7 year old independence

[Loric]

My 7 year turns 8 in September. We're going on holiday to a caravan the week before. I've brought him a £20 mobile phone so when we go he can be free range on the caravan site but I can still get hold of him. I've always been extremely strict with him but I feel like he's old enough and mature enough to have some freedom. I mentioned the phone to a friend and explained why I got and she started a 2 hour tirade about how he's to young to own a phone. It's not a smart phone but 10 years ago it would of been an all singing all dancing phone. Now its laughable it's a samsung clamshell phone that I suppose can access the Internet but it's that old school hyperlinks in blue that takes 10 mins per page to load. She's really knocked my confidence on the whole thing. We're away till the 5th of September he starts the local junior school on the 8th which is a whole new picking up routine where we meet them at the gate rather from individual classes so I feel like he should start having some independence. Aibu to let my son have the phone e both on holiday and on days at school (turned off and hidden till he leaves school grounds) where people other then me are picking him up?

If you can see him at all times you wouldn't need to give him a phone. Pull the other one.
And 8 is also too young.

Just because I can see him doesnt mean I want to be standing on the porch hollering at him and disturbing other people. Maybe that's normal for you but not around here.

I still think he's too young for the level of independence you are giving him. I still don't think he needs a phone at school. After all he's still 8, and might one day go that bit further.

If you can see him at all times, why not just go with him? . How odd to let your 7 year old play alone on a beach on holiday while you stand and watch from a distance, out of earshot... bollocks can you see him at all times

It's normal for me to be with my small children on unsafe places like beaches.
Phone isn't much use, he can't call you when he's drowning.

Exactly bunbaker . A 7 year old can't be expected to make judgement calls on their own health and safety when temptation is more exciting. Seven is too young for the beach alone.

It reminds me of an incident in the media a few years ago, where a 3 year ok'd drowned in the villa pool. The parents said, she knew not to go near the water .

I think it's irrelevant whether he owns a phone or not.

What is relevant is whether an adult looks after him. You are aware that a 7yo boy passed away this summer holidays when he was out on his own? I have a child the same age as yours and an older one and I would never consider letting either on a beach unsupervised. There's also a thread on here within the last week where an unsupervised 7yo drank a bit of diesel found in the woods.

Independence at 7yo means getting your own cereal and wiping your own bum. It does not mean being responsible for any occurrences they may face when out unsupervised and alone. I honestly cannot understand all this "independence" crap for little kids. They are called "dependents" because they are just that. Do you know any adults who can't walk down the street alone? I had to stop my car the other day because done lads (8-10ish) has misjudged crossing a fucking A road whilst riding their bikes. Their parents probably have no clue about their scrapes/risks encountered and think they are fabulously independent.

I am genuinely completely shocked that you are considering letting a 8 year old go to a beach without an adult, I'm not sure that I would be happy to let my nearly 13 year old do so. At 7 there is no way they would be out alone at any time, it's just too young and certainly not in a park. I let my 12 year old go to the park but have plenty of friends who feel that I'm a lax mother to do so

What will you be doing whilst the 7yo is at the beach alone though? We see holidays as a special time to be together so can't think of anything that would mean I wouldn't be available to take a 7yo to the beach whilst on holiday. My youngest is 12 now (and oldest 28) so have had plenty of years where I have supervised young ones and I miss it nowadays. I'd make the most of these years whilst he's small, they don't want your company anywhere near as much when they get older.

I just want to say thanks for this thread

DS is also 7 and will turn 8 soon. We're off to Greece (to a resort we all know well, even DS, been there every year since birth) and I worry that I haven't got the levels right on the independence thing. I do tend to have a major common sense gene missing on things like this. I urge towards caution and this thread makes me think I'm on the right track.

OP, I think the phone is a good idea for around the camp etc but I also probably wouldn't let him go to the beach on his own.

Binit - you say children of 7 are called 'dependents' because they are just that, but 16 and 17 year olds are too, especially now that they are having to stay in education. Are you suggesting that we should stay with our 16 and 17 year olds at all times too? Or what point are you trying to make by using the term 'dependent'. In some senses, a spouse can also be called a dependent! I think using the term 'dependent' to make a point is equivocal at best.

More generally speaking ... Whilst parents are free to decide how much freedom they give to their children and when, I do feel sad that so often the debate about giving your children is put solely in terms of looking after your child vs neglect... Totally forgetting there is another side to the debate - the effect the lack of freedom has on the psychological wellbeing of our children.

This is a rather pedestrian article, but there are numerous academic studies supporting this:

aeon.co/magazine/culture/children-today-are-suffering-a-severe-deficit-of-play/

Unfortunately, too many of our children are not adequately prepared for dealing with the adult world. It's not just a balance between freedom Vs neglect - I think that is a gross over simplification of the issue. That said, I have previously said I do think going to the beach unsupervised is a step too far at 7. I wouldn't allow my 8 or even 11 year old to do this alone, and I do allow my children a good degree of freedom.

It makes me sad to think of a seven year old bumming about on the beach on their own regardless of whether this particular beach has the least risky sea/rocks/strangers in the world it's just a shame tbh

I'm just gobsmacked at the number of people who would get a 7 year old their own phone - also at the few that would allow them to go to the beach alone.

I don't understand the horror of a nearly 8 year-old having a basic phone with no internet access. I do think a beach is a potentially dangerous environment. My grandson is same age as OP's son-I would not leave him alone on a beach for less than five minutes whilst I took his little sister to the toilet.

The horror of phones is pure snobbery. I bet half of these phoneless 8 year olds will have a tablet and s games console and will have an iPhone at 10 when my ds still has the basic phone without internet that only contacts his parents. Seriously, what is the reason he is too young for a phone?

Independence is a tricky area and depends so much on the individual child. But I think you can undermine a child's confidence and sense of self by not allowing enough independence but obviously don't want to put them at risk by giving too much. There is always a small element of risk, we can't eliminate that totally. It's about finding a reasonable level of risk. My ds is pretty much as safe walking to the corner shop as I am. The beach is too dangerous.

The horror of phones is pure snobbery.

Snobbery? How so?

Seriously, what is the reason he is too young for a phone?

He doesn't need to ring anyone since he shouldn't be wandering beaches or anywhere else alone. What with being fucking SEVEN.
Which bit of that is so hard to grasp?

One of my friends was called into school and told that she was an overprotective mother, and did her child no favours, for not allowing her daughter to walk the mile to school alone, along a busy A road equivalent.

The daughter at the time was 7. They live in Switzerland. This was just a couple of years ago.

Whilst I have agreed all along that the beach is too far, why do we automatically assume that seven is too young for children to be outside alone. It is perfectly acceptable in many other countries, and especially European countries. As far as I'm aware, such countries do not have any significant problems with accidental deaths or kidnappings, but they do report much happier children, with on balance fewer mental health problems.

I cannot understand all this rush to turf children out on their own as yiung as possible. Even back in the 1970/80 I used to be accompanied during primary and junior school, we had a cul de sac I played with friends without mum or dad out there, but if I wanted to go to the shop (10 min walk away out of sight) or park, 15/20 min walk, my parents would go with me. As I became a teenager say about 12, I used to go shopping with friends, on the bus, at 15 I was clubbing with mates. I am not tied to my mums apron strings and live independently with my own family. What the hell is wrong with waiting a few years. kitella utter madness, the Swedes, sheer luck that nothing has happened to those kids.

In op situation, I most certainly woukd be accompanied or mum watching from afar. You may think your 8 year old is aware of safety and danger, but put them in that situation they might not be. I am thinking of that poor little boy who died recently. An experients tgat have been carried out with parents permission in the park. Whereby patents have said their child is aware of stranger danger, will not go off with strangers. A 'stranger' approached the child with a puppy, the stranger started talking freely to the child, even got the children to go with him. The parents watching from a separate area were .

I was in the park with my dcs a couple of girls were playing on their own, they were 7, they told me. They came up to me, a stranger and started talking to me, they told me their age, their names, where they lived, what school they went to. I was stunned. I asked them where their parents were, they told me they were with their 10 year old brother, I asked where, and they pointed to some boys playing football a distance away. I could have walked off with them and the brother would not have noticed.

These things are all very personal decisions.

I have a 5 year old who is allowed to play in the street in front of our house alone, and can run free on a campsite. At 7/8 I'm not sure I'd be giving him a phone though and I wouldn't let him go to a beach alone. He will certainly be walking to school alone once he's in Year 3 though.

That's a matter of opinion UrethraFranklin - he is about to turn 8 and will undoubtedly go to friends' houses, perhaps to the park or local shop. I'd prefer ds to be able to contact me without relying on another adult.

I think it's snobbery because there it's looked down on for young children to have their own electronics. There are good reasons why screens and internet access aren't a great idea but what harm is a basic pay as you go phone going to do an 8 year old?

Yes carried your decision as a parent, but one which leaves me shocked. Yiur 5 year old roaming about a campsite alone . I hope you can see your ds when he's playing out alone!