To ask you honestly would you have had children again?

[Behonestplease]

If you could live your life over, would you have more children, less children, no children?

No. I love them but the constant neediness and responsibility that comes with motherhood was harder than I coud ever have imagined - and it just gets harder into the teenage years. I'm worried for their futures, worried about the world I've brought them into. Worried for their safety every time they leave the house. Will they ever be able to leave home? Will dh and I ever get our 'time'? (we had children young). Will I just get 'myself' back and then feel obligated to help with grandchildren?

I gave birth to my son 15 years ago yesterday. He was born when we were in our early 30s. Only child by choice.

I wouldn't change a thing.

We are still waiting for a Kevin transformation to happen. If it does .... there may be a period when I change my mind about the above.

No I wouldn't. Much as I love them.

nope! and i only have one

bloody thankless job childrearing

So sorry to hear about your dd Mrsdevere

"Just realised, I wouldn't send dd2 back! I'd just send her asd back. I would love her to have a lovely, uncomplicated and anxiety-free life...."

That's a bit of a contradiction though. You can't magic away the inconvenient parts of someone's brain. If I sent my kids' autism and Down's syndrome away, they wouldn't be my kids. I don't regret having either of them for a second. Yeah, it's sometimes tough, but they're both wonderful. I would have them all over again. I wouldn't want 'perfect' kids in their place.

Some of you sound quite severely depressed, btw. If you find yourself having suicide ideation let alone thoughts of killing your kids, please see a doctor.

Oh god yes, I would have them again, and more if I had been able to have them younger.

I would have the same again, only later. DS1 arrived less then a year after we got married. I wish I had enjoyed my size 10s and healthy bank balance for a year or two before getting pregnant.

If I had fallen pregnant at 22 when we first started ttc I would have liked 4.

As it is I have two teens now after many years of infertility. I had the first at 39 which is when we had Originally said our family would be complete.

Cancer is not part of personality or neurology though, is it? Autism isn't something that lands on a person like a curse from a bad fairy at the christening; it's the way they develop in the womb. If you'd rather your child was different, I can't judge that (I know autism isn't easy) but it's meaningless to want to minus it from the equation that is a human being. It's like saying, I'd like my son to be the exact same person, oh but with a different head please.

No it isn't it's like saying "I would like my child's life to be less of a struggle". I love him just as he is but the rest of the world doesn't and that makes life difficult for him.

Screaming at people because he can't find his pencil isn't an interesting character quirk, it's a problem for him because people find him hard to deal with then. When he is in a good phase and isn't having screaming meltdowns, he is still him, and other people can get to know who he is and relate to him more.

I don;t want him to be popular or perfect just have fewer struggles. Obviously its irrelevant what I want - he is who he is and we're trying different strategies to help him by your rules we wouldn't be doing that because it would be wanting him to be different

They are fascinating issues. There are pro deaf people who argue it's a superior condition and that sign language is better/ above ordinary language and that they would actively seek to conceive a deaf over a hearing child. (I have never understood that attitude for an instance but it is certainly out there and I suspect most people with a child with severe autism would prefer their child didn't have it).

Mrs de verse

I would go back in a minute and have more, we have one ds, not by choice but by circumstance. But then I think I am so fortunate to have had the experience of having this little person and getting to know him that I focus on what I do have rather than what might have been

No, Not unless I had screening to spot the chromosome deletion. Disability, even neuro/MH and looking 'normal' to outsiders is hard work. If I had known, no. I wouldn't. I have sacrificed far far more than I ever would.

Being a carer is a lonely lonely existence.

Yes - I have two and would probably have enjoyed having another one but too late now... am grateful for what I do have :)

I'd have had two more (always wanted 4). It's the man I shouldn't have had

"Add message | Report | Message poster MrsDeVere Sat 08-Aug-15 18:55:59
Frankly its bloody insulting to imply that parents who aren't happy that their children are autistic want 'perfect' children."

That's interesting because I'm insulted by the notion you could remove the autism without removing the essence of the person. Life will be hard for my daughter with Down's syndrome too, but how could I wish the Down's syndrome taken away without losing so much of her that she's not her? It's the same with my son's autism. Ah well, we'll have to agree to disagree.

Yes, I have three & they have enriched my life so much. I wouldn't change a thing.

I would have stopped at 2 but l have 3 and love them all..