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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 09/08/2015 21:45

"most men (15 stone?)"

Do you only know fat men then?

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/08/2015 21:47

15 stone isn't necessarily 'fat' as you put it.

ohtheholidays · 09/08/2015 21:48

OP,I'm sorry your husband has decided to move out.

If he's saying he'd rather do that than never drink and drive again then he really has his priorities twisted!

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/08/2015 21:50

If he's saying he'd rather do that than never drink and drive again then he really has his priorities twisted

He has said according to the OP, that he won't do it again.

monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:52

He hasnt decided to move out. Ive told him to go.

And, fwiw, he is 12st. Not that its relevant!

OP posts:
Queenbean · 09/08/2015 21:54

I'm confused - you said yesterday that you didn't actually want it to be over, you just wanted to teach him a lesson

Have you changed your mind now? Or has he called your bluff?

MakeHayWhileTheChalkDries · 09/08/2015 21:54

Monkey I'm so sorry to hear that he's moving out. FWIW I think you did totally the right thing calling him up on it (not necessarily FB, but I'm stunned that some think that is worse than drunk driving). You may well have saved lives if you have got him to rethink, even a little bit. I hope it hasn't cost you your marriage, and I'm sorry you have taken such a weird pasting.

monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:58

Of course I dont want it to be over! Its my fucking marriage we are talking about!

I dont think I can forgive. Who knows what the future holds, but I cant have him here.

No he hasnt called my bluff. He is sobbing and its horrible to watch. But something just says no.

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 09/08/2015 22:01

I've done some stupid things in my time. I appreciate the people who wanted to help.

AliceScarlett · 09/08/2015 22:01

Can't actually believe you are separating over this. People make mistakes... Yes it was a big mistake, but...no forgiveness? At all?

NothingUpMySleeve · 09/08/2015 22:12

Hope you're ok OP, this has been a really weird thread.

A post on FB never killed anyone, drink driving can. I can't see there's a debate about who is more in the wrong, even if you accept that posting in anger is a bit silly, it just isn't in the same league as DD.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/08/2015 22:26

I agree - this needs deleted and you can cool in the skin you got hot in and speak to DH offline about this.

eurogoose · 09/08/2015 22:27

Blimey!

monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 22:27

Unfortunately its thrown me into a manic episode so who knows how long it'll take for me tome back out the other side.

At the moment its all just anger and hurt and I need him gone. I cant really explain why.

Maybe there is something deeper. I have an idea what but thats not for this thread.

Anyway, I think this thread should probably be left now. Nothing more to add really.

OP posts:
shiteforbrains · 09/08/2015 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/08/2015 22:32

I think you need the GP tomorrow too - hope you can get an appointment OK

There's obviously a lot more to this but hope you get it sorted out

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/08/2015 22:33

Unfortunately its thrown me into a manic episode

Please go and see your doctor and get some help.

Also please don't make any big decisions about your marriage until you are not in your manic phase Flowers

monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 22:34

Im under mental care team, I know myself very well so can medicate accordingly.

So bloody disappointed in him Sad

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 22:35

Honestly, getting help for my bipolar is the easiest thing in the world. Im very open about it and very self aware.

Thats not a big deal. But it does make me need space more than normal.

OP posts:
AliceScarlett · 09/08/2015 22:37

Maybe some time and space to decompress and think will do you both good. I hope you guys can sort out what's best for both of you.

Noctilucent · 09/08/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngieBolen · 09/08/2015 22:47

Grace, there is obviously more to this than the drink driving.

Yes, you are angry and exasperated by that and there probably is more to the situation you haven't mentioned. Some space between you may be a good idea, but him moving in to a flat sounds like a permanent decision is being made too quickly and not rationally.

I think you need to sort yourself out before you attempt to tackle your DH and his attitude. And I mean that in the nicest possible way, I don't mean to be rude.

monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 22:49

Ah there is no sorting me out. We've tried for decades. Im a lost cause Grin

OP posts:
AliceScarlett · 09/08/2015 22:51

Smile I feel the same! Glad you can be humorous with it, sign of maturity *1000.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/08/2015 22:52

I agree with angie

Please don't use long term solutions for short term problems

Also, I understand your need for space, but would it help to have him at home to actually let you decompress a bit? What about if he took
some emergency leave from work and you had a few nights in a nice hotel with no childcare etc to worry about.