To ask you honestly would you have had children again?

[Behonestplease]

If you could live your life over, would you have more children, less children, no children?

Sons 2 months old and right now I can say I wouldn't want anymore. But who knows in a few years time

Obviously my life is way harder by having children (esp as DC 1 has SN) but at the end of the day, I would not do anything different. I think you need to ask older people who have grown up children rather than those in the thick of it.

I have 3, no family support apart from DH, I work full time doing a job I love. Hard work, not much money, but that never put me off. I had mine at a good time, was 30 with my first and my career was stable. I probably missed a couple of promotions by having 3 (but number 3 is an absolute joy) but I will be working another 30 years, plenty of time to get to the top!

drudge I talk to her on Skype and she will be coming to see me with her Dad and GPs in a couple of weeks. Then she will be starting her GCSE years, so I am really hopeful that she can get good marks. I have saved a bit and will take her to buy some school things, even though I'm told she doesn't need any.

Sugar, I too am sad to read your story. Can I ask why you haven't considered moving near to your dd?

You will always be her Mum, Sugar-no-one can replace you.

(But I could do without DC1's autism)

HowD I have considered it but at the moment logistics prevent me. Dd1 and her DFs family moved up to the North East quite a while back and I'm the other end of the country in the south west. Finances are not good and I live in the hotel where I work, even filling up the car is difficult at the moment. For the time being I will stay here and try to save enough for a place of my own and then see what to do.

sugar
so sorry for your loss
(big hugs)

Thank you Zing

Zukiecat, you said that your 'daughters are your life' - am I wrong, I thought you also have a son?

Zukiecat- welcome back, haven't "seen" you for ages. .

Another thrilled to see you zukiecat I recall from long ago threads that it's a long and unhappy tale

Regarding the ASD comments. DH and i both have things which we feel are part of us. Ie we don't know where one starts and 'us' ends. I have Bipolar (and am a very 'creative' person) and DH has Dyslexia and probable mild ASD and SPD. We have spoken at length about how we would not like these things to be 'cured' or whether we would even be 'us' without them.

However, that didn't stop my heart breaking into a million pieces when i was told ds1 had ASD and SPD. Altho i can now see how quirky aspects of him are probably more the symptoms of these, i still think of them as 'him'. He just wouldn't have been him without them. That doesn't stop my soul aching when i see him 'playing' and other children being very different to him. And it certainly doesn't stop me wanting to turn peoples faces inside out when they tut and stare and shake their heads, when we are just trying to eat in a cafe or he is doing something 'not mainstream' like carrying cartons of milk round the park and lining them up .

I would defo swap them both for any children who, just, for the love of god bloody sleep, tho.

It is a fascinating issue over what makes us us. Probably most of us would not think being deaf or blind or unable to speak or walk enhances the life of a child so much we'd actively want them to have those problems.

If instead someone just happens to be shy or out going or a bit compulsive over getting their homework done or totally relaxed I am sure we just accept that is the difference within people. However if it is so severe it means they will never form relationships, marry, have children, live without assistance then probably on the whole most parents would prefer if their child did not suffer that but it's a very personal decision and view and we cannot really fairly criticise others with different views on the topic.

clean, my dh lost his sister when she was 11 so became an only child and hated it. He (and I) still only wanted 2 ourselves.

If I had my time again I wouldn't have dc, much as I love them.

I find parenting adults difficult. No one prepares you for that.

I'd have more and have started earlier too, but starting as late as we did means we can now work less and spend more time with them (in theory, not actually happened yet...)

Yes, definitely. However it's been a relatively easy ride so far. I also worry about whether I'll be able to parent adequately as they get older.

The quietness thing upthread is an interesting point. I have a toddler and a baby, and have noticed in the past few months that I hugely appreciate silence on the rare occasion I get it. A few years back, I preferred background noise such as TV or radio. Could be parenthood, could be getting older.