About my tomboy dd1?

[turtlepig]

Dd1 is a tomboy. She is 4. she seems to only gravitate towards "boy" type toys and TV programmes. she literally likes nothing that would be traditionally aimed at girls at all. She hates wearing dresses and skirts. Hates the colour pink. If she is playing she would always choose to be the dad or male character.
She said she would like a willy so she could wee standing up!
I am finding this quite hard to deal with. The preference for "boy" TV programmes etc. I have no issue with. It's just the feeling that there is something "more" to it. Wanting to role play as a boy. The complete shunning of skirts and dresses and even leggings. The huge disdain for anything pink.. I don't know if it's possible to have gender dysmorphia at her age or to feel she has been "born in the wrong body" or whatever but if I even ask her about why she won't give her sister a turn at being the "daddy" or ask what's wrong with wearing a skirt or looking pretty she simply refuses to discuss it!
Aibu to feel worried and scared for her? I wish she felt she could open up to me more about it but she obviously doesn't want to. I just want her to have a happy life, she's not very confident at all and I'm worried about her starting reception in September and being so completely different to all the other girls there.

I am 46 and still hate pink, don't like dresses and can't abide being considered pretty (very sexist). I would love to pee standing up, so. I don't have to sit on toilets that someone else has peed on.

I am not gay, have no female body issues - been married, have a DS etc etc.

I have a fantastic trainer collection, never wear heels and love nothing better than a decent pair of jeans. I watch football and most of my friends are male. However, I like watching the ballet and theatre, love a good book and have have the most amazing long natural nails.

It's really no big deal.

She will like what she will like and it sounds like she is an amazing young person who knows her own mind.

Enderwoman - that is exactly how we speak to dd - she loves to be "cool" or "awesome"

It is ever more frustrating however that it is nigh on impossible to buy clothes that fit a girl but are not pink or frilly or sparkly or Frozen related. We do have to resort to boys departments but even at 6 the cut often simply doesn't fit - especially trousers. Come on retailers help us parents of non-girlie girls out!!

My lovely wife has always been a tomboy. Detests skirts/dresses, anything frilly/flowery. Can't and won't wear heels.
Her mum got remarried when she was 9. She wore chinos and a shirt while her sister was a bridesmaid.
She wanted transformers when all the other girls wanted my little ponies.
Did it continue from the age of 4? Yes.
Is she gay? Yes.
Does she have gender issues? No.
Was she ever confused? Yes, for a little while in her teens, like many gay people are.
Most importantly - is she HAPPY? Yes. Very.
BUT I also have other friends who were tomboys in their childhood who are heterosexual and still tomboys.

Dd was like this until just before her tenth birthday.

She is very happy and confident and comfortable in her skin, so I have just gone along with what she wants at her pace and according to her timescale. It's her body not mine. The clothes she wanted to wear were always weather/occasion appropriate, so she can get on with it as far as I am concerned.

I was very similar as a child, I'm not now. I am very grateful that my mum didn't battle with me over this, and force me into certain clothes and behaviours.

Apologies, that should read "like many teenagers are"!!

OP, your daughter sounds confident and happy, knows her own mind and doesn't care what other people think. That is a great way for a child to be :)

My DC3 (boy) used to go to nursery in his sister's clothes including knickers (even over a nappy in the early days) for years. I wasn't bothered - it was a bonus that he dressed himself, and he entertained the nursery staff. He still likes dresses and always wants to join his older sister and her friends for a makeover (he is now 9, she is 12). They do him up beautifully with hair, make-up, clothes and nail varnish, and it generally ends with a photoshoot in the garden. They have a lot of fun and he looks gorgeous!

He also comes out with gems like: "when I'm a daddy, I'm going to get a divorce and have a man instead" (said age 6) and "I think I'm the gay-est one in this family" (said recently).

We have a lot of photos to show at his wedding, whether it is to a man or a woman :)

I was a total tomboy OP, boys haircut, boys clothes, loved getting scars from tree climbing, falling of my bike etc, stood up to pee like a boy - stopped that early on when the messiness wasn't worth it - and slowly left it all behind as an adult. Pink and sparkly are my favourite things to wear these days.

I definitely grew out of it, no one would believe it knowing me now, so it isn't set in stone.

I was a tomboy too and definitely remember it being about knowing expectations were different for boys and girls. I felt boys had more space to just get on with things.

My dd is 4.5 and loves all things princess and pink. She also loves pirates and the avengers. She has days when she wears her pirate costume and decides she is being a boy that day. I just roll with it, things will change so often for them over the next few years. I think the less fuss made the better!

When I was 4 all I wanted for my birthday was a willy so I could pee standing up. I also had a cowboy suit, guns, played with Lego and didn't like pink or ballet. My mum now confesses that she worried about me.

I was still a bit of a ladette as a teen but no gender confusion - just didn't really like many feminine things.

I'm 40 now and much more girly - just spent the evening doing my nails.

As long as she knows you love whoever she is then I'm sure she'll be fine.

I wasn't a tomboy at school, but I preferred playing with cars than with dolls and would rather do jigsaw puzzles than pushing a pram.
I hated being told I was 'pretty' because quite frankly, I wasn't.

I do my best to put aside my personal feelings/likes/dislikes with my own DD. One day she wants to be a princess, the next, spiderman. She told me last week she wanted to be a boy so she could wee standing up. She tells me when she grows up, she wants to marry a girl. She is also 4. I just tell her that as long as she is happy, then it's absolutely fine.

I was that little girl too. Out kicking a ball with the boys. Wore my cowboy outfit all the time. Upset friends at school when I went to tea and played Action Man with their brothers. Always had boys' bikes etc.
Still to this day I have very 'male' interests and always wear trousers or shorts. People always comment if I'm in a skirt.
I'm married with dc. I'm different but not in a way that causes problems.

Another one, whose advice would be to just enjoy her, love her, and let her be the person she is. My own view is that all this gendered stuff is just a social construct, anyway.
My own dd (3) has male best friends, loves dinosaurs, and has also recently gained a love of the pink sparkly beauty-obsessed crap that is "Princess Palace Pets". I know which aspects of her interests I long to nurture (and it ain't the Pets!)
Having said that, whoever she is and whatever she likes, mostly just want her to be happy. As it is clear you do for your dd too - you are clearly very thoughtful and caring, and perhaps worrying a little unduly!

I was exactly the same as a child !! Hated skirts or dresses loved boys toys cars bikes etc etc also wanted to wee standing up I distinctly remember wanting to do this ! My imaginary friends where boys . I liked hanging around with boys .

I'm almost thirty now and still a tomboy !! But I also like "girly" stuff like my clothes hair done make up etc etc or whatever girls are meant to like
I'm also engaged to a bloke and have had plenty of boyfriends if that's what you were getting at ?!

She's only 4 let her enjoy being a kid !

Both of my girls liked the idea of standing up to wee at that age. And ds was quite pitying of then when he found they couldn't. He went to some trouble to tell them exactly how to do it.

Sorry, posted too soon.
Also I knew a lovely little girl, who at 4yo was totally tomboy, dressed in boy's clothes, boy hair cut, played with boys... All the things you say.
At 11yo her hair was down to her elbows, she was even sometimes seen in a skirt, and her friends were about 75% girls.
Still a delightful young lady, but not the total tomboy she had been at 4yo.

I was like this between the ages of 8-14. I genuinely believed that I would turn into a boy when I grew up as that's what I wanted to be. Hated pink. Hated skirts. Was thrilled when people mistook me for a boy. Took on boy roles in imaginary games.Tried to wee standing up. As puberty started, hated having boobs and tried to hide them.
The reason for all this? I loved my big brother so much, I wanted to be just like him. As I got older, I also behaved like this because my Mum wanted a girly girl so the more pink stuff she bought me, the more boyish I behaved. I even played football with the boys just to really piss her off!

You describe my daughter. There are two girls the same at her (big) school. At nearly 6 it's less intense but not much. She's a girl who is strong and loves science at football. She learnt v early (age2?) that the world thinks she should be pink and fairy like and told it to F off

I was like this as a child, hated most girly stuff, it just wasn't me. To a lesser extent I'm still tomboy-ish now. But I also have a wonderful DP (will be DH one day) and two DC's. As parents we all worry about our kids, but I do think you're projecting a little bit. Let your daughter be who she wants to be, honestly there's no harm in it. Enjoy her for who she is.

Thanks all of you for making me realise I need to calm down and back off - your responses have made me gain some perspective. She's way too young to be pigeon holed into anything at four so really I just need to let her get on with becoming her fabulous little self

I am very proud that my DD is the only girl at footy most of the time and is string enough to to not be pigeon holed. Celebrate her spirit against the boxes people try to put young girls in at times

Let her be. She might grow out of it, or she migh grow up to be a butch lesbian, or she might be a gender-neutral straight woman or a transman or something else altogether. But there's nothing wrong with her. Just keep loving her for who she is and she'll be fine.

There are great supporters over on 'lt toys be toys' site and 'let clothes be clothes'. I never really gave the whole thing much thought ( although I was a tom boy) until DD clearly was not going to be a stereotyped girl. Now I see it through her eyes. She wants to be a boy as 'their!' Toys are better and clothes much 'cooler'

My 4yo will spend days at a time being a cat. Days. Meowing.

She will start school soon. I hope the teacher likes cats.