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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you would be disappointed with this present

154 replies

Littleen · 05/08/2015 11:41

It's my brother's 30th soon, and I've got him a candle for present. It's a nice, biiig candle from M&S, cost £12 and looks quite cool :) I am not great with presents however, and worry it might seem a bit random / not quite enough to form an actual gift. Should I add more, or would this be suitable for someone's 30th?

OP posts:
Fishwives · 05/08/2015 12:17

It's the kind of thing my mother would buy for someone she didn't know very well, tbh. I have a number of them knocking around the house as housewarming presents from people we don't know well, come to think of it - they are seldom or ever used, in part because of a lively three year old, and eventually attract dust and get binned.

WorktoLive · 05/08/2015 12:17

That owl thing in Beyond's link is hideous. I don't like candles and would be disappointed to receive one as a gift especially if it was one of those overpriced 'I saw you coming' ones that cost about the same as a weekly shop.

I didn't buy my brother anything for his birthday, but then again, he is now 35 and he has never bought me anything and I have never bought him anything. Therefore neither of us have ever wasted any money on things that are not wanted.

It would appear that the vast majority of men and a significant minority of women don't like candles, which would suggest that they aren't a great gift unless you know that the recipient likes candles.

RJnomore · 05/08/2015 12:21

I'd love it but it really depends on whether your brother likes candles. Dh would be Confused with it.

MaidOfStars · 05/08/2015 12:23

I would struggle to think of one of my 30-something male friends who would like that as a present.

StickEm · 05/08/2015 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorktoLive · 05/08/2015 12:33

Interesting that no-one has called sexism on the majority assumption that men don't like candles Smile. If the OP had been buying it for her sister, with the proviso that a fairly modest spend was appropriate, most people would have said it was a lovely gift.

SoupDragon · 05/08/2015 12:35

Possibly because it isn't sexism.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/08/2015 12:36

Well I didn't think it is a masculine present if that's ok WorkToLive. Dh would be less than impressed with a candle as would my brothers. I, and my sisters on the other hand would quite like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying that tbh.

Bladdered4567 · 05/08/2015 12:38

WorktoLive It's a shit present, for a man or a woman.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 05/08/2015 12:41

Just stick thirty quid in his card. Get your money back from m&s

UrethraFranklin1 · 05/08/2015 12:42

If the OP had been buying it for her sister, with the proviso that a fairly modest spend was appropriate, most people would have said it was a lovely gift.

Nope. Candles are a dull gift for anyone, penis or not. I've never got the appeal of candles as presents at all.

HolgerDanske · 05/08/2015 12:44

Yawn. Let's quickly add the disclaimer that we all understand that there may well be some men who would be delighted with a candle for their 30th, and that we're only stating the quite obvious fact that for a vast majority of men, and also a lot of women, a candle isn't a great gift.

LilyMayViolet · 05/08/2015 12:48

It's impossible to say without more details! DP and I are really, really into good quality scented candles. We were given a gorgeous orange blossom one from M and S last year. If he's not really into them then it's a bit of a strange choice.

Tooooooohot · 05/08/2015 12:50

You bought a candle ???!!!!!! Oh dear ......

fourtothedozen · 05/08/2015 12:52

I don't think it's sexist.

I have known only one or two men who would appreciate a candle as a gift, the vast majority would hate it. Not all women like candles either. I like them though.

springlamb · 05/08/2015 12:53

Well, I sent my BIL teabags for Xmas....but then he is really into teabags (and no, Mumsnetters, he doesn't get any more interesting than that. Believe me, I married the bargain in that family!)
But the candle does sound a bit random.
Even a coffee mug with Happy 30th on it £2.99 from The Card Shop would seem more fitting.

ghostyslovesheep · 05/08/2015 12:54

I would prefer a voucher to be honest but I would smile politely and thank you (whilst wondering how you could be my sister and no nothing about me)

Unless it was the owl candle - that is tacky and kitch enough for me to like

ghostyslovesheep · 05/08/2015 12:54

know - obviously

springlamb · 05/08/2015 13:01

You couldn't get much worse than my 40th present from so-called close friend, a book entitled 'Beat That Cellulite'.
Look in the mirror, babe!

springlamb · 05/08/2015 13:03

Eight years and it still pisses me off.
Sorry, I'm projecting, I'll go off into a corner and rip some tissues to shreds.

Baddz · 05/08/2015 13:06

My dhs aunt bought me wrinkle cream for my 40th!
and to add insult to injury it brought me out in hives
Pils bought me a tree
which is now dead
All in all it was a bit of a wash out! :)

CrystalCove · 05/08/2015 13:07

Of course it's suitable for a gift but the question is is it suitable for your brother, we don't know him so I have no idea.

5Foot5 · 05/08/2015 13:07

The monetary value is irrelevant, everyone has different budgets.

But a candle for a man?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/08/2015 13:07

My mum got a 60th birthday present from her SIL -a book titled: "the Golden Years". Subtitle: coping with the death of your spouse and how to chose a care home.

It also had useful information about diagnosing dementia and power of attorneys!

For my first birthday, she gave me a champagne cork. From the bottle that she (and equally weird uncle) had drunk the night I was born

My dad is quite normal and very generous Confused

MamaLazarou · 05/08/2015 13:09

Bit of a rubbish present, tbh, sorry.