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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
Sockmatcher · 07/08/2015 11:13

Proof or not it could still make boss more likely to let him go

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 07/08/2015 11:14

Sorry, but I agree with the OP. If there's no proof, his boss is hardly going to sack him on hearsay. Putting it on Facebook where friends and family can see and hopefully chime in to tell him how disgusting he's been MIGHT just make him reconsider his behaviour. It's not ideal, but I don't blame the OP for feeling angry enough to do it.

Peshwari · 07/08/2015 11:14

How does the OP deal with 'in house' if her husband thinks it's no big deal?

I actually think a big change in how many people drink drive is down to how socially unacceptable it has become so can in some ways understand the social media response.

LindyHemming · 07/08/2015 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sockmatcher · 07/08/2015 11:14

And he was drunk last night. Rolling eyes etc.
Deal with it sober!

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:14

Sorry should have made it more clear that he wouldnt lose his job for the actual act, only if he got caught by the police. Of which there is no evidence now anyway.

And tbh Im so fucking angry that if he walked out Id slam the door shut behind him.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 11:14

Nothing would be done now as there is not proof

So what is the point?

It's bordering on vindictive, in my opinion.

ApprenticeViper · 07/08/2015 11:14

YANBU to be absolutely fucking raging with him, but YABU to have put it on Facebook. Rant here anonymously by all means, but it's you that has put his employment at risk by plastering it all over Facebook.

Although, by there's no proof now so nothing would be done I assume you mean that his job would only be in jeopardy if a criminal conviction resulted from his drink-driving?

It would definitely be a relationship-changer for me as well, having had a relative die after being knocked down by a drunk-driver.

Sockmatcher · 07/08/2015 11:15

Wife posting is more than hearsay though. Boss likely to think mmm I'll ask more questions here

ApprenticeViper · 07/08/2015 11:15

X post, sorry Blush

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 11:16

Well, boot him out then.

Honestly, trial by public isn't acceptable. If he doesn't think it's serious, then you have weapons. Leave him or tell him to leave - you need a break.

MaxPepsi · 07/08/2015 11:16

I think you look more of a tit than your possibly over the limit husband.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/08/2015 11:16

Take it down now.

There is every chance that his work could investigate this - he was driving s company car and is presumably insured by them. That gives enough of a connection.

If there is an investigation, then he would have to lie if they asked him how much he had to drink. There is also a chance that they won't believe him as why on earth would you (his wife) put a status update - which is contemporaneous enough - up saying otherwise.

This is a really silly thing to do.

soverylucky · 07/08/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Murfles · 07/08/2015 11:16

I can understand why you're livid and I would be too. As others have said take the status down and don't air your dirty laundry in public. I really wouldn't know what to think if any of my friends put a status up like that. Have you had any likes

QueenMas · 07/08/2015 11:17

Publicly shaming on fb is so gross and trashy. You're making a fool of yourself, not him. Take it down.

Deal with things privately like an adult.

siiiiiiiiigh · 07/08/2015 11:17

Take the FB down, and fast

And, then, phone your local, friendly police station and ask whether there's a drink driving awareness thing. And, whether they'd be interested in giving a talk to a company where drink driving is acceptable.

Bet they'd send someone along for a wee, helpful chat. Probably with gory video footage of crashes and destroyed lives.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:17

Im happy to be vindicitve if it stops him doing it again.

The only thing stopping me leaving is the kids. To have to explain that I broke up the family because DH had a few too many beers one night might not be the best thing for them.

And to reitterate, he absolutely still thinks Im over reacting.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 07/08/2015 11:17

I've found that in general, people who slag off their partners publically are judged much more than the slagged off partner. It's just a bit of a no no.

Light hearted stuff can be ok, but major shit like this should be private. Ultimately it's yourself you're actually doing down, because you have chosen this partner.

I think you know this but understandably you're angry and not acting objectively.

Murfles · 07/08/2015 11:18

I wonder how the OP would feel if her DH put up a shaming status about her?

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 11:18

FFS take it down! Don't air your dirty laundry in public. How crass. Deal with it at home, if it's a deal breaker then fine. Yes he's made an awful mistake but you are risking so much by publicly ranting, if I was in his shoes your behaviour would be more than enough for me to leave. I couldn't handle someone publicy telling me off and hoping I lost my livelihood.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 07/08/2015 11:19

I would take it down ASAP. What you've done is terribly foolish. You're escalating an already tricky situation.

If you feel so strongly about it, call your attorney.

MorrisZapp · 07/08/2015 11:19

How have your fb friends reacted?

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:20

And, then, phone your local, friendly police station and ask whether there's a drink driving awareness thing. And, whether they'd be interested in giving a talk to a company where drink driving is acceptable

How do you know what the company policy is!?

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 11:20

God, he really needs to report your post if you won't take it down.

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