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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 08/08/2015 19:09

4 pints is steaming drunk?
Okay admittedly I would be steaming drunk on that, but I thought most men (15 stone?) could hold a consume more before they were truly drunk. Over legal limit to drive yes, but not very drunk which is what 'steaming drunk' means to me.

HeisenbergSaysHello · 08/08/2015 19:28

Fuck all to do with the fact I made one bad judgement by writing one sentence on facebook after he drove home steaming drunk

You said a few pages back that you made "a couple of comments" on fb, so not just one sentence?

Yes drink driving is appalling, but you have gone way way over the top with this. Giving him the silent treatment? Well that's usually frowned upon on MN, or is that just when its a man doing it to a woman?

"Making" him view flats? But yet you don't actually want to break up? I too hope he calls your bluff

paddymcgintysmum · 08/08/2015 20:19

That your DH remembers you drinking and driving suggests either more imbibing than you've said or he's a Narc who stores things to use against you when it suits him.

paddymcgintysmum · 08/08/2015 20:31

"Fuck all to do with the fact I made one bad judgement by writing one sentence on facebook after he drove home steaming drunk"

Were you tipsy yourself when you posted it on FB?

But he wasn't steaming drunk was he. He smelt of beer. You made no mention of slurring words until about 20 pages later.

Sometimes we look at someone else critically and the reflection that comes back is ourself!

Tobiasfunke · 08/08/2015 21:56

I'd give up OP.
If you started a post saying you'd drunk 4 pints over 3 hours and then driven home but your DH was a bastard for putting a post about drink driving on fb about it you would've been shredded alive.
People would've been threatening to phone the police on you and your DH would've been praised to the heavens and declared a saint for doing what he did.
This is AIBU at it's worst.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/08/2015 00:47

Why are people harping on about how many pints the DH supposedly had? He started off saying it was 4, then took it down to 3, then said he didn't finish the last one - I think it's safe to say that the DH either didn't know exactly how much he'd drunk, or was prevaricating.

The state he was in, stinking of alcohol and being unable to speak clearly, says far more about how much he had probably drunk than his own marred recollection.

The OP never posted on her own wall. She posted an angry reply to a boasty comment on her DH's boss's wall.

The OP has received some really unpleasant bashing on here, for no really good reason - she made a mistake with the FB thing, she went to take it down, it had already been removed - and yet the kicking goes on.

And now we have someone coming on to defend the indefensible actions of a speeding driver who nearly killed a 9yo - to what purpose, exactly? I know this is AIBU, but seriously?!

YeOldeTrout · 09/08/2015 07:09

Did someone defend the speeding driver in that graphic story? Still weird that the driver was known to be drunk & yet they weren't caught and prosecuted. How did they get away with it? Were there many witnesses and a stink of alcohol on the driver as they fled the scene, maybe?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/08/2015 09:40

Comparing apples and nuts really
If a man like this deserves jail or at least a hefty penalty under the eyes of the law, people actually think a comment on fb, from the person hurt mostly from his action, is not fair on him?

ComposHatComesBack · 09/08/2015 10:42

another it os not sn either/or. It is possible to be appalled by the op's husband's actions and to think thst she dealt with the rsituation very badly and her motivations for posting thia here are self serving and her 'rage' largely synthetic.

Nonnainglese · 09/08/2015 10:46

Coming to my same conclusion myself Compo, loads of self righteous indignation in what appears to be a pretty inflammable relationship imo.

AyeAmarok · 09/08/2015 13:38

I'd give up OP
If you started a post saying you'd drunk 4 pints over 3 hours and then driven home but your DH was a bastard for putting a post about drink driving on fb about it you would've been shredded alive.
People would've been threatening to phone the police on you and your DH would've been praised to the heavens and declared a saint for doing what he did.

This is AIBU at it's worst.

YY Tobiasfunke. Worth repeating.

Seriously cannot believe what I am reading here.

laffymeal · 09/08/2015 14:10

In Scotland it wouldn't make any difference between 3 pints or 4, it's more or less a blanket ban on drinking and driving, all my friends have stopped drinking completely if they're taking the car now and it's made a lot of people not even drink the night BEFORE if they're up early to drive home. Gone are the days of the half lager shandy in the pub at lunchtime.

I knew a guy who was banned for drink driving twice and he never learned anything from it, his wife divorced him because he couldn't comprehend how wrong it was, just thought everyone was "over reacting".

I realise I've given you no advice but I think you've had a bit of a kicking on here and just wanted to say that.

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/08/2015 14:51

another it os not sn either/or. It is possible to be appalled by the op's husband's actions and to think thst she dealt with the rsituation very badly and her motivations for posting thia here are self serving and her 'rage' largely synthetic

I agree.

Going as far as booking appointments to view flats etc when you don't want to carry it through is a tad too far IMO, and a waste of time for landlords/agents who have no idea what you are up to.

Jux · 09/08/2015 20:59

Absolutely, AIBU at its worst. There's another one going like this too, posters picking away completely unnecessairly, just because they can with no thought or care.

OP, I'm sorry your thread's gone like this. I sympathise, having had to share home with more than 2 drunks who don't give a shit. Flowers

maddy68 · 09/08/2015 21:13

Anyone who aires dirty laundry on Facebook is at best an idiot
Secondly if he had three pints over the course of an evening he's unlikely to be over the limit.

You are a loon

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:25

wow, really?! Thanks for that valuable insight.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 09/08/2015 21:28

I'm not for one minute condoning anyone who drinks and drives. Quite the opposite, but a massive over reaction by you. That's a conversation you should have had with him not the general public.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:32

Christ its like pulling teeth.

He wasnt listening. I made a knee jerk reaction. As my admission of error obviously isnt enough, would you like a kidney? A blood donation? Maybe some bone marrow?

Our marriage is over, anyway. He is moving out.

Im sure you'll all be very pleased for him. He can drink drive to his hearts content now.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 09/08/2015 21:36

Typical mumsnet. Usually despises drink drivers, unless it's the op who is reading their dp the riot act then it's pick pick at how she did it Hmm

maddy68 · 09/08/2015 21:39

It sounds like there are bigger issues here than what you put in your op.
You sound very upset and angry. It might be best if you ask for this thread to be deleted and post in relationships for some support
Aibu is the place to ask for opinion, it is not the place fir support

AngieBolen · 09/08/2015 21:41

Grace did you really want your DH to move out?

I'm not surprised it's come to this after you arranged for him to view flats, though.

Or did you just want him to demonstrate he knew he did something very wrong?

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:43

I didnt know what I wanted.

I knew it was a deal changer/possibly breaker though.

I just cant bare to share a room with him at the moment.

Ive been happy in the day, but dreading him getting home from work.

OP posts:
RJnomore · 09/08/2015 21:43

For FUCKS SAKE

If my dh did something so insanely stupid, selfish and illegal I would not be covering for him. I'd be letting the planet know. Especially if he wasn't acknowledging that he fucked up royally. Grace, please, don't let this lot get to you. There is no comparison between what he did and a post on a social fucking media site. None at all. Why should you be expected to cover for him and hide it.

I asked earlier what would be posted us the op was "dh drive after 4 pints and killed someone last night" and no one is answering. Says a lot.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 09/08/2015 21:44

Ah, but dont forget RJ, theres no proof he was over the limit

OP posts:
Bubblesinthesummer · 09/08/2015 21:45

I'm not surprised it's come to this after you arranged for him to view flats, though

I agree. I am sorry it has come to this, and I know you said you were doing some of it to teach him a lesson, but I'm not sure what you really expected when you start arranging flats for him to view and calculating CSA amounts to show it what he could lose.

I agree with maybe getting this deleted.