7 year old independence

[Loric]

My 7 year turns 8 in September. We're going on holiday to a caravan the week before. I've brought him a £20 mobile phone so when we go he can be free range on the caravan site but I can still get hold of him. I've always been extremely strict with him but I feel like he's old enough and mature enough to have some freedom. I mentioned the phone to a friend and explained why I got and she started a 2 hour tirade about how he's to young to own a phone. It's not a smart phone but 10 years ago it would of been an all singing all dancing phone. Now its laughable it's a samsung clamshell phone that I suppose can access the Internet but it's that old school hyperlinks in blue that takes 10 mins per page to load. She's really knocked my confidence on the whole thing. We're away till the 5th of September he starts the local junior school on the 8th which is a whole new picking up routine where we meet them at the gate rather from individual classes so I feel like he should start having some independence. Aibu to let my son have the phone e both on holiday and on days at school (turned off and hidden till he leaves school grounds) where people other then me are picking him up?

I've got no issue with the phone. I will give my ds who is the same age a basic phone, programmed to call me or dh only snd definitely no internet access, when he starts to go to the park alone etc.

However, there is no way in hell I'd let him go to the beach alone for quite a few years yet. If I were you, I'd build his independence more gradually. My ds, also 8 in September, goes to the corner shop alone. When we are out in familiar places he is allowed to go off and play.in your situation I would let him play on the caravan site but not the beach. And I give ds quite a lot of freedom compared to friends' children. It makes no sense to me to go from one extreme to the other with developing independence.

Also, don't rely completely on the phone for safety. If he's anything like my ds, he won't be reliable at answering it and may well lose it in seconds. Think of it as a back up but don't se d him places you wouldn't be happy with his ability to stay safe, if he didn't have a phone. Make sure he has the skills to cope without it.

You might find that the reception is a bit patchy in that kind of area
Also, why are you going from no independence to massive independence in one step? Surely it's better to build up gradually so you can see how he's coping and deal with problems as they arise?

I've nothing to say about the phone except my eldest would think he's master of the universe if he had a phone -big boy stuff.

However I do live at the coast. ALL the kids know they have free rein to go wherever they like except the beach. If they go to the beach and make it home alive they will die!

come back OP, have the comments changed your mind?

The campsite as you have described it seems fine for my DC of the same age to wander about alone in say, 30 min segments. I have medical issues too but I wouldn't let him to across a bridge to a beach alone. I do understand you don't want to have to chase him about, but due to the reasons people have said, you cant rely on the phone to keep him safe (he might lose it/get cut off by the tide/fall on rocks etc)

It will be a thrill to be allowed to explore the site by himself, I would let that be it for this summer, don't rush it. That in itself will be a good preparation for the new school pick up arrangements

I want him to be able to go to the beach alone after the first day (he knows however he's not allowed to paddle without me

Righto...and 7 year olds always do what they're told don't they?! . What happens if he makes friends with some other kids who are paddling and encourage him to join them...?

In the nicest possible way, don't give your child so much credit...7 year olds are unpredictable. For example, I have told my ds over and over again, if he drops his football in the road, don't run and get it. I really thought he understood this but lo and behold, he dropped his ball and attempted to run to get it..luckily I spotted him before he got off the pavement and dragged him back but the point is, we think they are trustworthy but its not always the case.

Beaches are one of the most dangerous places IMO for children..don't have such a rose tinted view of the past...I'm sure there must have been tragedies decades ago of children on beaches...yes the majority were probably fine, but who wants their child to be in the minority?

No way would I let a 7 year old go to the beach alone.

Why should he need a mobile at school , you will be taking him to school and collecting him, he is not allowed to use it in lessons. If there are concerns about his health, school will call you. Tbh, I woulden't be very happy about a 7 year old being free range round the caravan park, he is still very young, I would be looking at that in a few years time mabey. Look, its not worth the risk, accompany him, whilst he is still little, there is still plenty of time for independence. He still needs his parents with him.

The furthest my 8 year old goes on his own is the corner sho, and that's with me stood on the door step watching the whole time.

Shop*

The phone would not matter, the level of independence you are giving a young child is worrying. You can only see in the news of Colney Thompson, he is still very young, and not fully aware of the dangers. DD 8 has a SW as she has ASD, I was telling him that I wish she was like her nt peers, she could go to the park on her own, he told me, even at that age, even if she was nt, she would still need an adult with her.

My dd is 7 in December. No way on this earth would I let her go the beach on her own under the circumstances you have described. But then again, I don't even allow her to play out unless I am watching.

We have a mobile that the kids can use for certain situations but is not their phone....just lent to them as required. I totally regret letting my eldest have a smart phone when she started secondary school. We always said that was when she could have a phone as she travels by public transport and sometimes has to phone for a lift. However, a basic phone would have been fine. Unfortunately we gave her my husbands old phone without realising she could pick up free wifi on it when in the house. She has been glued to it ever since and we have a battle most nights to get her to leave it downstairs. I would not personally choose to start that obsession any younger and my younger 2 are definitely not getting phones before secondary school.

You are seriously trusting a 7 year old on their first outing with independance to do exactly as they are told, away from home? Are you intending to spend any time as a family this holiday or is it your holiday?

yanbu over the phone

yabu to set your child free range in a strnge place including a beach.

It's a modern day dilemma. What's right for you and your child is obviously not right for your friend and hers. 2 different opinions. You've made your choice, just stick to it. Have the courage of your convictions!
HOWEVER if you want my opinion, 8 is too young for a phone, too young to be playing on the beach by themselves, and a phone is definitely not needed in primary school, even with the situation you describe. Your son would be better off knowing what to do if there is no one there to meet him or if they are late. ie going back to the school office and waiting there.

My 8 year old has an old hand me down phone (iPhone 3, it's that old!) that she uses for going out to play.

It is no substitute for the normal rules (time to come back etc) but I find it great for two things - if she goes to the park, and her friends are there and she wants to go back to their house etc, she can phone me and I'll say yes or no. Our golden rule is that she is not allowed to do anything without checking with me first. With a phone, if she's unsure of anything, she can phone and ask. 99% of the time I say yes anyway.

It also had the added bonus that if anyone should try taking her (your mum said you have to come with me) she knows 100% it is a lie, as I would always phone. She knows if anyone tries that with her (or other similar tactic) to run to her nearest "safe house" on the estate and to call me when she gets there.

So I have no problems in letting my child go out and play, and think a phone is a great back up in addition to the other, usual security measures. But like others, I would have a couple of concerns..,

Firstly, whilst I'm very laid back with my children and give them a lot of freedom (DD has been playing out since end of year 1), we did build up to it very slowly as she gained greater maturity and experience and so knew how to do things. So we started with her going to post a letter (almost opposite our house), being allowed to play in the large shared driveway, being allowed to call for friend in the next group of shared driveways (but not going into the road) and so on until she was ready and mature enough to have free reign to go to the park / call on friends. I would be concerned if your son hasn't built up to this, then will he know what to and how to cope with unexpected things..?

And even with the freedom I give my children, I wouldn't allow the beach, unless I was on it myself. I would allow roaming of the campsite (depending on traffic) but I think the beach would be too far for me, and out of my friends I'm usually the liberal one (and I live in an area where everyone sends their kids out to play from the end of year one!)

Seven years old is far too young to be out alone, especially near water. If your don't want to watch him on holiday, hire a sitter.

The phone won't be needed for school as surely you will be taking and collecting. If he gets sick they will call you as usual. High school is very different and they do tend to need a phone there.

So I have no problems in letting my child go out and play, and think a phone is a great back up in addition to the other, usual security measures

Best security measure you can have is going with them!

I agree, you would not leave an 8 year old at home alone, you would not leave them out alone. I would wait a few years, you cannot trust a yiung child with that level of responsibility for their safety. Ok if it was the corner shop you çoukd see, they have to be back by 10 mins, or park where it was in my view, and back by a certain time. For that yiu are looking at 9/10 years.

Seven is extremely young.
I'm really surprised at your proposal actually! There is no rush you know even if you did nothing, kids grow up and get savvy. It is a gradual process. Kids of seven that have unlimited freedom, make it home through luck not skill.
There is an enormous difference in brain development at nine even. My eldest is 17 this year, and has done as he pleased since 15. At seven he wasn't allowed anywhere without a responsible adult. They all get there. no rush.

No way would I let my 7yo have 'free rein' on a caravan site and absolutely not to go to the beach! It's not so much about not trusting her, more that I wouldn't trust the complete strangers staying in the other caravans. Plus, it's a new place that he's not familiar with, he might get that holiday feeling and take risks that he wouldn't normally take.

We went camping and after a few days I would let my 7yo and 5yo walk down to the campsite shop together and back to get bread in the morning, which took all of 10 minutes. To me, that's giving them a little bit of independence. NOT letting them go off for the day on their own!

We went to a campsite with a beach and my DS and his friend age 7 went down to collect shells and stones. They would not have gone in the water. I was a bit at first at the idea as was the other mum but we let them because they are pretty robust boys with a good head on their shoulders. They came back perfectly unscathed.

I would never allow them in the water alone and they wouldn't want to because they are perfectly aware of the dangers the sea holds and wouldn't want to put themselves in any danger.

they are perfectly aware of the dangers the sea holds and wouldn't want to put themselves in any danger

I agree with everyone, allowing a child to go to the beach for an hour alone is just not suitable at all as first step to independence.

Even going to a manned swimming pool with you out of sight would be better than that!

Beaches are waaaay more dangerous than pretty much anywhere you can imagine. A classic scenario which gets the lifeguards out every year is child on a lilo or little boat or paddleboard who then floats out.

Honestly, he's seven, not even eight. Even eight is too young for you not to be easily available.

Having said that I let my 9, nearly 10 year old go out of sight on the beach, I just sit on it in case of emergencies. She plays with other children and I don't watch every second of that time at all. But the point is I can look up, check ok, walk 2 min, sit back down again and so on.

It makes a huge difference if they are a strong swimmer, if they are anything less than really excellent, again it is baffling why this seems ok.

Good first trips out are walking to a friend's house nearby, walking a few hundred yards to school (you can wait behind), then walking to school, walking to the shops and back again. Basically things where they are gone for 10-20 min and you can check with them it went fine.

I would also go through safety around people you don't know on a campsite- so no going into anyone else's caravan without asking, even a friend/other childs.

Small trips around the caravan site would be fine I think- especially if in a gang with other children.

formerbabe and your point is

That you are giving children far too much credit in terms of understanding danger.