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To think this does not constitute a problem with alcohol and DP is unreasonable?

134 replies

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 10:49

Inspired by another post that reminded me I was going to ask this!

I like to have a drink, mostly on Friday and/or Saturday nights, sometimes at home but I like to go out to clubs and enjoy drinking while I'm there.

I never get so drunk that I can't walk, throw up, behave inappropriately or can't remember things. I don't get so drunk I have a terrible hangover and can't function the next day, never miss work because of it etc - in fact if I'm working the next day I don't usually drinks at all.

DP thinks I drink too much and says that I behave 'like a dick' when I drink, which I'm sure I don't and he is just exaggerating as no one else has ever mentioned it to me.

He doesn't drink at all which I'm sure skews his view on things, and he thinks I should give up completely. I really don't want to as I really enjoy drinking when I do it but he says that if I can't give it up for, say, a month, then I have a problem and need to go to the doctor. Aibu to think he is being ridiculous?

OP posts:
ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 12:57

Are those spirits singles or doubles? As I said very early on, you're a binge drinker.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 12:59

One cider is 2-3 units of alcohol. So possibly 9 units of alcohol plus 4 units (4 spirits). So 13 units of alcohol in one night when the weekly limit is 14.

Spartans · 09/08/2015 12:59

I actually think he may be right.

An alcohol problem does not mean you have to drink everyday. The fact that you can't have a good time or rely on alcohol to ensure you have a good time, to me sounds like a problem.

And that sounds like a huge amount to drink

SacredHeart · 09/08/2015 13:01

That may not be enough to be sick and pass out but it is enough to lower your inhibitions, get a little loud, tell a few off colour jokes, be a little bullish and, yes, be a dick to someone sober.

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 13:03

I would be pissed and loud and or silly on that amount and I'm not a lightweight.

To a sober person I could quite easily be behaving 'like a dick' in those circumstances.

The official definition of binge drinking is laughably conservative (basically if a woman has a second pint or medium glass of wine it counts as binge drinking) but cider is usually strong so you're talking about at least half your weekly allowance of 14 units there, possibly all of it.

TravellingToad · 09/08/2015 13:04

This doesn't mean anything

"I never get so drunk that I can't walk, throw up, behave inappropriately or can't remember things. I don't get so drunk I have a terrible hangover and can't function the next day, never miss work because of it etc"

My SIL could say that too because she drinks so much that after 2 bottles of wine she's stone cold sober. I would class her as having a problem with alcohol but it doesn't effect her in any way. Not saying this is necessarily you but maybe you should tell us how much you drink, not how little effect it has?

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 13:05

One cider is 2-3 units of alcohol. So possibly 9 units of alcohol plus 4 units (4 spirits). So 13 units of alcohol in one night when the weekly limit is 14.

It's not a limit - it's a guideline.

Nightclub spirits tend to be doubles. So that's potentially 17-20 units (if there are shots as well) in one night.

It will take your body 1 hour per unit to deal with that, so 20 hours of your liver working full tilt. Hence it being more damaging to binge drink like this than to have a glass of wine every night.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/08/2015 13:07

Sounds like you do binge drink.

However it's more worrying to me that your DP uses language which is unpleasant and critical.

Calling you a 'dick' and insisting you give up entirely, rather than cut down, points to the real issue here.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 13:08

I'm with the sober person on this. You do sound like you're acting like a drunk. Sorry. The fact you can't socialise without alcohol means you have a problem. Again, sorry.

Spartans · 09/08/2015 13:10

If my husband tried to repeatedly grope me in public when drunk....I would call him a dick to.

I would also refuse to go out with him again.

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 13:10

I recon if the spirits are doubles, your having 18 units in one night. You might look like your handling it ok but really your not

laffymeal · 09/08/2015 13:11

It's very difficult to tell if he's being unfair saying you act like a dick with a few drinks in you. Can you get an objective opinion from another friend? Say something like "am I a PITA when I'm drunk/have I ever been embarrassing/boorish/aggressive".

If it turns out that drinking alcohol significantly changes your personality, it might be worth thinking about cutting it back (or out altogether).

I enjoy drinking socially but I HATE being drunk. Friends have told me that I'm actually NICER when I've had a drink...more warm and fuzzy/tolerant/a better laugh etc. so I'm trying to act like I've had a drink all the time now!

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 13:13

If you go out two nights that's 36 units over a 30 hour period

LavenderLeigh · 09/08/2015 13:19

That's a lot to drink in one night. When it happens regularly, coupled with the fact you don't like to go out and not drink, then it does suggest you are reliant on alcohol and that's an issue.

You only get one liver. You might think you are coping fine with all that alcohol, but you are risking damaging your liver and shortening your life. I was diagnosed with a genetic liver condition and given a 20% chance of living for more than five years. I was lucky and went onto spontaneous remission (which my consultant described as a "medical miracle") but if I relapse, then the only treatment is a liver transplant.

if you cannot enjoy yourself without a drink, then you have a problem. You have the solution in your hands. Don't wait until there are no solutions left.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/08/2015 13:36

I'm curious. While he can't order you to quit for a month, obviously, could you actually do it?

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 13:40

Personally I don't think OP could quit for a month.

CerealEater · 09/08/2015 13:40

That's a lot of alcohol every weekend, I'd be concerned and angry if my partner did that every weekend.

MrsHathaway · 09/08/2015 13:40

I'm just going to note that you and some posters are scoffing about giving up alcohol for a month as though it's so impossible it's am offensive suggestion.

Not drinking for a month is nothing at all. If you couldn't go without for a month then you have an alcohol problem. If you'd rather not go out at all than go out sober then you have an alcohol problem. It honestly sounds like he has a point even if he made it rudely.

What do you want to do about it? Tbh a month off sounds like a good idea. Either you'll prove you're fine, or you'll realise you're not and be able to do something about it. Win-win.

HermioneWeasley · 09/08/2015 13:42

Depending on the strength of the cider you are driving around a week's units in one night - that is a lot.

And yes, drunk people are very dull to be around if you're sober so I have some sympathy with your partner.

Could you give up for a month?

hairtoday1 · 09/08/2015 13:49

'If you can't go without alcohol for a month then you have a problem'

Yeah but why would you want to if you enjoy it?

hairtoday1 · 09/08/2015 13:50

ps I don't think you're drinking shit loads

The unit guidelines are just made up and there's conflicting advice about whether drinking a little every day or binging is worse

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 13:51

Why would you want to? Maybe to assuage the fears of somebody who loves you? To prove a point?

Why wouldn't you? Afraid?

ApignamedJasper · 09/08/2015 13:52

That would be the maximum I'd have in a night out, most of the time I don't have the shots and I'd probably have cider or spirits rather than both but that is the absolute most I would drink. I cider I have is the ones in the bottles, about 4% so probably 2/2.5 units? Single unit spirits can't afford doubles

My job involves getting up very early so I don't bother drinking if I'm working the next day so I could potentially go almost 2 weeks without drinking at all.

OP posts:
Spartans · 09/08/2015 13:56

Op, I really can't tell who is bu.

I mostly think it's you. You said earlier you usually drink 2-3 ciders and the between 2-4 spirits. Now you are sayin that's the maximum.

To me, it is coming across as though you have a bit of a problem.

You can't have a good night out without drink. When people were agreeing that you do was being u, you have a list of what you drink. Now you are reducing that, since people are agreeing with you dp.

Minimising it and changing what you say, is a sign there is a problem.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/08/2015 13:56

It's still a huge load on the liver.

It also doesn't answer the question. Could you give it up for a month?

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