3 pints of cider, 4 spirits / mixers and 2 shots? That's binge drinking.

If your DP is saying you're being a bit of a dick, he may be right. You probably don't realise because by that stage you've had 9 drinks. Maybe he should video record you when he thinks you're being a dick and then plays it back to you the next day when you're sober? I reckon the vast majority of alcoholics are of the functioning variety rather than the passed out cold variety.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/08/2015 12:49

You're drinking large quantities of alcohol. It probably does make you behave like a dick, most people do after that much booze. That's not to say you have a drink problem, but maybe a compatibility issue with your dp. I would hate to have a partner who drank that much on a weekly basis.

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 12:52

That really is quite a lot to drink and if you're doing this almost every weekend then I can see why he has a problem with it. Coupled with the fact you 'need' to drink to be able to have fun sounds like a problem to me. He doesn't need to comment on your friends behaviour as he isn't in a relationship with them. If he says you're groping him after having that many drinks then it most likely is.
If you value your relationship be honest about what you really think is going on and if your bf feelings matter about this issue.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 12:53

Do you mean 2-3 pints plus 2-4 mixers in one night? If so, that's binge drinking for sure.

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