To ask you honestly would you have had children again?

[Behonestplease]

If you could live your life over, would you have more children, less children, no children?

I think I'm the opposite to most on here.
Never regret having my kids but wish I'd started later. I have teens and smallies. Much prefer the younger baby years but wish I travelled, bought house etc first.

Ah thanks for replies I think you're right that it's better to look back much later. I am MUCH happier now than I was 2-3 years ago so that is something to be grateful for. I think sometimes when you've found things tough for a while it then becomes habit to look at the negatives.

I think the company thing is the killer for me. I'm an extrovert, I love people. Absolutely fascinated by them, adore company in general. I could just hang out forever with my mum, sister, friends, husband. Even my half brother who is 14 years younger. But DS is somehow so draining that it's really confusing to me. I mean, one of the main reasons I wanted to have children was because I found children, especially, as developing people, endlessly fascinating. And he is sometimes, but then at others v. fighty, negative, whiny, no notion of personal space or ability to not be moving or making noise at all times. I suppose it just took me by surprise. Perhaps the difference is just that I never had to spend all of my time with other people before.

I have done everything I said I never would...Xbox, mcdonalds and bribery

Ooh three kittens! Now those I can be jealous of

I don't mind the bathroom visits so much. It was 3-5 which I found hardest. Luckily DS is much improved at 6 :) He does tend to understand the notion of needing space now. And he can read which is the best thing ever.

I'd start earlier and have more!

I think you have just been through the hardiest years Bertie , it does get a lot easier, ds is now 10 and he is a wee joy.....well most of the time!

When they are younger there is just no reasoning with them, they want what they want when they want it

Incentives....I must remember that, sounds so much better

If I can just watch Real Housewives you can go on the xbox

I have three. Love them all immensely and am very close to no 3. However in hindsight I'd stick to two. I feel spread thin a lot. I struggle with the work life balance and financially no 3 pushes us over the edge. Whenenver one isn't there I find it a lot easier.

Yes definitely. I can deal with babies and toddlers... there's a sort of logic to their behaviour if you see it from their point of view. But 3-5 are just so reactionary and sometimes impossible. I do think different people find different bits hard, though.

When I say I wish I'd started earlier, I mean by just a couple of years. Enough time that I'd have had my third at the age I actually had my second. I wouldn't give up my carefree 20s for anything - actually, had I known how restrictive children would be, I'd have done a lot more with them.

Mind you, My increasing calmness could have something to do with my increasing wine intake

Bertie

I find the "have to" difficult. I like spending time with people but I crave nobody bothering me.
that went out the window 14 years ago!

Do you remember the dialogue in Desperate Housewives between the pg 1st time mum and Lynette Scavo, when she tells her all the hard core truths about motherhood?
It is one of my favourite scenes ever, here's the end bit:

Peggy: "You know most women say this is the greatest experience of their life"

Lynette: "Most women are liarsy mother was a liar and her mother was a liar and your mother is a liar.
It's a lie every generation tells the next so they can get grandchildren.

Peggy (bewildered): "Please stop talking to me"

Lynette: "No, you need to hear this. You have to be prepared.
Your children will hit you and steal from your purse (...) And here's the kicker, for the rest of your life there will be many moments when you feel lonely, but you will never be alone"

Yes, my daughters are my life, they mean everything to me.

My life would be pointless without my children. Just wish I'd picked a better man to be their father.

Wow. Never watched Desperate Housewives but perhaps I should! :)

Bertie

You should, it's hilarious

yep!
I miss it

See, I both wish that I could have had a couple more children, AND really wish that I could have focused on my career and done more. Even with just one child I found that I haven't had the time to really progress my career, I'm just treading water. DD is almost 12, and I still think it will be a few more years before I can really put in the hours needed to progress at work.

So - I need an alternate universe where I can have kids AND a proper career.

I'm not sure if I'd have more, my situation doesn't fit the usual boxes.
I have 1dd who is 15 and lives with her DF and paternal GPS. She lives with them because I wasn't able to take care of her when my dd2 died. A lot went on after dd2s death and resulted in me running away from her father (different Dad than dd1s) who I was married to. I felt that due to the terrible home situation dd1 was better off with her Dad.
Now I am divorced but haven't managed to get a place of my own yet. I would not want to take dd1 away from her friends and school and she is a lovely girl but she lives a very long way from me so I hardly see her.
Dd2 was 17 months when she died and I don't think I'll ever get over it.
So I'm currently on my own and really unsure about having more children, really unsure about men as well. exh was abusive and now I'm still a little scared of getting too close to anyone.Maybe I'll meet someone nice and have another child but I doubt it. Having said that I dont regret having dd1 so young. I had a lot of help from her Dad and his parents so she is doing well.

That's very sad sugar. My heart goes out to you. Hope you find happiness again xx

Thank you maggie

I'm sorry all that happened to you Sugar-it really is very sad. Remember that your daughter is still your daughter-even though she lives elsewhere-she will still be your daughter when she is an adult. Keep taking an interest in her and giving your support and love, she lives apart from you because of circumstances but you are her Mum.

Sugar

I am so sorry xx