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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
pootlebug · 09/08/2015 21:42

"my AIBU was about whether it's ok as a guest to insist on a dish when it's simply preference"

Vegetarianism is 'simply preference'. Only eating certain meat for religious reasons is also 'simply preference'. Serious food allergies go way beyond preference.

For me, Christmas dinner has turkey. Probably because that's the way it has been for the last 38 years. If I call myself a christmasturkeyian does that count to make it more than 'preference'? And turkey crown is crap - the nicest bits of a turkey are the legs, and the ability to boil up the carcass for stock for turkey soup etc.

I love beef, fwiw. Just not for Christmas day.

Noseypoke · 09/08/2015 21:44

OP, there are 21 people in my family and some are pescetarians, so on Xmas day we have turkey, ham and a whole baked salmon. What happens is that the salmon gets cooked at the house of whoever is hosting, someone else cooks the ham and brings it and another person will cook the turkey and bring it. The meat stays hot for quite a long time as it's wrapped in foil and tea towels.

Would it be a possibility for someone else to cook a turkey and bring it so everyone is happy?

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 21:46

I think adding a turkey crown is a more than adequate compromise for the OP to make.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/08/2015 21:47

Yabu as you are taking turns at hosting. Forget about the salmon ( how does salmon even go with gravy, yorkshires etc) just do turkey and beef.

maddy68 · 09/08/2015 22:09

Sticking beef in at the same time as a turkey requires no effort at all. I always do this so I can please everyone

ravenAK · 09/08/2015 22:19

I'd have the salmon for a different meal - would be lovely Boxing Day as light relief from all the stodge on Xmas Day.

I've spent several years hosting hordes of meat eating, turkey hating ILs (STBXH, dc & I were veggie). I just did a joint AND a veggie thing. I'd have been fine with doing a turkey as well, or instead of the veggie option - just make sure the carcass gets well stripped & fill the freezer with curry etc.

The only objections I would have would be 1) oven space (but both meats will stay warm for ages so you can do stuffing etc) or 2) cost - if you are on a tight budget, I can see being irritated at shelling out for good quality beef AND a turkey.

Don't think I'd go with the turkey crown unless you know they'd be happy to eat it. I'd rather get a whole bird & be creative with the leftovers!

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 22:24

The OP said ages ago that the salmon was a starter.

I think not eating certain meet for religious reasons is rather more than a preference.

Wolpertinger · 09/08/2015 22:25

I guess now I have DCs I very much want to start our own Christmas traditions

And so now I can see you are really disrupting what has been a nice routine of hosting - maybe based around DH's family instead of yours, seeing as you say your family never get to stay for the whole day?

Turns is one of those things that sounds lovely but can become a bit of a millstone, as you never get to do things entirely the way you want and often they are stuck of by one set of grandparents who have forgotten that they didnt do it when they were parents, or they did it and didnt like it.

Christmas is a season not a day and families can be visited on Boxing Day or there's always a nearby weekend or New Year. It's lovely to be at home with little kids on Christmas day - stick to your guns for next year!

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 22:26

The only thing that gives me a slight panic when thinking about Christmas dinner is the worry there might not be any crackers.

honeysucklejasmine · 09/08/2015 22:28

For me, its not about the Turkey, but the trimmings. If there are no pigs in blankets, no sprouts or parsnips, no bread sauce and red currant jelly, and worse of all, no red cabbage, what the hell is the point? Shock

These trimmings do not go well with beef, I can assure you! Wink

Very interesting to hear what other people eat though. you weirdos

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 22:40

Red cabbage? NO. And bread sauce is an abomination!

Barbarian.

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 22:40

We have roast potatoes, sprouts, parsnips, stuffing, cauliflower cheese, pigs in blankets, cranberry sauce.

Never have red cabbage and bread sauce as nobody likes it.

I did Christmas dinner for 7 last year after years of it being just me and DP so pushed the boat out a little bit and put all the 'what do you want on your dinner out of X Y and Z' feelers out beforehand.

As there were no special requests I just did what I thought best. Either everyone was happy or my in laws are politer than the OPs as everyone said they loved it.

The only problem was that I massively underestimated the number of roast potatoes that BIL eats so the roasties only just went around. He must have had the same amount as the other six put together. greedy fussy bastard only eats meat and potatoes and no veg and no-one thought to mention it.

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 22:41

Ooh cross post with Crystal. It sounds like we could agree on the great Christmas dinner sides debate.

Noseypoke · 09/08/2015 22:43

Proper home made bread sauce is one of the best bits of Xmas dinner. Packet bread sauce is an abomination.

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 22:43

Oh yes Work, I could settle in very well around your Christmas table! Assuming of course there are crackers Grin

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 22:54

My need to be emotionally wedded to a bird - on xmas day would not trump my need - to be polite and thankful someone else was hosting the day.

Good luck insisting on your family next year op, if you cant even stick to a beef/salmon one this year!!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 09/08/2015 23:01

No to parsnips, bread sauce and red cabbage from me, they have no place with a roast IMO. However I know some of my guests like them so I cook them (well, my mum turns up with bread sauce that she makes at home).

We've tried not having turkey once or twice. It just isn't the same. I'd eat beef or salmon if that is what I was served with, but I'd find it very disappointing.

FithColumnist · 09/08/2015 23:03

OP, YANBU. I have had this argument every year with the ILs and DH.

They take the point of view that turkey is Traditional, plum pudding is Traditional and (for some god-only-knows reason) prawn cocktail for starter is Traditional. And Tradition is all-important, because it's what Christmas is all about, isn't it? It's just not Christmas without the turkey, is it? Might as well not have the tree.

However, given the following propositions:

a) I hate fucking turkey,
b) they have never actually been explicitly invited, they just expect to turn up and be catered for,
c) I'm the one who does all the sodding cooking anyway,
d) and in my family the "traditional" Christmas meat is a ham.

We have beef, and I point out that if they're so set on turkey they can cook and we can come round their for a change.

Every year though, without fail, they kick up a fuss. Every year they say why don't I just do a turkey and a small portion of beef for myself. I always stick to my guns, endure the sniffing from MIL about how nice it would be to have turkey "for a change", and we have sodding beef. And you know what, there are never any leftovers. I did once try to get away with not doing Christmas Pud, but I decided to pick my battles and compromise on that.

However, last year the sulking from MIL was so bad that I've formulated a nefarious plot (with DH's collusion) to just fuck off to a cottage in North Wales for the week this year.

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 23:03

Ia there anything more British than gloopy gloppy bread sauce?

CrystalMcPistol · 09/08/2015 23:06

they have never actually been explicitly invited, they just expect to turn up and be catered for,

Grin

The cheek! I hope they come laden down with booze and chocs for you? For the laugh don't tell them you're heading to Wales for Crimbo, let them turn up on the doorstep as usual and have a gradual realisation........

nocoolnamesleft · 10/08/2015 01:28

I would never be so rude as to dictate to a host what I must eat. But I would be gravely disappointed to not have a traditional turkey Christmas dinner. It's part of the whole event. Including on occasions where it has been held up to 2 days before or afterwards, thanks to work...

And turkey is only dry and tasteless if you cook it that way...

BeaufortBelle · 10/08/2015 06:53

Bread sauce is delicious, never gloopy or gloppy here.

peel and cut an onion in two. Stud each half with four cloves.
Cover with milk (about 2/3 pint)
Bring slowly to simmer point, allow to cool and refrigerate pan overnight
Strain just before finishing
A good slice of butter, melted in pan
A rounded tbs plain flour, stirred in to make a smooth paste
Slowly add the milk and heat through stirring until you have a smooth, not too thick white sauce). Add a,splash more milk if required.
Add a blade of mace
Add fresh, white breadcrumbs gradually (three slices of good quality bread - not sliced) crusts removed and blitzed in the blender.
Stir u til the correct consistence (the bread should give texture too)
Add salt and black pepper and a slosh of cream if you wish.

Now, slice of pig, piece of turkey, bit of cranberry and smidgeon of bread sauce - what's,not to like about heaven entering your palate.

And a word about cranberry sauce. Have bought all sorts of luxury fresh stuff and have tried to make my own. Bah, here's what works for us: Jar of shop bought (use half), 4 tbs fresh orange juice, tablespoon of brandy and gently heat through in small pan, decant to sauce boat and serve warm.

florentina1 · 10/08/2015 06:58

Please, please please, Cook what you want. Otherwise you will end up like me never once in 66 years, eating a Xmas dinner that you enjoy. 66 bloody turkeys.

Original poster
Scarydinosaurs · 10/08/2015 07:19

Well, this will have to updated much nearer the time as I'm feeling queasy at the sheer volume of Christmas related thoughts I'm having. It's bloody August.

Oh, and I just thought of this- they're all getting an'proper' Christmas dinner the following day anyway- does that make me any less unreasonable?? Not sure.

Oh and religious restrictions over food and vegetarianism cannot be compared to people who eat other food but insist on eating one sort of food one day a year. I honestly didn't think there would people in the world so emotionally invested in a dish that they couldn't bear to eat something else ONCE after 50 plus years they got to eat what they wanted.

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 10/08/2015 07:24

Do you know, I can't believe there are people in the world who as hosts don't want to make sure their guests have a lovely time and think of what they would like best. Wouldn't it be easier to do that than to torment yourself for the next four months.