Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 08/08/2015 13:24

If he had 2.5 pints and started drinking at 4pm plus had a meal, he probably wouldn't be over the limit. That's why the law doesn't stipulate that you can only have 2 beers or whatever.

My point is that actually it's all a bit irrelevant. We don't know if he was over the limit or not. So all the posts saying that no one should ever drink one drop and drive are not actually relevant - thecOP doesn't live in Scotland. It's just winding the OP up rather than maybe actually looking at the facts and trying to find a way to resolve things without the DC sitting in the middle of it all wondering WTF is going on and various letting agents having their time wasted on Monday

And before anyone says that I clearly drunk and drive, I don't. But that's personal choice. And I accept that, in England, people can have a drink and drive as long as they are under the limit. So I don't think my personal choices are relevant here

RJnomore · 08/08/2015 13:24

Can I ask what you would all be saying if the op was " my dh drank four pints Last night and while driving home knocked over a pedestrian"?

Because there but for the grace of God...

And if he didn't do it this time and noones making him think about it he will do it again - and again - again ...

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2015 13:25

All through this thread there have been a small number of people who are reading the fact that they don't like the way the OP reacted, as being 'unconcerned about the drink driving'.

Why? Why when it's been explained over and over that this is not the case, are people still reading it that way?

It's a very narrow view to take, to think that someone can't disagree with the OP's handling/reactions of this and still be disgusted that the DH drank and drove Confused

Kewcumber · 08/08/2015 13:31

But he didn't Gobbo - he has now admitted to 4 pints and they went out after work and he was home by 11pm. Of course there isn;t a definite amount you can drink I guess we all know that but equally surely most people know that four pints after work (even over dinner) will put you very firmly over the limit.

Worra - I don't exactly disagree with you, I wouldn't have (in fact didn;t) reacted the way OP has but having had a partner who drank and drove I cannot tell you how scary it is when you realise the risks they've taken both to themselves and others never mind the practicality of a partner who can;t drive for a year which is the green light to drink constantly Hmm (can you tell why we're not still together?!)

In my opinion the disagreement with how OP reacted is greatly diminished when attached to a "but he might not have been over the limit/nothing happened".

Diasgreeing with her response if you do stands alone. No-one needs to minmise his offence to do that and I worry that there are posters who might now think 4 pints of an evening wouldn;t put you over the limit.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2015 13:32

But there are also plenty of people posting here who think that her posting on FB is at least as bad as her DH drink-driving (certainly earlier on in the thread) - which it clearly isn't. So equalising drink-driving with angry ranting on FB is minimising the drink-driving.

ComposHatComesBack · 08/08/2015 13:32

I don't think the op came here looking for asvice or support, she wanted an audience for the psychodrama she has created (aided and abetted by her doltish husband) and has upped the ante with successive posts. I have to say this all to typical of the threads that emerge in the school holidays.

Kewcumber · 08/08/2015 13:33

My commetns obviously aren;t addressed to those who are disgusted that he drunk and drove but the substantial minority who areseemingly much more relaxed about it.

Would love to have seen them in my shoes many years ago - whether it would change their opinion when it wasn;t theoretical but real.

Kewcumber · 08/08/2015 13:34

she wanted an audience for the psychodrama she has created

well he created

or we created by responding.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2015 13:37

Oh I don't know about that. I think it's all hair splitting really, as is whether he was really over the limit or not. He drank and drove and should not have done.

Neither of them come of out this pretty well, but the drink driving is obviously worse.

However, that doesn't let the OP off the hook and I don't just mean with the FB thing (that she's since said was wrong), but her continuing to beat this to death, with the silent punishment (which interestingly many on MN see as abusive), and the unnecessary flat viewings that as a PP pointed out, is out of order to the flat owners.

As this is not a deal breaker for her, she needs to move on now.

Allisgood1 · 08/08/2015 13:48

YABU to put it on FB. Not because he could get sacked (I doubt he would), but because that could affect any new potential jobs for him in the future. Which would in turn, affect you and your family assuming you don't separate over this.

YANBU about anything else in your OP.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:01

Have I seriously just been called a school holiday troll Grin

Please report me to MN. They will undoubtedly tell you that Ive been here almost a decade without a single name change and am about as regular a poster as there is.

I also cant believe someone also said if he drank that much from 4pm. I have said he was out 7.30-10.30 so thats 3 hours.

And, again, someone said he hasnt done this before. Wrong. Yes he has. And promised me last time it wouldnt happen again.

Please stop reading between the lines. RTFT and then blast me, but at least stop making things up.

And if he decides to take a flat then fine. The point being, he has promised before and still did it again. Im not taking his word for it that he wont do it again.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 08/08/2015 14:01

If I'm honest if I had my time again I would have done exactly what the OP did (except for the forced flat viewings which I see as an unfair waste of other people time) and yes she does need to move on.

I don't think I reacted strongly enough in my case and I regret it.

WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 14:07

Hang on, you said that he's never done this before OP so what is it?

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:08

No I didnt Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:09

He hasnt done it so extreme before, but he came home after 2 pints and drove into our driveway gates.

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 14:14

Back a few pages you said that there's been no problems before, I interpreted that as that he hasn't drunk driven before and so did others probably.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:16

Someone asked how long he had worked in his job. I said 2 years and no problems before. I meant no problems before he started this job and got an ego the size of a small African country.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2015 14:17

I interpreted it as "no problems in the marriage before" - not "never having driven drunk before"

WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 14:18

So why didn't you say that this wasn't the first time? You would not have experienced half the bashing if you had.

Nonnainglese · 08/08/2015 14:18

Are there children watching the family unravel with op not talking to DH who's sleeping on the sofa etc?
Dangerous grounds playing these mind games, not just for the op/DH but the children too.
If he's as big a fool as you clearly think he is, then why on earth are you still with him? Clearly no respect for each other whatsoever.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:24

Eldest child is with her grandparents for the weekend. Youngest is 4 months and oblivious.

Middle child is also oblivious, seeing as DH works 6 days a week usually 12 hour days. He was fast asleep when DH got home drunk, and I went out the minute DH got home from work last night.

DH had gone back to work again before DS woke up this morning. Nothing will affect the kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 08/08/2015 14:24

He hasnt got another day off now until late next week so kids wont see him until then.

OP posts:
FluffyCubs · 08/08/2015 15:23

People who air their dirty laundry on fb are arseholes in my opinion. And especially stupid if his boss is on there. There are more mature ways to deal with it, yes I'd be furious too

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 08/08/2015 15:45

Have I seriously just been called a school holiday troll

Better than what I've been calling you when telling my mates about this load of crap!!

Please LTPB OP, he doesn't deserve you....

MistressMerryWeather · 08/08/2015 15:49

You shouldn't have to go to all these lengths to get him to listen to you. You are actually fabricating the break up of your marriage.

Playing games never, ever ends well.

I believe you 100% that he stank of beer and was over the limit. There is no question that what he did was selfish, dangerous and illegal but that doesn't make what you are doing right. It's just a different type of wrong.

It all sounds exhausting and if you keep it up the kids will pick up on it.