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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:39

The kids wont be scared! They will think we are just having a sleepover. We stay at mums all the time Confused

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 11:40

Actually, if you commented along the lines of 'great night, driving home drunk. Pathetic', and then threatened to call the police next time...

His boss has probably taken a screen shot of the unfounded accusation towards him. Unless you actually named your DH and made it clear he was the only person you were talking about, and not his boss?

happymummyone · 07/08/2015 11:41

Now he's sober talk it through with him like an actual grown up? When the kids are nicely tucked up in bed and out of earshot. And stay calm!! Just say the reason you were so cross was because you can't bear to lose him in a preventable accident, and that you want your kids to grow up with their dad. Don't call him all the names under the sun and try to ruin his reputation. This is totally salvageable

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/08/2015 11:41

You sound rather wound up by this so I think your DC might pick up on it

If you feel it's the right thing to do, you should have contacted the police last night.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:41

He was out 7.30-10.30.

3 hours, 4 pints. Stank of beer.

OP posts:
JackSkellington · 07/08/2015 11:41

You sound like you want him to get fired/arrested which isn't unreasonable as if he is a repeat offender and doesn't regret it, that would hopefully knock some sense into him before he hurts himself or another person, or worse. But surely it isn't healthy to stay with him in that case?

LadyPlumpington · 07/08/2015 11:41

I think you should call the police and report your DH. That way it won't go via his boss.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 07/08/2015 11:41

Good point Worra - perhaps the boss thought it was directed at him!

InTheBox · 07/08/2015 11:42

I think your reaction is way over the top if not entirely hysterical. Drink driving is not on but neither is you taking to Facebook to 'shame' your H.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:42

This guy is jeopardising their home, their life together. Let's support op in what she could do to move forward instead of questioning what she did something that is harmless! Just because you wouldn't do it, doesn't make it OK to judge her for doing it.

I can't see anyone anywhere saying what the DH did was ok. Quote the opposite in fact.

What the OP has done may not be 'harmless" either. It could cost her DH his job, which was one of the things she was cross with him for potentially doing.

BootsTheCat · 07/08/2015 11:42

I'd be deactivating my Facebook account if I were you, I don't think you're mentally equipped to be on there.

It's all well and good telling the internet you're outraged, but what are you going to DO about it? If you're as bothered as you say, you'd have reported him to the police at 11pm last night.

frenchcheeses · 07/08/2015 11:42

If I were his boss, your Facebook comment would have underlined to other people that I was aware of the drink-driving and that would make me look bad because I had tacitly/overtly allowed/encouraged it. To counteract this I might take steps to make myself look better by talking to more senior bosses to play down my culpability and to increase his. Of course this very much depends on the size and setup of the company and the morals of his boss.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:42

*quite

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 11:43

My ex would have one pint and stink of beer for the rest of the evening. I hate drink driving, alot of the parents at my kids school complain about how hungover they are on the school run, so most probably over the limit still but no one seems to rant on their Facebooks. I don't drive, I like wine Grin

shizzlesandglitz · 07/08/2015 11:44

Your DH was an idiot (to put it mildly) and I'd be fuming too.
To put it on FACEBOOK though? Are you insane? Do you want the whole world knowing your business?
This coming from a Facebook addict who updates with all sorts of banal shit daily....
why would you publish your problems like that?

MagpieCursedTea · 07/08/2015 11:45

I think you both need to grow up.

FortyCoats · 07/08/2015 11:45

If he's done it before then it would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not an enabler so he'd have to live with the consequences of his own actions but if this is the only time he's been so stupid I'd let it go as long as he understood why it was so wrong.

If he can't see any problem then, I'm sorry but I'd be showing him the door.

But, no to FB op. Deal with this at home.

specialsubject · 07/08/2015 11:45

if he did drive with that much inside him - let him lose his licence. Let him lose his job.

he's clearly too stupid/arrogant to stop drink driving otherwise. This event may stop him killing someone.

lot of 'don't sneak' on here.

paulapompom · 07/08/2015 11:45

OP I think you are right to be fucking furious with him, but glad you took it off fb. I think so many people think 'it'll never happen to me, I'm a good driver, the road was quiet' blah blah but it DOES happen. He needs to accept he was risking lives.

Did you tell him how you felt supporting him through cancer fo him to do this? That's powerful.
Make him think about if someone hit a car with his kids in, how would he feel. You are not overreacting in my view, but fb is no help.

OOAOML · 07/08/2015 11:46

Are people really suggesting that 4 pints is ok because he had a big dinner and might not have been over the limit? Have a think about how much that amount of alcohol would impact your judgement and reaction times! And he's lucky he's not in Scotland where he would probably be massively over the limit.

And yes, the language etc is getting a bit histrionic, but I don't think that I could respect someone who thinks driving after that amount of alcohol is ok, and if I couldn't respect my partner what long-term future would we have?

Interesting re the boss's role in this though. I wonder what size the company is, where he fits in the structure, and whether there are mangement further up who would hold him partially responsible.

WayneRooneysHair · 07/08/2015 11:46

OP you are coming across as a bit of a loon.

Jackie0 · 07/08/2015 11:47

For goodness sake op, calm down.
Your actions would be a deal breaker as far as I'm concerned.
So crass.

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 11:47

Are people really suggesting that 4 pints is ok because he had a big dinner and might not have been over the limit?

Nope, just an academic discussion about how pissed he could have been (or not).

I am not condoning it in the slightest.

Epilepsyhelp · 07/08/2015 11:47

If you hate him this much just leave him. Not healthy for either of you or for the kids.

Ledkr · 07/08/2015 11:47

Would any of the posters saying "you risked his job!" Be so concerned about this fuckers job if he'd killed one of your relatives?
I think I live near you op snd I'm bloody furious that he was possibly putting my loved ones at risk.
Id not be able to stay with someone who does this.