7 year old independence

[Loric]

My 7 year turns 8 in September. We're going on holiday to a caravan the week before. I've brought him a £20 mobile phone so when we go he can be free range on the caravan site but I can still get hold of him. I've always been extremely strict with him but I feel like he's old enough and mature enough to have some freedom. I mentioned the phone to a friend and explained why I got and she started a 2 hour tirade about how he's to young to own a phone. It's not a smart phone but 10 years ago it would of been an all singing all dancing phone. Now its laughable it's a samsung clamshell phone that I suppose can access the Internet but it's that old school hyperlinks in blue that takes 10 mins per page to load. She's really knocked my confidence on the whole thing. We're away till the 5th of September he starts the local junior school on the 8th which is a whole new picking up routine where we meet them at the gate rather from individual classes so I feel like he should start having some independence. Aibu to let my son have the phone e both on holiday and on days at school (turned off and hidden till he leaves school grounds) where people other then me are picking him up?

I live in London and let my dd go to the corner shop on her own, it is two doors down from our house tho and we have lived here for years. There is no way on gods earth I would let her out on her own in a caravan park full of strangers! The thought makes me feel ill! If you're happy you're son will be safe then fine, just make sure he knows how to tell when the tide is coming in, and how to orientate himself on the beach so he doesn't get lost.As others have said it does sound a bit miserable for him though - maybe buy him a dog!

We've just got back from a caravan holiday and ds1 is 7, 8 in January.

This is the most freedom he's been allowed as he made a couple of friends and we let him go and explore the site with them. There was a park, football pitch and tennis court, all within a 5 minute walk and he had watch, and had to check in every 40 minutes or so.

I can't really see the point of a phone...he wasn't going far enough to need one and could have run back within a couple of minutes.

I wouldn't let him go to the beach on his own and tbh think that's really irresponsible.

I agree with Aero...ds2 is 5 and no way would I allow him to range free and unsupervised on a camp site.

There is a huge difference between a 5 year old and 7 year old in terms of sense. We go camping and caravanning a lot and the amount of 3-5 year olds out alone always shocks me...why would you think that is a good idea?

Scandinavian countries are set up for very young children's independence. There is more of a community working toward it. My sister's children live in Norway, my neices walked with other children. They are expected too, and so( as l was saying) society around them helps accommodate it. Same actually with my cousins in Switzerland. Little children in Japan.

British society and culture is not the same.
It works more independently, and this, in my opinion is why lots of us are uneasy with letting smaller children roam.

YABU

Either you trust your dc in a particular environment or you don't. Having a mobile shouldnt have anything to do with it. Personally I wouldn't let a 7/8 year old near a beach without adult supervision.

Have you really thought this through? So you've given him a mobile and you'll call him at reagular intervals? What will you do if he doesnt answer it? Or loses it? Or forgets to ring you when he should?

There seem to be 2 extremes these days reagarding childrens independence. Either parents allow their dc more freedom than is appropriate for their age with the proviso that having a phone makes it 'ok'. OR parents are so over protective they don't allow a 10/11/12 year old out of their sight or leave them at home alone for a short while. Where's the middle ground?

Children need to be taught the skills they need to be out alone and to build up gradually. How to cross roads, what to do when things go wrong etc. I teach visually impaired children mobility and orientation skills and you'd be amazed at how many sighted children don't know how to use different types of road crossings, where to look when crossing a side road or how to read a bus timetable. Parents are spending less time teaching these things because we're becoming too dependent on mobile phones.

dancer totally agree.
My 16 year old has (obviously) unlimited freedom. Sometimes l can't help but remind him of something safety related. I'll see him roll his eyes... "Mum, you've been telling me how to deal with things since l can remember!" and l think that is it. It is gradual. Teaching and reminding as the years go by. When teen years come, at least you know you've done your best... Bit by bit.

At seven, eight, nine... He wasn't out of my sight!

At 16 I had a lot if freedom, clubbing, going to mates, shopping taking the tube etc. it's not that I want to have DC tied to my apron strings. At 12/13 I woukd expect them to be gaining independence for themselves and woukd support that. Not when they are still young children. gosh even though, I woukd still be wares of my 5/6 year old walking without me, they are still very young and don't really have the skills to fully take responsibility for their safety.

My dd8 has ASD and dev delays so her safety awareness is not very good at all, but I always teach her road safety, where to go for help if she's out. Out alone at the moment, noway, not even in our front garden as it has a busy main road in front of it.

Yes, true Aero.
I have an almost 12 year old, he is gaining more and more freedom. It is slightly different with him as he has an additional need, (working memory issue) so his freedoms are tailored - slightly.
Our youngest is only six. Speaks for itself

Cross post.

*ed

It's hard Goshwhen you have a child with SN, we have a shop just 3 mins walk away, not crossing busy main road. I most certainly woukd allow her to the shop by herself and back by such a time if she did not have ASD and high anxiety.

Areo it is hard.
for you.

Aero the extra wait for your SN child to achieve milestones that their peers conquered easily is very hard but the sense of pride and joy felt when they achieve it makes up for that I find. Ds 20 and dd 12 both have autism and the usual co morbids. At 17 ds couldn't cope with public transport at all,too many uncertainties I think.His specialist school spent a whole term just waiting at the bus stop until he felt able to get on a bus but now at 20 he travels independently by bus 25 miles to get to college three times a week. Dd always had to be met at the door of her classroom, in year six we had a plan for me to move back from the door,initially her teacher had to bring her to me but by the end of the year she could meet me at the car. We break everything down into tiny steps and in time they get there and your dd will too I'm positive of that.

Yes gosh and insanity,it is isent it. At the moment my friends 8 year olds don't go on their own, but tgere will come a time when that will change and they will be more independent than dd. she can make toast and butter it, and her self help skills are getting better and better . She goes to a SS where they work on this and community safety. The other day I was out with her, she just crossed the road without looking despite me doing the green crisis code millions of times. I do want her to be independent adult.

Fantastic about your ds and dd insanity I want dd to do that even learn to drive later on.

OP, wht you suggest sems to much to soon to me.

My 8 yo (9 in Oct) and I have been camping alone since he was 6. We have gradually extended the area in which he is allowed to play when on site. I have always told him that if he sticks to his boundaries they will get wider, if not, they will get smaller.

This year on a large family campsite, he has been allowed to the play area (out of sight of the tent) and toilet block - approx 100 yards away. He was told not to go to other peoples tents or anywhere else without checking with me first. He did as asked. I checked on him from a distance every 20-30 mins unless he popped back for something.

We also went to camp bestival this year. I accompanied him to the toilet as it was a good walk. He was allowed to play 4 tents up and to the bottom of the slope - in view of the tent. He made friends with some boys 3 and 4 tents up. When he wanted to play around the corner at someones tent, I checked where, told him to go no further and checked him every 20 mins or so. Again he did as he was asked.

This summer he has begun calling for a friend on the next street. He is not yet allowed to the park as this involves crossing a busy road and has lots of bigger kids hanging about. Maybe next year.

I might get him a basic phone for christmas.

There is no way on this earth he would be allowed on the beach alone.

Seems a bit sad that he would be expected to go to the beach alone anyway. Why not go with him?

Just because I can see him doesnt mean I want to be standing on the porch hollering at him and disturbing other people. Maybe that's normal for you but not around here.

You wouldn't have to holler at all if you went with him.

When I was 8 we went on holiday where we stayed in a cottage which you could access the beach from the back of it. When we'd come back from a day out I would go and play on the beach there while my mum and dad were in the house sorting out evening meal, looking after my baby sister etc. I can't remember if they called out of the back door for me but I ended up back in the house. I can't see a mobile phone would have been a good idea as I would have had nowhere to put it. I probably had a watch on though I suppose.
I wasn't left to my own devices much but I enjoyed a bit of time on my own.

Aero - I can see him if I go outside, but not from inside my house. It's quite normal for kids to play outside here though and there are lots of children playing.

Same with a campsite - lots of children playing, and a small site without much in the way of traffic rather than a big holiday park.

carried a 5 year old! Sorry, yes I agree it is up to you, but also your responsibility if something goes wrong, and you will be judged I am afraid. Five is no age, at that age you are placing full responsibility for their safety onto them, no why the rush to make our children grow up. They have plenty of time for independence. Carried there is no reason why you cannot get a chair and sit outside or be in the front room watching your ds.

You cannot fully trust a 5 year old, you think they are safety concious, no they are just little. Like that experiment in the park, it would take for a stranger to come up to your ds in the campsite or in the street, and lead him away is entirely possible.

I love all the "but he's 8! Of course he should have a phone; surely he's allowed go to the park alone??!" Why do people always assume parks are idyllic havens where kids are perfectly safe alone?
Lots of London parks are magnets for drunks / homeless people / general weirdos, even in the supposedly "nice" (ie. expensive) areas.

The chance of a stranger leading him away in the street is so minimal it's not really something I worry about tbh.

That's up to you, 5 is very very young, you do need to be supervising.