Dads staying over night

[silverperiwinkle]

What do you think?
m.burtonmail.co.uk/Burton-Queen-s-Hospital-introduce-scheme-allow/story-27564928-detail/story.html

I agree with Chick Chick to be honest. it is a bit precious to not be able to cope without your DP for a few hours over night. What will you do when they go to work and you are at home with the baby?

Yet again, Mad, you are missing the point entirely

You can support someone without being at their side annoying everyone

When I had ds all I needed from now exh was a change of clothes the day after. I did need him during the birth, although I'd have coped without (12h in hospital until ds was born).
I could hardly get up during the day, yet I coped while he got some much needed sleep at home.
A partner lacking sleep was much less needed than staff who were rested and actually knew what they were doing.

Yep totally missing the point. Not one person has suggested that new dads shouldn't support their DP. They have laid out several practical reasons why staying overnight in a 6 bedded bay is not the way to do it.

I kicked my now Ex out the room when I needed examining in pregnancy and when I needed examining when I was miscarrying. Some of you probably think that's a bit OTT but If I don't want my OWN partner to be present during an intimate and uncomfortable exam do you really think I would be comfortable knowing 4+ other men are just a drawn curtain away from such an intimate exam?

yes, yes I know... during the birth it all goes out the window. That's the birth. You do not give a damn about anything but giving birth. I had 10 people in my room whilst I was being shaved pre-section. I didn't care. However, the were trained medical staff and before or after I have every right to demand privacy and that includes from my partner.

Some of you not seeing that are so bloody entitled its unreal. You want your partner there 24/7 go private for the privileged or have a home birth. Just do not force it on any of us ladies who NEED the privacy.

They can support their partner by a) looking after themselves which is not possible on a crammed ward, and b) giving their partner space to recover when needed.

If a woman isn't coping, the nursing staff need to evaluate their care. No one in hospital should ever be left feeling alone and scared. Nurses are there to care for the whole person, and it's part of our job to make those in our care feel comfortable, settled and reassured.

It's natural to feel anxious at first, and it's bound to be hard caring for a baby straight after surgery or even after a natural delivery. But that doesn't mean we should be herding in their partners to be with them 24/7 just as if one of my patients was frightened, I wouldn't encourage them to call their husband/wife to sit beside them for the night because it just isn't safe.

Wards need to be as uncluttered as possible so that in the event of an emergency - a rapid transfer, an arrest, a security breach, a fire - an evacuation or movement can be carried out rapidly and safely. In an average ward of 36 patients, if you imagine 30 of them have partners your number of people to keep track of is now 66 at any given time. 66 people all needing to pee, eat, shower. 66 lots of luggage and 30 extra chairs for overnight. That's just not safe, feasible or practical at all.

If a woman gives birth to a child that's born very seriously ill, or if the woman herself becomes poorly and needs the care of an HDU etc, that might be handled differently. But for the majority of mums, cared for on multi bed bays, it shouldn't be possible for a partner to hang around 24/7.

Beyond anything else, what can your partner really do to help you? They cannot touch your IV, or drains. They can't check your stitches. They should never be helping you to mobilise (talking from experience , 'help' can actually be very dangerous to the patient). They can't get you more towels, linen changes, more blankets. They can't make you a cuppa. They can't take your observations, make sure you're not suffering from complications. Overnight especially, there's very little they can or would hopefully need to do that a nurse can't.

themadwoman They can be supportive. Most women are in for an average of 3 days. Three days annoying other patients who want privacy does not make a supportive partner. Being there when they come home does.

Im lucky I have one and even he, as a man, agrees its a ridiculous idea and would hate to think I was stuck on a ward with men I didn't feel comfortable around.

He's really hoping when we get around to ttc and having a child our hospital won't implement this because he knows how much harder this would make life for me and other women.

As he pointed out... Out of the 7 days stay if I have another section he'll only miss the bits where I am trying to sleeping. He gets the rest of soon to be babies life to be supportive and bond.

When my second DD was born by ELCS, I was on the ward the first night and confined to bed with drip/drain/catheter attached. Rang buzzer and had to get midwife to come and pass me screaming child to be fed. Feed done, she then filled her nappy, so I was trying to change her nappy on my lap. She then vomited her milk all over herself. I buzzed again and midwife came to change her, handed her back to me where she promptly vomited again. direct quote from midwife 'Oh I haven't got time for this - you will have to change her' - threw the clothes at me and walked off. I was but so tired and hormonal I just cuddled her under my blanket on my chest and we both went back to sleep. My long-winded point is - had DH been there, he could have done all that for me and there wouldn't have been any 'stress' for the MW and I could have been allowed to rest and recover and sleep. As it was - I have horrible memories of being in hospital and discharged myself the next day, too early probably.

thank you shouldnthavesaid I had an emergency post section as I posted earlier. My bay had to be cleared so I could be tended to. I stopped breathing. It wasn't easy wheeling out 3 other post section women and babies whilst dealing with an emergency and this was not long after visiting hours were over.

Exactly Hellsbells. NHS staff are already overworked not to mention the cuts. Nothing wrong with dh helping. Or ds or any male relative or even a male friend for that matter

Oh fgs. Can't you see that if visitors do the job of medical staff then there will end up being fewer medical staff? the answer is more medical staff not more men dossing in wards like a bloody youth hostel with hospital beds in

If you invite family and friends in it just increases the culture of 'that's not my job'. I already know nurses who won't take the sharp end of faecal incontince - attitudes like that should be stamped out 100%. That midwife should have been reprimanded - she's there to care for you and your baby, however long that takes. Unless there's something of a much higher priority, they should be caring for you as and when you need it (and more besides). We are all a bit overworked in the nhs but we should be dealing with that by taking on more staff, not inviting all and sundry in to have a go!

I quite fancy being an unpaid auxiliary brain surgeon. Form an orderly queue.

GiddyOnZackHunt I'm totes up for being a dentist. I have a feeling it will be a bit like this.

Mad, you are just being goady. A male friend now? Brilliant.
No one said being in hospital with a baby was easy. Neither is motherhood. Grow up a bit perhaps.

HelsBels - I won't bore you with the post natal trauma and grimness I went through. But like I said, I don't have a partner. And even if I did, it would have been massively inappropriate for him to have been there 24/7.

Mad - so you were lying about a medical reason. Want is not the same as need.

Tell you what. As there is a high approval rating by the nhs and they are likely to implement this, we will soon find out. Hey? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's a bad idea. Won't know unless we try

With the exception of what has been said with vulnerable women needing their partners support through the night (pay for a private room if this is a the case) I don't really see the point.

DP was with me until pretty late (9 possibly, can't remember exactly) then back again early morning. We both needed our sleep as I'd laboured through the previous night, I'm sure he wouldn't have been able to sleep on a chair next to me, and I needed all the rest I could between attempts at feeding.
My ward was really quite, just me and 2 other women so it would have been possible, but just not necessary.

That said, I don't have any specific issues with it as most of the exams, breastfeeding practice, awkward questions from midwives etc are done during the day anyway, when there are plenty of partners around.

To the questions posed to me a few pages back...

Would I have died had DH not been there - Yes I would have.
Had my DH not been there, what would I have done - I wouldn't have survived.
If I had other children what would we have done - none of my other children are living and I'm not able to have more, DS is an only (and a miracle).

That was why there was a medical need, my life, and to a lesser extent DS', depended on it. I am not prepared to go into my medical issues or to justify myself on here.
Thankfully I live in a country where all hospital treatment is in private rooms, there are no wards where we are. I find it very sad that there is so little respect for what some women go through, anyone who says that there was a need for their husband or partner to be there is shot down or scoffed at, if this is the attitude of those demanding to have no men there, then why should anyone respect that when those people clearly have so little respect for anyone in a different situation? That is a genuine question.

It's a catch 22 situation, unless those who want/need husband's or partners can have private rooms, or those who don't can have them then there will always be a conflict.

Since when were all men gawpers and sexual predators?! If some women would feel uncomfortable with this then I'd support their decision as nobody should be made to feel even more vulnerable and uncomfortable when going through a difficult time but some of the comments on here are ridiculous.

I'm sure 99% of men who would be visiting or staying over only have eyes for their newborn and concern for their wife rather than ogling strange women but the picture being painted here is shocking.

For what it's worth, I had an EMCS and spent a very difficult night on the ward. My baby was vomiting and crying but like others, the midwives didn't have time to attend to our needs. Had my husband been there and not kicked out shortly after the birth then we wouldn't have had such a horrific night.

More staff sounds like the key to this but as that's probably not going to happen, what is the solution?

eminybob the fact that partners are around during the day when the rounds and routine exams are done is wrong in itself, IMO. Visiting hours should be restricted, so that these things can be done first.
As a former nurse and patient, restricted visiting hours work best, even if they're, say, from 12-9, so at least the mornings are free for the routine work to be carried out and patients to have their showers in peace.

Tartan, I think you're a wee bit optimistic about 99% there.
In any case, some of don't want to be exposed to that risk.
And yes, more staff is the key, and possibly more private rooms and facilities for those patients with high needs (CS, blood transfusions, etc)

Noeff - that's what it was on our maternity ward. 12-8. for partners. 4-8 for extended family. It worked brilliantly for everyone involved. It guaranteed Drs and midwives had time to attend their needs. Partners had a 4 hour window with their wives alone and family could also visit later when all the major stuff should have been out the way.

During my lengthy stay I needed a transfusion. The looks of disgust at the blood pack from other visitors wasn't pleasant but because I needed it I wasn't allowed to close my curtain for obvious reasons. I was getting treatment. I required 2 pints to get me fit and well again and it was the day after the transfusion I stopped breathing and needed emergency care. Thankfully I was moved to 24 hr 1-2-1 care whilst they figured out what was wrong and my DS was safely in the nursery cared for by midwives. Even if my ex partner was there what could he have done? He wouldn't have been allowed to take my DS home to care for - I was breastfeeding. He couldn't stay to look after him and rightly so. He couldn't have stayed with me I was being tested for MRSA and other infections because I'd fallen ill so rapidly and so badly. On 3 different antibiotics (I think) one IV 2 different tablets I was that unwell. My temp was doing cartwheels on the chart and my heart beat so fast they called in heart specialist and had me scanned and all sorts.

It was scary but I managed and came out the other end of that because the staff were able to do their jobs and they were amazing. I did all that alone because ex P was an arse. Did I mention he kicked off when he came to see me in isolation because they wouldn't let him see DS without me? Yeah... Security had to send him home. I could tell you all he was an OK guy. He was. I'd never once seen him kick off like that. But he did.

My first birth was an utterly awful induction. I gave birth just before midnight and my partner stayed. I was incapable of looking after me or my baby. So were the nurses it seemed. My partner being there prevented serious complications. My partner is female. If that makes any difference to anything.