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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to report family member for benefit fraud?

237 replies

YUDOTHIS · 06/08/2015 08:18

I have a family member who openly (to family) commits benefit fraud. she has one child, who is between 1 and 2 (trying not to out self here). She claims income support and child benefit, housing benefit etc as a single mother, however her partner lives with her (but "legally" lives with and pays tax etc from his mums house) I know that including benefits they have an income of 5k every month. I can't say which is benefits and which is her partners income as i've never asked but I know benefits are low and probably wouldn't top 1.5k max a month including housing benefit.
It really does bother me, as she is quite happy to rub it in my face, she is college qualified and has applied for jobs over the last 7-8 months or so, but has turned down 9 jobs because "I want to be able to afford my monthly boohoo shop and until I can do that in a job I'm staying on benefits" it really does irk me as I know she does not need this income and its wrong while thousands are being sanctioned every week and not having money to live on and she's laughing all the way, I've had to claim benefits myself and I feel people like her just keep the stigma going! I really really want to report but I don't know how many people she has told and if she has only told immediate family I worry it'll kick up a massive stink, I can't lie to save my life either!
WIBU to report her for fraud?

OP posts:
nhkamptz · 06/08/2015 11:42

I would report my own family, no hesitation. I have no tolerance for cheats. I work my ass off, pay my bills and have precious little leftover each month. I am happy for those who also work hard, or are unable to, to receive benefits, but not cheats.

LeafyLafae · 06/08/2015 11:45

Garlick - I'm well aware of the hoops that must be jumped through to claim disability, my disabled brother has been through them all repeatedly, & yet this other family member has managed to get through too. Baffles me how she achieved this so easily & pees me off as she is playing the system that tax payers are funding

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/08/2015 12:08

Like I said earlier on. Your decision whether or not to report, but I know one thing. If she is bragging to other people then it won't be long before she pisses one of them off enough, to blow her out of the water. She will be caught eventually.

ElementaryMyDearWatson · 06/08/2015 12:11

I don't think it's unreasonable of you to report, but have you tried specifically confronting her with the points you make in your OP? What did she say? And if the response was that she doesn't care, what does she say about the distinct possibility that she will be caught, whether you report her or not?

If you do report, and if you acknowledge that you won't be able to cover it up, only you can assess whether you can deal with the resulting flak or whether in fact other members of the family will support you.

ginorwine · 06/08/2015 12:15

You can report anonymously .
This seems like systematic crime .
Benefits are for people who need it and taxpayers pay for this .wr do no pay tax so that people like this can use it as their own income .
It's attitides like this that have led to the current ideas about benefits cuts and one that needs talking about , as well as action .

ginorwine · 06/08/2015 12:17

Also re the comments she will be caught eventually . I don't think that's true . The resources to investigate are not always robust .staffing issues etc.used to work for benefits fraud team myself .
Save the taxpayers money for those who need it and report her .

Wavesun · 06/08/2015 12:34

Years ago I claimed benefits for a year when my relationship ended. Some months after our split my ex broke it off with his new girlfriend. Out of spite (and perhaps a belief we would get back back together) she reported me as having my ex living with me! Completely untrue, he had actually moved in with another woman he cheated on his girlfriend with (she didn't know).

I was mortified when I received my letter, I had an arranged visit from a benefits officer. She did not look around the house, was very nice and polite and simply asked me to sign a document declaring I was living alone with my children. Never heard anything from them again and I found a job a few months later.

I would say report your family member, but ONLY if you are willing to tell her to her face what you are doing.
Chances are, nothing will come of this. It's very hard to get evidence for as they would have to watch the house.

Starbrite00 · 06/08/2015 12:38

Si her partner is on 40k a year + and she os claiming all benefits.
Why are you even asking, of course you should report her.
Some families cant even afford food and her behaviour is disgusting.

sanfairyanne · 06/08/2015 12:52

its a strange reflex to want to report family and i would bet it is far less likely that family report their siblings for tax evasion.
why not speak up and tell her what you think?

DinosaursRoar · 06/08/2015 12:53

I wondered how long it would take someone to make the "tax avoidance is worse so this is ok" argument, and it's there on page 3.

"yeah but Jamie in my class did something worse" wasn't a reasonable excuse when I was a child, and "yeah but Amazon did something worse" isn't reasonable for grown adults.

This is stealing. This is delibrately undermining everyone who genuinely need to relay on benefits. This is stealing from every other taxpaying, including the ones she's boasting about stealing to.

I would report - if you feel able to have the conversation with her first that you will report if she does'nt stop, then do that. Do others in your extended family feel the same? Could you produce a united front to her that several of you feel she's wrong and as a group, at least one of you will report her if she doesn't stop? (then in a way it stops being you vs her, but she can see that a group agree it's wrong).

holidaysarenice · 06/08/2015 13:04

It's a warped my thing to think it's wrong to report someone.

FurtherSupport · 06/08/2015 13:04

It's because everyone "knows" someone who's cheating like this that cutting benefits is such a popular policy come election time. So, by publicising your relative's story rather than just taking action, if you feel you should, you've actually contributed to the downfall of the benefits system OP.

MarchelineWhatNot · 06/08/2015 13:07

Does anybody else think we should have a 'Vote' option on MN? It would be perfect for threads like this.

Katie2001 · 06/08/2015 13:09

Apologies if this has already been said, but whilst this is very wrong, it's fraud and it's stealing, if the penalty for it is potentially jail or a criminal record of any sort, you'd be setting her up for a future of struggling to get any kind of job and earn her own money. I wouldn't do it to family.

AngieBolen · 06/08/2015 13:18

The OP was looking for advice on whether she should report or not....not just wanting to publicise a situation.

Saying she's contributing to the downfall of the benefits system is is just silly.

And yes there are many people I suspect of doing similar to the OPs relative. I haven't reported because I don't know the full facts, and most men in the situation have the curtsy to spending at least one night a week out of the house.

I also think this type of relationship may be rocky, and the partner may not always be happy to share their finances.

AngieBolen · 06/08/2015 13:20

I vote for a vote option.

You could then annalyze the votes to see if people voted more one way or another at certain times of day, or if posters from certain areas felt strongly one way or another on the subject.

MN are missing a trick here.

theendoftheendoftheend · 06/08/2015 13:41

Just report her. Your reasons for reporting her other then the fraud don't matter.
There's no golden rule for not reporting family (unless you're a Mitchell) and not everyone likes their family. No law against it unlike fraud

AngieBolen · 06/08/2015 13:43

There's no golden rule for not reporting family (unless you're a Mitchell)

Hahaha! Grin

MintJulip · 06/08/2015 13:44

not read thread but wanted to say is the partner the father of her child, and maybe she thinks her child is too young to be left alone right now and will work when her child gets older.

whilst of course its not right for anyone to be cheating the system I just think - mothers of young dc - compared to huge gangs coming and exploiting it are very different things...

MintJulip · 06/08/2015 13:45

I also think - think of the poor child, its so hard parenting a child at this age, so hard, and now your giong to add extra stress to that situation

why dont you give her another year or so, and see what happens? if she is still not working, still with partner - maybe report then?

Spartans · 06/08/2015 13:54

This thread has me baffled.

People wouldn't report family members for fraud.....but would other people? why does being your relative make it ok?

Give her year? its hard parenting a child at this age?

I have done it twice, neither time have I committed fraud.

The whole 'its not as bad as groups of people coming in and doing it' or 'tax evasion is a worse problem' does not make it ok.

I am baffled that Adults think a blind eye should be turned to this.

AngieBolen · 06/08/2015 13:56

its so hard parenting a child at this age, so hard,

MintJulip Maybe in your experience, MintJulip but it's not for everybody.

The person the OP mentions doesn't sound too stressed. It's not as though she's a single mum struggling financially.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/08/2015 13:58

I think we are all agreed on one thing. Cases like this do stir up the uppermost anger.
Here's her swanning around living in luxury and what makes it more Bloody infuriating is not so much the fact that mine your taxes are funding her ridiculously good life style but she is bragging about it. She hasn't even got the decency to be humble.
Meanwhile genuine claimants are being subject to wicked cruel cuts and sanctions.
Take that lovely diabetic ex soldier David Clapson. Who was sanctioned so could not afford to keep his medicines in the fridge. He was found dead surrounded with CV's and job applications around his poor weak body. His poor poor mind must have been in a turmoil.
It just doesn't bare thinking about. His coroner said he stomach was empty. His crime was to miss an appointment. His punishment was death. To say it is appauling is the biggest understatement ever. How could the government treat anyone like this especially a man who has served his Queen and Country.

So when you compare these situations. I hAve to be honest and say. I can see how and why people get reported.
It's always the genuine that suffer. I think we're all agreed that it stopped.

Becauseicannes · 06/08/2015 13:59

benefit fraud is theft as its stealing from the less privileged who it's meant to be there for. if I knew a family member was doing this I would no longer speak to them. 1.5k a month? Shock that is a lot of money. next time she opens her mouth about her boohoo shop please say something like: wow, so glad you can have your boohoo shop. Can you imagine what the people who can't afford to put food on the table are doing. you know, the ones who's benefit money you are falsely claiming.

Inforabumpyride · 06/08/2015 14:01

What she is doing isn't right but can I just add , as someone who has been accused of reporting someone ( I didn't and wouldn't ) that the aftermath is horrible

Believe me , she will tell the wrong person soon and that will be her downfall