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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:48

I think you are right to be fucking furious with him, but glad you took it off fb

The OP didn't! It was removed.

Janeymoo50 · 07/08/2015 11:49

I don't think anyone is saying what he did is ok, in the slightest. BUT WHY FB??? So very tacky.

CognitiveIllusion · 07/08/2015 11:49

I agree with the posters saying he may not have even been over the limit.

Last year my DH went out for his work Xmas do. He had several drinks (more than 3-4 pints equivalent) plus a meal over the course of an evening. As he drove home he was breathalysed (not targeted - it was a Friday night close to Xmas and the police were stopping everyone indiscriminately) and he was less than half the legal limit.

ovenchips · 07/08/2015 11:49

Ok, you are incredibly angry. Give yourself time to process these angry feelings. Then when you have calmed (this may take a good few days) you need to have a serious think about how you want to tackle this and what the different options are of doing this.

But only when you are calmer and thinking more rationally. Kneejerk Facebook posts do you absolutely no favours. And as you've already ascertained do not decrease the likelihood of your DH doing it again.

differentnameforthis · 07/08/2015 11:49

It's fucking insulting to call op hysterical when she is at the end of her tether with this.

WILL YOU ALL READ OPS POSTS???? She has said his BOSS plus other work colleagues were there DRINKING too. She has said that he isn't likely to lose his job because of this.

Blimey, I'd love to read the responses if op said she knew her dh was drunk driving & he had hit someone, but did nothing!

This isn't op's fault, can we all stop bloody picking on her?

God, he really needs to report your post if you won't take it down. And fb staff will have a good laugh about that, because which community standard does it violate? None what so ever.

FB can't be arsed with petty stuff like this. They barely take down things that ARE offensive!

happymummyone Erm..perhaps she is thinking of the kids? What if he speeds with them in the car? What he drink drives with them in the car?

Seriously, the level of hate aimed at the op & the back up & support for her DRINK DRIVING, SPEEDING dh is astounding!

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 11:50

If the op was that concerned about people's safety she'd have called the police not hit his bosses Facebook! Facebook cbt take his licence away and stop it happening, neither can his boss. The Facebook post was purely vindictive, I'd support her if she'd called the police because she was concerned about how pissed he was behind the wheel.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:50

Yep Ledkr he drove home from C town centre.

Nothing I have said or can say will make him see how serious this is. He just doesnt get it, pure and simple.

OP posts:
Lavenderice · 07/08/2015 11:51

In all honesty if he came home absolutely rolling drink this would be a deal breaker for me. If there was some doubt as to whether he was over the legal limit I would have given him a strict telling off and that would be that.

However, posting personal things about me on Facebook was one of the many deal breakers for me in my last relationship. It's also the reason I blocked one of my friends from Facebook yesterday. I just can't stand the time of person who attacks another person on Facebook. I liken it to bullying.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/08/2015 11:51

Four pints over three hours would have him well over the limit.

Even if it was "over a meal".

There isn't a different limit for people who eat food.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 07/08/2015 11:51

It's possible to think the following two things at the same time:

(a) the OP's DP was an arse for driving after drinking. He might even deserve to lose his job.

and

(b) It's completely crass to blast it all over Facebook, on his boss's profile.

Tenieht · 07/08/2015 11:51

YABU and overreacting . Unless it's a habit and assuming it's the first and only time anything like this has happenedI would put him in the serious dog house but I would not air dirty laundry in public like this, it's terrible he's done that but he's ok, your ok, nothing happened. But obviously you are going to Have Words. I just think this public shaming stuff is also completely unnexessary breach of faith and trust no matter how mad you are with him.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 11:52

I think the op's getting a hard time. I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. He is a fucking idiot putting you and your family at risk.

It wasn't the smartest thing posting a comment on Facebook but it was only a comment and if the company culture is one that condones drink driving that's awful.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 11:52

OP I think you are right to be fucking furious with him, but glad you took it off fb

She didn't. The boss did.

Ilovecrapcrafts · 07/08/2015 11:52

OP you're completely hysterical and you've acted in a really childish way. This is now out of your hands and you'll have to wait to see what the repercussions are.
There is no point calling the police as its done now, they won't take any action.
If you publically humiliated me I would leave you.

paulapompom · 07/08/2015 11:53

Bubble if you rtft at 11. 21 op said, 'ok i'll take it down'.

Hornydilemma · 07/08/2015 11:54

I can understand your original reaction and action (FB) - but I think you should take down the FB status (as it's not productive).

Let your local police station know that he has been drinking and driving, give them his reg and a description of his car, and let them know when he's likely to be out again in the same situation (or, at that time give them another call).

Hopefully they will catch and breathalyse the twat.

You may want to think carefully about whether you will let him know you've told the police or not, as it will affect your relationship (particularly if he's caught!).

I've done this (told policy) on a close family member but I have told no-one : other people in my family will think I've overreacted (as will my particular twat!)

Me telling them not to drink drive will not stop them doing it.

Me telling them I've told the police may not stop them, and will generate a whole load of grief for me.

Being breathalysed and perhaps losing their licence WILL stop them (and will stop them hurting somebody).

Oh, and if he told you 4 pints, and then downgraded to 3 when he heard your reaction - he probably really had 6. So no way was he under the limit.

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2015 11:54

He was a twat to drive when (almost definitely) over the limit. You was a twat to put it on FB. Makes you look like a hysterical idiot.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/08/2015 11:54

Right, so what do I do then

Calm. The fuck. Down.

Get away from the computer. Go out, take the kids for an ice cream. Don't take your phone.

Then start thinking and talking to your husband. NOt Facebook.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:55

There isn't a different limit for people who eat food

No there isn't, but different people tolerate alcohol at different levels, as has been demonstrated by pp who has said that her DH had the same amount to drink as the OP DH, was breathelised and was less than half the legal limit.

It is for reasons like this that there are pushes for there to be a 0 tolerance.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 07/08/2015 11:55

i think it sounds like the boss, and possibly others, were also driving home with too much alcohol in their systems. maybe Dh was even being egged on 'one more won't hurt' etc. and did not want to lose face/be teased. Not that that excuses him, he is a responsible adult aware of the potential consequences of his actions. This would be a deal breaker for me too, he needs a shock, a wake up call.....but I don't think fb is the way to go! You need a serious heart to heart about how angry and scared this made you feel, how you are not sure you can trust him etc. Make him think about what the consequences would have been like for the whole family if he had killed himself, or someone else.

If when sober and calm, he cannot accept what he did was very very wrong, then maybe he has a problem with alcohol?

chaiselounger · 07/08/2015 11:56

You sound completely hysterical.
You haven't listened to a single thing another poster has said.
You just carry on posting, your own thoughts.
It's as if you have your fingers in your ears humming 'la-la-la, I'm not listening'.

YouTheCat · 07/08/2015 11:56

Your DH is an utter twat.

Ok, facebook wasn't the best place to vent but I understand why you did.

If this is indicative of his attitude normally then I'd be making plans to leave.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 11:56

Bubble if you rtft at 11. 21 op said, 'ok i'll take it down'

If you read further posts it says that the boss had deleted it.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 11:56

Posting a snarky comment on a Facebook post is not in any way as bad as drink driving and risking your life, other people's lives, your livelihood and the happiness and wellbeing of your wife and children.

I'm surprise people are outraged about the tiny comment post where the op actually has a point!

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 11:57

differentnameforthis yes she said the work colleagues were drinking too.

That in itself is not illegal and the OP has no idea whether they were over the limit or under.

The OP clearly wasn't bothered enough to call the Police, which might actually have made a real difference.

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