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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 14:44

By the way, you're all bastards. I've just added beef to my shopping list for next week :o

miranda89 · 09/08/2015 14:49

I am really supriised at the amount of "rude" and "dictating" comments. It's family I wouldn't class them as being rude, I know my family wouldn't think twice of giving me their opinions if I'd dared to break tradition..ie..You are not inviting them for Christmas dinner, like OP states it's your turn, therefore why would you consider breaking the tradition? by all means adapt it to suit all. But dp's family are not rude or dictating

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 14:59

Um. It is rude. You're in somebody else's home. They're making the effort, they're paying. They should expect to be able to eat what they want one year in three.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 09/08/2015 15:15

I wouldn't consider making Christmas dinner without canvasing my family for their preferences. But (crucially) there's a polite/subtle tug-of-war over who actually hosts.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 15:24

Although turkey is a relatively recent British Christmas tradition I think it is nice to serve. I'm not a big fan myself, but I always serve two or three choices. Last year was turkey, roast beef, and chestnut, walnut and cranberry filo parcels for my vegan relatives.

Phoenix0x0 · 09/08/2015 15:38

I rarely cook Turkey at Christmas.

I think that this is a lesson learned here about not sharing what you will serve because someone especially family will always have an opinion or just smile, nod and ignore Grin.

Personally, it's your house and you are hosting so serve what you want to cook. You could buy a very small crown (I bought one in M&S for £15), or rolled Turkey joint, but I would also serve the beef also. You could cook the salmon for the evening, is this an option?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/08/2015 15:38

I wouldn't consider making Christmas dinner without canvasing my family for their preferences

Yep, same here. I find the 'if they're coming to your house they eat what they're given' attitude plain weird and extremely unwelcoming.

We give lots of dinner parties, have people to eat for various occasions etc. and I always try to take my guests likes and dislikes in consideration. Basically because I want them to really enjoy themselves.

ceres · 09/08/2015 15:43

This is why I always cook Christmas dinner - I'm not prepared to run the risk of not actually getting Christmas dinner!

If it's not Turkey and ham it's not Christmas dinner. It doesn't matter how nice it is, it isn't Christmas dinner.

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 15:46

Thankfully my entire family hates turkey.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2015 15:56

I had to change when I got married. DH and his family are Turkey haterz, whereas I was raised with Turkey as the only option for Christmas Dinner. It was what said Christmas to me - and because my mum always bought a small Turkey, and cooked it really well, it was delicious, tasty and moist.

Plus I always loved the meals made with the Turkey leftovers - curry, especially.

When dh and I got together, there was no way he was going to have Turkey for Christmas dinner, but I felt strongly that the centrepiece of Christmas dinner should be something we didn't have during the rest of the year - I honestly felt roast beef wasn't sufficiently special. So when it was just the two of us, we had things like venison or duck, and as the boys came along, we got into the habit of having goose - which I love. It is wonderfully celebratory and feels special - and it goes with the traditional accompaniments of roast potatoes, sprouts and chestnuts, stuffing and bread sauce etc.

I remember my first Christmas with dh and his family - his mum got a 3-bird roast made by their local butcher - no turkey to be seen - but it did not occur to me to complain about the absence of turkey.

If I were the OP, I would do the salmon as a starter, and then do a nice turkey crown and a smaller joint of beef - hopefully that would keep everyone happy - and if anyone was rude enough to complain that there was beef and salmon as well as the turkey they had rudely demanded, then fuck 'em - in your head or under your breath whilst clashing sauce pans - but still, fuck 'em!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2015 15:59

I'm sorry - what I forgot to say in all that rambling was that I can understand the feeling that turkey is the ONLY meat for Christmas dinner - because that is how I used to feel - but that it is also possible to change, to discover new things that can be equally celebratory, and to be a guest in a turkey-free household without the magic of Christmas being destroyed forever.

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 16:12

Have you had the trifle v plum pudding v some new fangled pudding debate OP? Things will really kick off then! Wink

Noseypoke · 09/08/2015 16:29

Agree with Daisy. Any other day of the year I would be happy to eat anything else. On Christmas day though it has to be turkey with all the trimmings. Just not the same without it.

I'd provide my own if whoever was hosting didn't want to make it though, but I'd think they were not being a particularly good host.

Doobigetta · 09/08/2015 16:48

I like turkey at Christmas, and it annoys me when people get snobby about it. It isn't dry and tasteless when I cook it, so they clearly just aren't good cooks. Having said that though, I think the host gets to pick the menu, and roast beef is hardly wacky and out there or not making an effort. One thing I would NOT do is cook two different meats. producing a roast with all the trimmings is a bloody marathon to start off with, don't make it even more hard work.

toffeeboffin · 09/08/2015 17:35

Not read the whole thread, no doubt Im saying what someone else has said.

Last year we hosted Xmas. Coerced into cooking flipping turkey and trimmings. Disaster. DH was pissed, burned the mash, veg was cold etc etc.

Next time I refuse to bow to pressure. It will be lasagne (yes, lasagne) or you can go eat elsewhere.

Saying that, its not our turn for a good few years, thank god.

toffeeboffin · 09/08/2015 17:38

P. S. I hate turkey too. If I'm invited, I eat it. If you are at my place you eat what you are given (grr).

There's enough pressure in everyday life to get worked up about turkey, pudding etc. Defeats the point of Xmas!

NellysKnickers · 09/08/2015 17:43

Get them each a Frozen turkey dinner from Iceland and have your beef and salmon. Sounds lovely by the way.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 09/08/2015 18:09

I bloody hate turkey. Cant remember the last time we actually had it for christmas. Having goose this year, and its our first christmas in our forever home with DD and I CANT WAIT. I will be heavily pregnant too so an excellent excuse to refuse to drive anywhere Grin
if the rellies want to see us they can bloody make the effort for a change!

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 18:16

Goose is divine!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2015 18:18

I made a really nice dinner with leftover goose last year - I shredded it into a mixture of runny honey, soy sauce and five-spice, then fried it until dark and sticky and served it with rice - yum.

FunkyPeacock · 09/08/2015 18:30

I am slightly torn on this one!

I'm a turkey lover but if another family member was hosting Xmas I wouldn't 'demand' it, but if they asked my opinion then yes I would say that turkey would be my preference if given a choice ....but I certainly wouldn't make a fuss and would quite happily eat salmon & beef if that was what the host decided to go with.

Now that the in-laws have made their preferences known then I think you really need to find a compromise, eg turkey & beef or turkey & salmon as otherwise it will look like you are the one being unreasonable.

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 18:32

That sounds delish STDG. I'm drooling!

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 09/08/2015 19:07

I love turkey it's my favourite meat. My parents do Christmas Dinner for 11 every year. We have turkey, beef and boiled bacon.

Janethegirl · 09/08/2015 19:19

The only time I'll do turkey is if I'm feeding dd as she absolutely loves it. The rest of us prefer anything else, however DM is in dd's camp.

I tend to do turkey crown and a n other meat, or a 5 bird roast made by a mate ( turkey is an ingredient so I get away with it).

LastLight · 09/08/2015 19:23

We always serve beef at Christmas. Lovely lovely rib of beef. Two years ago MIL was so upset about not having Turkey, that she made FIL do a whole Christmas dinner with Turkey the week before they came to us. I didn't find this out until afterwards, and was mighty annoyed. I would have been happy to cook Turkey if she was THAT upset.

So last year, their turn to is again, I did the lovely, lovely rib of beef, and a prepared turkey joint from M and S, just for them. It was tiny, meant to feed 3.

We ended up with enough Turkey left for a curry the next day, and no beef. They DEVOURED the beef, and had a tiny slice of Turkey each. And it was actually tasty Turkey, so that wasn't the problem. I think she just wanted a drama before!

So, anyway, even if you do accommodate everyone, they will probably end up not liking what you have done, so stick to your guns.