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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About my tomboy dd1?

165 replies

turtlepig · 04/08/2015 20:45

Dd1 is a tomboy. She is 4. she seems to only gravitate towards "boy" type toys and TV programmes. she literally likes nothing that would be traditionally aimed at girls at all. She hates wearing dresses and skirts. Hates the colour pink. If she is playing she would always choose to be the dad or male character.
She said she would like a willy so she could wee standing up!
I am finding this quite hard to deal with. The preference for "boy" TV programmes etc. I have no issue with. It's just the feeling that there is something "more" to it. Wanting to role play as a boy. The complete shunning of skirts and dresses and even leggings. The huge disdain for anything pink.. I don't know if it's possible to have gender dysmorphia at her age or to feel she has been "born in the wrong body" or whatever but if I even ask her about why she won't give her sister a turn at being the "daddy" or ask what's wrong with wearing a skirt or looking pretty she simply refuses to discuss it!
Aibu to feel worried and scared for her? I wish she felt she could open up to me more about it but she obviously doesn't want to. I just want her to have a happy life, she's not very confident at all and I'm worried about her starting reception in September and being so completely different to all the other girls there.

OP posts:

Ploppymoodypants · 27/01/2017 16:14

Oh also to add, I had loads of friends. Lots of boy ones, but also girls. I would play with girls (not one took a dislike because I would play dolls!) I they did skipping or running it Nike riding etc, but when TNT did hurling stuff (I seem to remember they liked playing 'mummies' a lot and I thought they were a bit soppy or 'wet' doing that) I would just join the boys with football or whatever.

Same now. Lots of female friends, but if anyone suggest a girly shopping trip or a hen do, I bow out and do something else.... really it's a non issue

Bantanddec · 27/01/2017 16:19

I was a tomboy as a small child I am 35 and have no gender issues.

Nataleejah · 27/01/2017 20:47

I am very frightened of this very recent trend of brainswashing young children into all sorts of 'queer' when they don't conform to very extreme stereotypes. So OP is right to be afraid.
Please, don't buy into this creepy bullshit. Her body is perfect. She just wants to play with cool toys or role-play admirable characters.

w12newmum · 27/01/2017 21:01

I have limited experience of gender dysmorphia in children but just wanted to say it may well not be that. I was a complete tom boy - played with boys, thoughts girls were annoying, loved cars and guns and sports, hated pink, only wanted to wear tshirts jeans and shirts (had to be bribed by my mum to wear a dress twice a year). Turned 12 and suddenly I wanted to buy dresses and jewellery and not at all tom boy now, unless you count being good a sport, confident in the workplace and not particularly 'emotional'. So you never know - just embrace her personality and interests .

deadringer · 27/01/2017 21:10

My dd was just like this. Hated dresses,or anything pink, always gravitated towards 'boys' games and sports. I let her be and wear what she liked, she lived in jeans and football jerseys. She often said she wanted to be a boy and wanted a penis. I never suggested that she might be a boy inside or that she could become one. She is grown up now and all woman. Not very girly, more of a laddette but she is into men and while she still loves her jeans she will occasionally wear bum skimming skirts and dresses when she is on the pull.

Woody67 · 27/01/2017 21:19

OP you have described me at that age. I remember trying to pee standing up and wanting to be called Stephen! I refused to wear anything remotely feminine (much to the disappointment of my mum who wanted to dress me up in girly dresses). I didn't grow up wanting to change sex. I grew out of it and am married with kids (ironically boys so live in a very male household). She's only four, so I wouldn't worry too much. Just let her be who she is and go with the flow.

Nataleejah · 27/01/2017 21:23

I'm kinda glad that i have boys. I wouldn't know what to do with a 'girly' girl

BumpGoesBumpety · 27/01/2017 21:26

I too have been like this since I was little. In my teens I told the doctor I would cut off my boobs and that I wanted to be a man. Thankfully back then it wasn't taken too seriously. I still think I'd be better without boobs, I fit in better with the lads and think men are better off but I'm a mother, I have a great marriage and really worry about the difference in society between now and then.

BarbarianMum · 27/01/2017 21:30

Wanting to be a boy and thinking you are a boy are very different things. The first is entirely normal if you are a girl who doesn't conform to gender stereotypes.

I wanted to be a boy all my childhood. Chose boys clothing (when allowed), had very short hair, used the unisex shortening of my name, always took a male character when playing imaginary games - was very happy when I was mistaken for a boy.

I have always known I was a girl and eventually I realised I didn't really want to be a boy, I just wanted to wear the clothes I liked and had interests (like science) that girls weren't supposed to have. Got married, had children, became a feminist, became a scientist (not in that order). Lived happily ever after.

Catherinebee85 · 27/01/2017 21:36

If she does later express difficulties with her gender then I'm sure you'll be supportive. At the moment she's 4 and playing and exploring. Leave her be to find her way in the world, you'll only make her believe it's an issue if you keep panicking xx

flippyflapper · 27/01/2017 21:39

My dd is like this she is 5 and an identical twins. Her sister is as girly as you like.

My tom dd won't wear anything remotely girly she loves batman and power rangers when playing with her sisters will refer her self to either brother or dad.
She is so funny tho I absolutely LOVE her personality and that she don't care and that she doesn't feel she has to be like her sisters or friends that love all things girly.

Bless her she even walks like a boy (if there is such a thing) my other girls kind of skip when they walk dd has her thumbs in her pockets and kinda drags her self along.
She has also told me she wants to have a willy.

But she is 5 and I'll let it ride what ever course it goes I'm not at all worried as she is healthy and happy.

Just let it be op she will either grow out of it or decide to continue either way there is no changing it.

ghostyslovesheets · 27/01/2017 21:42

🦄🦄🦄🦄💜🦄🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🎄🎄🎄🎄🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦👀👀👀👀💩🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

You know ZOMBIE

RamblinRosie · 28/01/2017 01:04

At 5 my DH announced he was a dog, he's now an iT Manager. No growling, or eating out of dog bowls.

BorrowedHeart · 01/02/2017 00:32

Leave kids alone, don't fill their heads with shite about swapping gender, you will only introduce the idea and confuse them more. Poor kids being put on hormones cos mummy and daddy convinced them they wanted to change gender, leave them alone and let them make their own mind up when they are old enough to understand.

BorrowedHeart · 01/02/2017 00:33

Just realised it's an old thread..

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