To ask you honestly would you have had children again?

[Behonestplease]

If you could live your life over, would you have more children, less children, no children?

I would have the two I've got exactly as they are plus another one, but I'd choose a different father for them.

I have two teenagers who are an absolute delight and love them to bits so would always have them.

But God, I hated being the mother of small children. I hated the tiredness, being called "mum" by everyone like teachers at school so I felt I wasn't a person any more. The baggage and organisational nightmare that was involved in getting out of the door and constantly feeling like I'd forgotten something.

I would do it all exactly the same. Life, career and fun first. 2 girls 2 years apart in my 30s. Wouldn't change a thing.

weasel totally agree about the "mum" thing and losing your identity. I wanted to yell at adults who referred to me as "mum" when with the dcs. - I HAVE A NAME! I AM A PERSON!

In a heartbeat. I adore being a mum, nothing else in life comes close. Ds learned to ride his bike without stabilisers yesterday and the look on his face when he did it was priceless - their successes and accomplishments feel like you're experiencing it yourself.

I would like more (we have one) but dh doesn't want more as he's 10 years older and has two other teenage daughters too.

glittering
so sorry about your loss.

I was 34 when I had my MC.
throughout the next pg with DS5 I was holding my breath (didn't help that the due date with 2 days away from due date of the baby who couldn't be born) and now I look at him and it was all worth it. he is the happiest child in the world, and I'm so glad I got brave.

I was 35 when he was born, 37 when DD was born and almost 40 when DS6 was born
you definitely still have time.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
(fx if you go for it! )

I would definitely have the ones I birthed and would choose not to raise the ones I didn't birth unless I had them from day one.

If I knew everything back then I know now I would have to say No. My DC was very wanted but since they were born my life has been dreadful and I have the prospect of another 8 years of hell until they can become legally independent. Much of this is due to their father and his abusive behaviour, our utterly incompetent family courts and sadly my DC's own special needs. Some diagnosed but many not. Dealing with supposed professionals who neither have the interest to help or the funds is exhausting. The very little upside isn't worth all of the mess. I do love my DC but had almost come to terms with infertility when a treatment finally worked. I do my best for them but am very hollow inside about it all.

3dc. Has been much much tougher than I ever imagined - especially when they were small. With dc1 I frequently wondered what I'd done. Dh is not the father I took for granted he would be. But I am coming out the other side and things feel better and the dc are amazing and make my life richer in so many ways. So would not change that.
But I would swap out ds2's disability. Have spent 9 years looking after him and the older he gets the more difficult it is. If he gets to secondary school I'll have to look into residential schools as I can't continue like this through my 50s (and beyond assuming we get there).

I have 2 and is have more. If I could have my time again, I'd be more careful with money in my younger years so I could afford more as it is finances that have made us stop at 2. I always wanted 4 but I Count my blessings every day as I have a lovely DS and DD.

Multiple MC and a still born DS mean my mum didn't get long with her grandchildren. Dd1 was only 4 months old and she never met dd2.
This was all out of my control though. I wouldn't have changed a thing we've done. Always wanted 2, now have two. Although, I'm now secretly hoping for an accidental third!

No, I wouldn't :( I'm not any good at being a mum, so I think it would be better if I didn't have a child relying on me. And that makes me undescribably sad, but it's true,

I would always have my children again, as although sometimes it's been hard over the years, they are the best of me. I enjoy watching them grow up and become young women with the world at their feet. I don't enjoy the teenage moodiness that much, but swings and roundabouts!

I wouldn't choose their father however, who doesn't deserve them.

I agree with MrsDV and MaryZ. I have a child with profound autism and SN. I would do ANYTHING to take that away from them. It is such a barrier to knowing my child (they have zero language/ communication) and I get glimpses of this fantastic little personality which is in there somewhere.

So removing the disability would take away nothing intrinsic to them but actually liberate them into being their true self. And remove the massive, massive difficulties every day brings them.

individuals with ASD who speak about neurodiversity make interesting points about themselves and others like them but they are a very selective group of people with ASD and I can't emphasise how much they do not speak for my child.

I can't understand why a poster would take issue with another parent's wish to make their own child's life easier. Unless they are taking it personally somehow which would of course be very much their issue to deal with.

I have two ds's, born when I was 21 and 23 (28 now).

If I had the chance again (and could guarantee having the same dc) I would have waited longer.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. At 21 (and dh 23) I thought I knew everything. Now, when I hear of 21 year olds starting a family it sounds ridiculously young to change your life so drastically!

I have three DDs, if I could make a change I would have them all earlier - eight years would be perfect - and have a fourth healthy DD within 18months of DD3.

No children

their successes and accomplishments feel like you're experiencing it yourself

At DS1's graduation, he and girlfriend (now DIL) and their classmates looking all very smart in their caps and gowns, I said to him that if he was proud of himself for putting in the work for 3 years to get a degree, think how much prouder I was because I'd put in the work for 21 years to make a graduate!

Mrs DV I am with you all the way on these issues (including preferring posts which are not very nice against me when they happen not to be removed). My deaf analogy was a similar issue.

I think it depends on the severity of the "problem". if it is just that one child is shy and one is not or one is good at detail and the other not and might be at a very mild end of an autism spectrum then that's fine. I have once grown child slightly dyslexic who did very very well in exams and just makes sure she spell checks things. Her brain works in an interesting and clever way and she is very successful which probably links to the dyslexia but it was so mild it wasn't even worth treating so I would put that in the category of fine would not need or want it changed, just part of her. Whereas if I had a child who couldn't be independent or would find it hard to fit into the world I think I would want that same child but without that condition/issue. That would not mean I was rejecting my child.

However as everyone acknowledges on the thread parents differ and are entitled to their own views. Reputable does not wish her child did not have Down's syndrome. That is her view. We just have to accept people have different views on the topic and most of us love our children whatever their issues or problems whether we'd wish away the problem or not.

I had DS at 34. Really glad I waited a bit, DH and I worked our arses off in our twenties and played hard. Travelled the world, did some incredible stuff.
By the time DS arrived I didn't feel I had missed out on anything.

Jesus reputable!

Totally agree with mrdv.
Reputable...your argument (such as it was) had been completely negated by your hideous personal attack.
Generally people lose the moral high ground when they resort to name calling and swearing.