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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dads staying over night

458 replies

silverperiwinkle · 08/08/2015 16:53

What do you think?
m.burtonmail.co.uk/Burton-Queen-s-Hospital-introduce-scheme-allow/story-27564928-detail/story.html

OP posts:
themadwoman · 10/08/2015 19:29

Nothing wrong with unpaid auxiliaries. They can make the staffs lives easier

oddfodd · 10/08/2015 19:43

TheMother - what on earth was your husband able to do that a HCP wasn't? I don't have a husband or partner. Would I have died if I were you?

DustBunnyFarmer · 10/08/2015 19:47

what on earth was your husband able to do that a HCP wasn't?

Let's face it, all HCP have had more hand-washing/infection control/manual handling etc training than Joe Public. Another good reason to staff the wards properly.

MissBattleaxe · 10/08/2015 19:47

Nothing wrong with unpaid auxiliaries. They can make the staffs lives easier

This beggars belief ^^. This is a hospital we are talking about. Using unqualified visitors to make the staff's lives easier is dangerous and unethical.

I'm amazed I have to even explain that.

noeffingidea · 10/08/2015 19:49

themadwoman there's plenty wrong with unpaid auxilliaries. In fact, they can actually be dangerous.
If you're in hospital you need professional care and observation. That's the whole point of them.

MissBattleaxe · 10/08/2015 19:55

In fact madwoman, I'll tell you what will make the staff's lives easier- more staff! (paid and trained)

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 19:58

TheMother: medical need what nonsense. Unless your DH also happened to be your doctor, then there was no "medical need." It was what you wanted, and what made staff lives easier. What if you didn't have DH? What if you had other children he has to stay with? Would you have died? Clearly not.

DustBunnyFarmer · 10/08/2015 19:59

It's a shame that MN doesn't have an 'ignore poster' option, but it is possible to train yourself to overlook some posts.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 10/08/2015 20:00

Themadwoman, it's dangerous opinions like yours that will be the end of the NHS. Nurses should be able to care for their patients, not leave that to family whilst they get more paperwork. That's their job, foremost and primarily. Not your 'D'husband's at the expense of others around you. What next for public services? Fix our own roads? Police our own streets? You know, anything to take the pressure off those who are trained and paid to do it.

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 20:02

DustBunny, what's the point of AIBU if we only read the posts in which people agree with us? I don't understand your point I'm afraid.

DustBunnyFarmer · 10/08/2015 20:04

Some people have differing points of view and it is interesting to hear them. Other people are just goady fuckers and arguing with them just encourages them. I don't have any problem with the former group, even if I don't share their POV. The latter group? A waste of bandwidth.

Maltesermom · 10/08/2015 20:18

I would have liked to have DP stay with me. After DS1 we left the hospital after 3 hours as i was petrified of being without my DP. He was my rock all through labour and i didn't want him to go, so we went home for the recovery x

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 20:18

In what way am I being goady, please? I assume you're referring to me

CaptainHolt · 10/08/2015 20:21

Nothing wrong with unpaid auxiliaries. They can make the staffs lives easier

Nothing? Not infection control issues, or the fact that they may be violent offenders, drug users or alcoholics or just dickheads? Not the fact that they are untrained, exhausted, don't know the layout of the wards and have no separate 'auxiliary' toilets, washing facilities, lockers, eating areas? Not the fact that instead of actually working, they are likely to be talking, either to the woman they are 'caring' for or on the phone adding to the noise levels in a way actual staff don't. How about the fact that there is not enough room for them to stay in the bays 24 hours a day, or that safe staffing levels shouldn't be calculated on having enough partners who don't have other children to look after at home or jobs to go to or sleep to catch on. Should mws be asking 'have you sorted childcare for dc1 and arranged for someone to be your unpaid auxiliary?". How about the issue that incessant badgering from partners, sorry, 'unpaid auxiliaries' wanting x/y/z for their 'patient' as well as staff trying to act as unpaid referees in domestic arguments, unpaid security guards to protect other patients, and work around the unpaid auxiliary's stretched out legs, bags, etc. while they do their paid work as HCPs? Nothing? Or are you just a goady fucker?

shouldnthavesaid · 10/08/2015 20:22

Why is it so essential on a maternity ward but not on a medical ward? I look after adults having brain surgery, spinal surgery, all sorts. Unless the patient is at the very end stages of their life, or suffering with severe learning disabilities, we wouldn't allow anyone to stay at all. I've never had a patient tell me they're too frightened to stay, and need their husband with them 24/7. The day someone does, I would realise I was obviously not doing my job right. What's different in maternity care?

Where do you draw the line anyway? Does a single mum get to take her best friend in for the night, because everyone else can take their partner?

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 20:27

Captain and Shouldn't, both excellent posts.
One only need look at the Relationships board on here to know that lots of people unfortunately have partners who are horrid. Why should I be forced into sharing a ward with them?
For those saying you wouldn't cope: don't be so precious. Yes you would. We all do.

themadwoman · 10/08/2015 20:40

No. Some women genuinely can't cope. You can't speak for all women

Maltesermom · 10/08/2015 21:01

I think that is a bit harsh chickchickquack. You actually do not 'know' what i went through or other MN's for that matter.

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 21:08

I had a very traumatic time having DC1. But I still had to cope on my own.
TheMad, so back to the question you're avoiding: what about women with no partner? Who just have to "cope"?

quesadillas · 10/08/2015 21:09

If a woman genuinely can't cope because of a physical or mental problem, then that should be dealt with by appropriate use of private rooms. However, these are limited - six beds out of around 60 are private on my ward. Or a woman who can't cope with a ward situation should, as far as possible, be encouraged to try a home birth or birthing centre, only coming into the ward if absolutely necessary.

A friend of mine had her second baby about 18 months ago. He had a major and frightening problem at birth and has had medical issues throughout his life. Her husband was away with the army and was unable to get back. She lived in army accommodation with no family and few friends nearby. She coped because she had to, and without being disrespectful to the minority who are genuinely unable to cope, most women would cope if they had to. Some on here who have said they wouldn't would probably have been able to if the wards were staffed with appropriately trained, paid, experienced and criminal record checked staff. And this is what worries me - the reduction in services to save money. The expectation that partners will fill the gap, which leaves the single, widowed and those whose partners can't be there for e.g. childcare or work reasons at a major disadvantage. I will be one of those women disadvantaged by this policy being in place at my hospital. Except I refuse to be disadvantaged. If I need help, I will be making sure I get it. I have a voice, I know how to use it. if I piss people off, so be it. I'm completely against this policy, and if I suffer because of it, the hospital will damn well know about it.

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 21:09

And as I've said, if staying alone is really too much for some, then go home or pay to go private. Those who can't cope shouldn't impact me by forcing me into having to share a ward with a strange man. If you're so ill that you can't do anything at all then you'd be in a private room anyway. So just get on with it for heavens sake.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 10/08/2015 21:10

Most women can. Your partner can't always be there for you, has to be a point where you have to cope. If you can't cope that badly, for a few hours, I'd say you need medical care more than anyone.....

DustBunnyFarmer · 10/08/2015 21:11

In what way am I being goady, please? I assume you're referring to me

You assumed wrong, Chick. Read back a few pages (as well as this one) and you'll see.

ChickChickQuack · 10/08/2015 21:16

Fair enough, Dust. Sorry.

themadwoman · 10/08/2015 21:18

There is something a trifle odd about this. MN is full of threads about unsupportive dh's who don't do anything, yet when they support mothers after giving birth they shouldn't be allowed. Make your mind up